Stress in the office: one argument too many

It should be a normal meeting.

The project team of a telecommunications company wanted to discuss whether in future it should allocate customer appointments all day or only at certain times.

But then all hell broke loose: bosses and employees began to argue violently.

One of the participants banged his pad on the table, raised his voice.

Birgit Schumacher, who was responsible for the team at the time, remembers: "The argument escalated, and it was clear to me that it had to be about more than just the times." The discussion revealed issues of frustration that had accumulated.

The result was a dispute that had a long-lasting effect.

Disputes in the workplace can paralyze companies.

According to a study by the Hernstein Institute for Management and Leadership, 15 percent of the daily working time in Germany is spent on conflicts.

The German Economic Institute estimates that the economic damage caused by employees not doing their job because of conflicts with colleagues amounts to 50 billion euros a year.

Conflicts have always been a burden on the psyche of those involved - but the pandemic and Ukraine war have led to people reacting with much less skin, says coach and organizational developer Ann-Carolin Helmreich.

"The stress potential has increased, people are more irritable."

It is normal for employees to sometimes have heated discussions: They have different opinions, interpret numbers differently, and do not assess colleagues or customers in the same way.

It only becomes a problem when quarrels become personal – or someone finds the criticism hurtful.

Then the factual argument turns into hostilities - and a work conflict becomes a relationship conflict.

Direct communication

It doesn't have to come to that, because a lot is based on misunderstandings, says Heidi Mauersberger, organizational psychologist at the University of Berlin.

"Try to always communicate on the factual level and be aware that different opinions - as long as they are expressed constructively - can be beneficial for the work result," she says.

Verbal slips should be addressed immediately, with an apology if possible.

Employees who feel offended should not immediately run to the boss or the staff council - because then colleagues could feel ignored.

"People are often unaware of their behavior," she says.

“What is a joke to one person is offensive to another.

That's why you should always seek dialogue first." Only if that doesn't help should the staff council,

But even those who shy away from addressing problems at work can solve or prevent conflicts.

"If you don't dare to communicate directly, you should start confiding in a private person you trust," advises Helmreich.

This helps to sort thoughts and formulate them more clearly.

The coach recommends using models such as nonviolent communication by psychologist Marshall B. Rosenberg as a guide.

A lesson from this: to send I-messages instead of communicating in accusations.

Before addressing a problem, you should have a wishful thinking about how you would like to deal with each other in the future.

Helmreich advises: "You should ask yourself: What do I need from others - without forgetting that you have to give colleagues the same space." Those who work on their own communication first,

immediately alleviates a conflict.

This does not mean permanent one-sided adaptation: "Always swallowing resentment makes you unhappy in the long run."

Communication takes courage

Birgit Schumacher, who witnessed the destructive argument in her team, says: "Honest communication could have solved our conflict.

However, that requires courage, which I didn't have at the time.” After getting into such conflict situations several times, she embarked on a new path: Today she is a mediator and helps others to cope with difficult situations at work.

However, it is not only the employees who are responsible for a constructive discussion culture in the workplace: Managers and employers must help to ensure that disputes do not arise in the first place.

"Precise rules and a transparent exchange of information are important from an employer's point of view in order to prevent conflicts in the company," says organizational psychologist Mauersberger.

This gives employees stability in uncertain times and has a stress-reducing effect.

For example, employers should communicate in trusting and personal conversations that technical problems in the home office can cause anyone to despair - and are not a drama.