I have a weakness for advertisements of all kinds. I particularly enjoy reading advertisements for partnerships in which attractive 67-year-old dentists who love opera and also have a golf handicap of 14 are looking for smart and, above all, slim women who are under 50, please should.
Eva sleeper
Editor in the "Life" department of the Frankfurter Allgemeine Sunday newspaper.
Follow I follow
But I digress, sorry.
I also really enjoy reading the classified ads in the customer magazine of an organic supermarket.
They are often wonderfully esoteric.
Recently, however, I noticed a slightly esoteric but original advertisement there.
She began, "Selling wedding dress, never worn.
Wedding has been cancelled.”
A dress like a disguise
In the evening I stood in front of the wardrobe and unzipped the garment bag that protects my wedding dress.
It was worn at least once, to the wedding, which luckily took place.
But I had planned to wear it again and again.
This is one of the reasons why I didn't choose a white dress, but a long green skirt made of taffeta silk and a matching sleeveless top with an extravagant orange collar and bow.
It's been seventeen years and I've never worn a skirt or top in public again.
In the first few years, I kept thinking that one of the two pieces would go well with this or that occasion – and then I felt so disguised in front of the mirror at home that I immediately undressed again.
Eventually I gave up.
That evening, too, I banished the two-piece suit to the darkness of the closet.
Less than fifteen minutes later, I caught sight of a classified ad advertising "energetically spiritual clothing."
Their special feature: a minimal number of seams and sewing work, because both cutting fabric by hand and piercing countless small holes attract negative vibrations.
That's when I realized: my wedding dress is the only hand-tailored piece of clothing I own, so it exudes
bad vibes
.
Maybe I should advertise it.