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In recent years, abstinence-based sex education has been replaced by a new erotic paradigm:

sex is life, enjoy it.

The choice not to be sexual, to hide desires or to avoid paying attention to erotic stimuli no longer marks the behavior of current generations.

Modesty has been detached from the human being at a dizzying pace.

This trend, according to

Miguel Dalmau in 'El ocaso del modesto',

finds its first throes in Romanticism.

The cult of the individual gradually eroded the main

codes of modesty.

An example of this rupture can be found in

Coubert's 'The Origin of the World',

a work that boldly and provocatively shows the power of sensuality, desire, pleasures.

The self-affirmation of

individualism

was followed by a whole series of social claims, based on nonconformity and

the rejection of traditional values.

This historical perspective that suggests a decline in sexual shame can make those who today continue to perceive sex as

an intimidating experience invisible.

That is, as a threat, not to the collective order but to one's

own intimacy and morality.

Sexual pleasure and shame

Pleasure

is strictly related to what we find

sexually stimulating.

What is attractive and exciting to some, others dislike, even to the point of classifying it as

offensive or bizarre.

Possibly, given the lack of consensus or the social variability that has existed on the different sexual practices throughout history, at one time or another, we all wonder or evaluate whether

our erotic tastes

are correct

or inappropriate .

Sexual shame

often underlies here

as a feeling of humiliation, of personal questioning: am I inferior, unworthy, vicious, abnormal?

Both acceptance and suspicion of this series of qualifiers have a

negative impact

on the

erotic experience,

sabotaging communication, trust and physical and emotional intimacy with the partner.

A matter of self esteem

In some cases,

this discomfort

can manifest itself in avoidance behaviors, that is, rejecting sex, or

sexual aversion.

Difficulties in making a physical encounter with a person or moving forward in a romantic relationship can, in turn,

reduce a

person's self-esteem.

So, despite the fact that the stimuli and the interaction that they allow are infinitely different and mysterious, many people continue

to experience sex with shame

according to their own erotic tastes.

Through

pornography, the

Internet offers us an innumerable representation of

fantasies, practices and stimuli.

But the fact that sexuality is represented in an uninhibited way does not consistently translate into knowledge, acceptance and enjoyment of our erotic peculiarity.

Thus, fantasy and desire can be subject to

moral values,

which can influence our relationship with

the body and enjoyment.

Even though sexual shame has been one of the great anti-

sexualist assets

of Christianity, it should be noted that moral values ​​do not always find their foundation

in religion.

The fear of our physical experiences or the negative assessment that we can make of our own sexuality is also found outside religious communities.

Pleasure, anti-feminist?

To give an example, in the debates about pornography that have been going on since the 1980s in the

feminist movement,

many women recognize that they see porn,

get excited by its content

and, in turn, feel ashamed and guilty about it.

Some even perceive themselves as a

'bad feminist'

or as

an 'imposter'.

This shame, often fueled by fear, self-rejection and the lack of proper sex education, leads to a deep

sense of guilt.

Certainly, it is contradictory to maintain, on the one hand, the discourse that porn

objectifies women

and, on the other, assume the personal experience that it turns on and excites.

evil of many

Although little is said about it, we all feel ashamed at some point, sometimes the reasons can be linked, as we have already mentioned, to moral values, and others to the lack of sexual experience,

our physique,

sexual performance or fear to

emotional connection.

All this can become a problem when it prevents us from enjoying the relationship with our body or the erotic experience with the other.

Although each person has their own story and needs individual understanding, there are solutions that can be shared and common.

Providing sexual education,

also for adults, and educating in sexual diversity, not only amplifies our information about human sexuality.

It also provides an ethical framework to

integrate our sexual selves.

Among sexologists, it is well known that in order to achieve sexual acceptance and satisfaction, this ethical framework must encompass issues such as intentionality, consent, reciprocity and

bodily acceptance.

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