Anatomy of a complex: is my vulva normal?
Stuck in a non-relationship?
cut to the chase
In recent years, abstinence-based sex education has been replaced by a new erotic paradigm:
sex is life, enjoy it.
The choice not to be sexual, to hide desires or to avoid paying attention to erotic stimuli no longer marks the behavior of current generations.
Modesty has been detached from the human being at a dizzying pace.
This trend, according to
Miguel Dalmau in 'El ocaso del modesto',
finds its first throes in Romanticism.
The cult of the individual gradually eroded the main
codes of modesty.
An example of this rupture can be found in
Coubert's 'The Origin of the World',
a work that boldly and provocatively shows the power of sensuality, desire, pleasures.
The self-affirmation of
individualism
was followed by a whole series of social claims, based on nonconformity and
the rejection of traditional values.
This historical perspective that suggests a decline in sexual shame can make those who today continue to perceive sex as
an intimidating experience invisible.
That is, as a threat, not to the collective order but to one's
own intimacy and morality.
Sexual pleasure and shame
Pleasure
is strictly related to what we find
sexually stimulating.
What is attractive and exciting to some, others dislike, even to the point of classifying it as
offensive or bizarre.
Possibly, given the lack of consensus or the social variability that has existed on the different sexual practices throughout history, at one time or another, we all wonder or evaluate whether
our erotic tastes
are correct
or inappropriate .
Sexual shame
often underlies here
as a feeling of humiliation, of personal questioning: am I inferior, unworthy, vicious, abnormal?
Both acceptance and suspicion of this series of qualifiers have a
negative impact
on the
erotic experience,
sabotaging communication, trust and physical and emotional intimacy with the partner.
A matter of self esteem
In some cases,
this discomfort
can manifest itself in avoidance behaviors, that is, rejecting sex, or
sexual aversion.
Difficulties in making a physical encounter with a person or moving forward in a romantic relationship can, in turn,
reduce a
person's self-esteem.
So, despite the fact that the stimuli and the interaction that they allow are infinitely different and mysterious, many people continue
to experience sex with shame
according to their own erotic tastes.
Through
pornography, the
Internet offers us an innumerable representation of
fantasies, practices and stimuli.
But the fact that sexuality is represented in an uninhibited way does not consistently translate into knowledge, acceptance and enjoyment of our erotic peculiarity.
Thus, fantasy and desire can be subject to
moral values,
which can influence our relationship with
the body and enjoyment.
Even though sexual shame has been one of the great anti-
sexualist assets
of Christianity, it should be noted that moral values do not always find their foundation
in religion.
The fear of our physical experiences or the negative assessment that we can make of our own sexuality is also found outside religious communities.
Pleasure, anti-feminist?
To give an example, in the debates about pornography that have been going on since the 1980s in the
feminist movement,
many women recognize that they see porn,
get excited by its content
and, in turn, feel ashamed and guilty about it.
Some even perceive themselves as a
'bad feminist'
or as
an 'imposter'.
This shame, often fueled by fear, self-rejection and the lack of proper sex education, leads to a deep
sense of guilt.
Certainly, it is contradictory to maintain, on the one hand, the discourse that porn
objectifies women
and, on the other, assume the personal experience that it turns on and excites.
evil of many
Although little is said about it, we all feel ashamed at some point, sometimes the reasons can be linked, as we have already mentioned, to moral values, and others to the lack of sexual experience,
our physique,
sexual performance or fear to
emotional connection.
All this can become a problem when it prevents us from enjoying the relationship with our body or the erotic experience with the other.
Although each person has their own story and needs individual understanding, there are solutions that can be shared and common.
Providing sexual education,
also for adults, and educating in sexual diversity, not only amplifies our information about human sexuality.
It also provides an ethical framework to
integrate our sexual selves.
Among sexologists, it is well known that in order to achieve sexual acceptance and satisfaction, this ethical framework must encompass issues such as intentionality, consent, reciprocity and
bodily acceptance.
Conforms to The Trust Project criteria
Know more
lifestyle
Sex