'Breadcrumbig': the destabilizing 'sadomaso' game that engages with the same mechanism as a slot machine

Do you know that feeling of not knowing if that person really wants something with you or not?

Surely yes.

It occurs

in which uncertainty prevails and the signals are confused by their incoherence.

Where the same you spend the night chatting heatedly, commenting how much he wants to see you, as if he leaves you on seen without saying a word.

The first few hours are a roller coaster of emotions;

a whirlpool of thoughts and justifications for their behavior.

Because the most normal thing is that you have your life, work and others, but,

Let's give a margin, right?.

"I'm sure she's had a difficult day. She'll tell me," you console yourself.

The night comes.

Everyone knows that the night does not exactly help to control looping thoughts.

So nothing, you display in your mind a list of self-instructions so as not to get upset and

(If you write the three questions in a row, it means that something is happening to you).

According to a survey by Bumble, the dating, friendship and professional networking app, two out of three people (61%) say they now

.

For this reason, it includes in its code of ethical relations, a limit of 24 hours for the other person to respond or, otherwise, the connection will expire.

Thus,

or having conflicting, totally contradictory thoughts is avoided.

Going from "they don't give a damn about me" to "they want to be with me but they're scared to fall in love" in a matter of seconds, sending your brain into emotional bankruptcy.

Faced with this inconsistency, you will try to find explanations, some of them implausible, but that you need to be able to complete that puzzle that, perhaps, was missing pieces from the beginning, a detail that you did not want to contemplate.

But, of course, since this 24-hour rule was not set in your game, once again,

justifying the contact.

Maybe a funny meme about something you talked about in the best moments.

Or an absurd justification for not having been able to write to him these days.

"Let's see if he takes the hint," you inform yourself mentally.

"Insert Coin".

You have already put a coin back into the arcade or slot machine.

Because yes, the 'bitch' you are swallowing, but fine;

but not the money, but the story and anger.

Anxiety and suffering

are constant and palpable, but isn't love like that?

Well no.

not uneasiness.

So the cycle starts again.

Welcome to a

or crumb relationship.

It goes by you, but it does not prioritize you, it is clear.

He throws you breadcrumbs, emotional caresses, which are rewards for you to continue betting on that 'relationship', which only exists for you, but you are not sure if it is for the other party as well.

And the days go by without knowing when he will write to you again or if he will deign to answer your last message.

But, before turning the page, since it seems evident that a manual

' has been marked, as a last resort to not accept the inevitable, you begin to think that he has not chosen not to answer you.

"After the 'high' and the compliments of the last day? Impossible!", you say to yourself.

So you imagine that

, such as an illness, an accident or even a fatal outcome.

And suddenly,

And with more sympathy and motivation than last time (or so it seems to you).

Obviously, you wait a bit so your desperation doesn't show.

"About 15 minutes will be okay?"

Does this unbalanced relationship format work?

Unfortunately, the answer is yes.

Unfortunately this format of seduction works.

And it does so with the same mechanism as

with intermittent reinforcement techniques, which can

.

Basically, if you practice it you will only get someone suffering through your bones, who you don't care about, nor deserve you.

Using these tricks not only speaks of your

, but also of your lack of empathy and your most sadistic side.

Bad couples behave like this and it is considered a type of abuse.

So, if you consider yourself a good person and even if you don't love that other person, respect them and don't do it.

As much as your ego inflates you feel so desired.

Forgive me if I judge you, maybe it's the fear of commitment or philophobia.

what leads you to behave like this.

I understand you, whatever the reason, but

, but not like that, please, not like that.

ANA SIERRA (@anasierraes) is a sexologist.

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