59.1% of the respondents disapprove of parents' "big deal" for their children

  It is a common phenomenon among parents to be afraid to let go of their children and to take care of everything.

Do you agree that parents "take everything" for their children?

How should children be taught to be independent?

  Recently, a survey of 2011 respondents conducted by the Social Investigation Center of China Youth Daily and the questionnaire network (wenjuan.com) showed that 59.1% of the respondents bluntly disapproved of parents' "all-inclusive" behavior of children. It is worth noting that the proportion of parents who are in favor is higher than other respondents.

To teach children to be independent, 68.0% of the respondents suggested that children should be more involved in housework and family activities.

59.1% of the respondents disapprove of parents' "big deal" for their children

  Liu Jiaying lives in Banan District, Chongqing, and her child is in the first grade of junior high school.

She does not agree that parents do everything for their children. "The child will one day live independently from his family, go to college, and start a family. What will he do when there is no one to help?"

  "I think as long as the child can do things within his power, parents should encourage him to do it." Liu Jiaying believes that parents should exercise their children's ability to handle affairs and develop good habits.

"My children basically solve their own affairs by themselves, and they will take the initiative to help me with some housework." Because children are usually proactive, they are often praised by teachers.

  Feng Yuning, a parent of elementary school students in Tangshan, Hebei, is used to "taking everything" for her children.

Because of the epidemic, the child is studying at home, and she has to take care of her child's study and life while working, which makes her feel that her workload has increased several times and she is very busy.

"It turns out that I think it's okay for parents to do more for their children. Through this epidemic, I realized that children should be trained to be independent."

  59.1% of the respondents bluntly disapprove of the practice of many parents taking care of their children, but 40.9% of the respondents agree.

81.7% of the respondents were parents of children.

It is worth noting that the interactive analysis found that the proportion of respondents who agreed (43.1%) was significantly higher than that of other respondents (31.0%).

That is to say, compared to non-parent groups, parent groups are more likely to agree with their children in "all-inclusive".

To educate children to be independent, 68.0% of the respondents suggested that children should be more involved in housework and family activities

  He Yilin from Haidian District, Beijing is a mother of three children. The eldest is in fifth grade.

She found that the boss often saw that other parents would do this and that for their children, and felt that these things should be done by the parents, and he could not do them himself.

  He Yilin emphasized to her daughter many times that she should not have a herd mentality, but should look at problems from the perspective of right or wrong.

"Now the school also pays great attention to cultivating children's sense of independence. When they go to the school to hold a parent-teacher meeting, some parents can't help but do things for their children, such as cleaning the desk, etc. When the teacher sees it, they say 'let the children do it themselves'. We pour water for parents to drink. I am very satisfied.”

  Liu Jiaying reflected that she was impatient, and sometimes failed to communicate patiently and equally with her children, and would force her children to do it in an angry and orderly tone.

"I should talk to my child calmly about why I do it. Sometimes when he finishes something, I don't give positive feedback in time, which doesn't help the child's progress."

  "Sometimes I get angry with the child, and feel that she is not diligent and has no work in her eyes. But thinking about it, it is not all caused by my usual arrangements. So I must first correct my thoughts and practices." Feng Yuning said.

  Zhou Cong, a second-grade teacher at an international primary school in Changping District, Beijing, believes that parents must have the courage to let go and let their children "endure hardship" so that their children can grow up.

But instead of educating children, she believes that it is more necessary to guide parents.

"Especially, some parents of students in elementary school are very nervous about their children and cannot let go of their children emotionally. For example, when children have emotions at school, parents' emotions are easily affected. Many parents do not accept school teachers in parenting. Suggestions, think their ideas are right.”

Zhou Cong believes that communicating with parents about parenting concepts is a long-term task.

  "We have to believe that children are conscious themselves. They drink water when they are thirsty, and eat when they are hungry. Parents, don't worry, they will take care of everything big and small. Children can learn a lot from failure, and they learn very quickly. It is good for children to let their children suffer and fall a few times. Parents should first try to let go emotionally." Zhou Cong suggested.

  Sun Hongyan, director and researcher of the Children's Research Institute of the China Youth Research Center, said that parents should treat their children as independent individuals.

"Many of our parents think that if the child doesn't understand, it's good to be old. But when the child grows up, the parents will still treat the child as a big child. As many parents often say, ' In front of parents, you are a child'. This statement is correct, but if it is used as a way of parenting, it will easily lead to children not being independent."

  How should parents teach their children to be independent?

68.0% of the respondents suggested that children should be more involved in housework and family activities, 62.9% of the respondents pointed out that children should be allowed to do their own things, and 57.1% of the respondents suggested that parents learn to respect their children's own decisions.

  Among the respondents, 81.7% were parents of children.

29.8% live in first-tier cities, 47.6% in second-tier cities, 19.3% in third- and fourth-tier cities, 2.7% in counties or towns, and 0.4% in rural areas.

  (Li Danni also contributed to this article)

  China Youth Daily, China Youth Daily reporter Du Yuanchun Source: China Youth Daily