People have always been accustomed to walking under the "discipline" of the social clock, just like leveling up in a game.

In the exam system, chasing in the marriage and love market, and striving to become a "winner in life" in the workplace, we learned the "strategies" of our predecessors and achieved one success after another, but we forgot to ask ourselves why we play this game.

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  At the age of 43, he studied for a master's degree in psychology. At the age of 63, he began to learn English. After retirement, his daily work schedule was full.

In Lu Xiaoya's life trajectory, there is no rule that "you should take care of your life when you are old", and there is no stereotype of "do what to do at any age".

  At the Changsha Strawberry Music Festival in 2020, she was over sixty years old and went to a live house with her friends to enjoy music with young people, tired and happy.

"Listening to Wutiao people at the scene, Ah Mao's voice is too moving."

  "What do you do at what age" is a point of view that many people follow from childhood to adulthood.

The American social psychologist Bernice Neugarten once put forward the concept of "social clock", which is defined as "the common expectation of society for age-appropriate behavior".

And Lu Xiaoya's behavior seems to be a "confrontation" against this social expectation.

  On Douban, someone set up a "counter-social clock" group for this type of "antagonist", and nearly 60,000 people have gathered.

In those life stories that do not follow the "social clock" and do not follow the trajectory of ordinary people, some people are obedient and free and easy; some people are under pressure and regret and helpless.

The choices of these people make people think, what made them press the "change track" button of life?

  what they did on the runway "counterclockwise"

  Lu Xiaoya is a senior psychologist.

In her opinion, many people have been set up a fixed runway since birth: studying step by step for 18 years before their life, graduating in their 20s and looking for a job, starting a family at 30, and retirement at 60... Catching up, afraid of becoming a "lagging person", and worrying about taking a "detour".

  Tang Xiaoyun is an exception.

After working in Sina Education Channel for 9 years, she and her friends founded "Joy Homework Network", which took 5 years to build the company to a scale of 2,000 or 3,000 people.

She didn't stop, and when she was nearly 40 years old, she gave up her career again and went to study abroad.

  The decision to study abroad was made in 2018.

At that time, she was a part-time MBA student in Guanghua, Peking University, and suddenly the school had a one-semester exchange program in Canada.

The company is still in a period of rapid growth, and the exchange program requires an IELTS score of 6.5, while her level at that time was only 5.

Friends can't understand it at all. Why do you have to quit your job to study abroad if you don't have a good company partner?

  But for Tang Xiaoyun, studying abroad is NO.1 of her inner to-do list.

"There are struggles and downs in the process of overcoming difficulties, but every day I am running towards my goals."

  In the Douban "Anti-Social Clock" group, cases similar to Tang Xiaoyun's will be placed in the "Share Anti-Clock" or "Anxiety Healer" area, encouraging more people who feel anxious because of doing things that are inconsistent with social expectations. people.

Some of them only entered the first year of undergraduate at the age of 28, some lived in seclusion in the mountains and forests at the age of 20, some decided to prepare for pregnancy at the age of 40, and some are still trying "young people to play things", such as playing drones in nursing homes , in the music festival "jumpy".

  "People's life expectancy in modern society has increased, and social life has become increasingly rich. While broadening their horizons, people gradually see more possibilities." Lu Xiaoya found that those who do not set themselves mental barriers, as long as they If you want to do it, there is nothing you can't do because of age.

  A choice that is not understood, do you want to continue?

  Like the AB side of a coin, the "counter-clock" option is sometimes questionable.

  37-year-old Liu Jia is regarded by relatives as a "super-aged single young woman". She lives in Hangzhou, has a stable job, and lives a nourishing life with one person and one dog, but she still can't escape the urging of her parents to get married. "If you don't have children, it will be too late." .

  Before she was 35 years old, Liu Jia was very disgusted.

However, in recent years, Liu Jia often feels "ungrouped", and the popular science articles he brushes also talk about the risk of women's late childbearing.

Personal will and realistic considerations are torn in Liu Jia's heart from time to time: "You have to admit that the social clock has its own rationality. It has undergone time precipitation, is a mapping of social connotation and physiological laws, and contains rich experience of predecessors."

  Questions from family members, confusion from friends, prejudice from relatives, and self-doubt often bring psychological pressure to the "counter-clock" crowd.

In the Douban group comment area, many people are eagerly seeking answers: "Should I be different from others?" "Is it right for me to persist in doing this?"

  In Lu Xiaoya's view, there is no such thing as "have to".

People can make choices, but sometimes people do not want to choose a path that is too difficult, and are unwilling to take the pressure and risks brought about by choices.

"When we say 'have to', we may actually be pushing the responsibility of our lives to the outside."

  You may be seen as an oddity by others, but anxiety and loneliness are not necessarily a bad thing.

"How can people work hard without anxiety? Moderate anxiety is good. If anxiety has affected your normal function, we need to reduce it appropriately and try to shift our attention from our own emotions to the things that need to be solved. Come up, let your mind change from disorder to order, and then re-learn. When you are doing innovative things, you can also better meditate and self-awareness in loneliness.”

  Of course, it would help a lot if you can get some mutual partners on a spiritual level.

"For example, looking for some psychological support in the Internet community, hugging each other for warmth, once loneliness and anxiety are shared, it will be downgraded."

  Young people need to realize that people of different ages naturally have different understandings and pursuits of life. How to communicate with their parents in a better way so that they feel that your choices and attempts are understandable and even supportive. is more worth considering.

"Some people feel conservative when it comes to parents, and young people feel reckless, ignorant, and irresponsible. This simplistic 'labeling' way of thinking cannot directly solve problems."

  You can try to sit down and discuss with your loved ones: I want to choose to read again at the age of 30. How did this idea come about?

After all, studying at the age of 30 is not like when I was a child. What is the pressure I have to bear if I choose to study now?

How can I prepare to face the pressures of study, work and family life at the same time?

In Lu Xiaoya's view, after thinking clearly, she may be able to gain the courage to move forward in the arduous reverse walk.

  You still have to find your own life track

  Some netizens described that people have always been accustomed to walking under the "discipline" of the social clock, just like leveling up in a game.

In the exam system, chasing in the marriage and love market, and striving to become a "winner in life" in the workplace, we learned the "strategies" of our predecessors and achieved one success after another, but we forgot to ask ourselves why we play this game.

  Chen Fang, a first-year student majoring in communication, is a "senior diving master" of the "Anti-Social Clock" group.

As a well-behaved girl who grew up in an orderly manner, Chen Fang admires some people in the group for putting "impossible" things into practice.

But she also found that there was a lot of age anxiety in the group.

"A lot of people don't know what time zone they're actually in, they just want to play by the rules of society and say they're counter-clockwise just because they didn't pass an exam or they didn't get a job."

  Chen Fang went to school late, went through the re-enrollment of the college entrance examination, and also experienced World War II in the postgraduate entrance examination. Compared with his classmates in the same grade, he was three or four years older.

"Young people pause and take some detours in the process of growing up. In fact, it is an inevitable way to move forward through twists and turns."

  "'Reverse the clock' is a phenomenon, but people can't be 'reverse' all the time." Lu Xiaoya emphasized, "You are going to study at the age of 30. After reading it? You still have to find a life track of your own."

  "Society is becoming more and more relaxed. Before making any attempt that is different from society's expectations, as long as you think clearly about the consequences of this choice, and you are willing to bear it, it is enough." Everyone has their own time zone. As for In the eyes of others, Lu Xiaoya smiled: "Why put your energy on them, just put on yourself."

  Yu Bingyue, a trainee reporter from China Youth Daily and China Youth Daily Source: China Youth Daily

  April 22, 2022 Version 07