This is how lovesickness can make you sick and what you can do to heal yourself

"What is it to die of love? To die of love inside. It is to run out of your light. It is to lose you in a moment," Miguel Bosé sang.

No matter how hard we try to rationalize it, few things hurt more in life than

So much so that the emotion can become a physical pang that goes through us to the depths of our being.

Movie exaggeration?

Not at all.

"Lovesickness is, in short, a rejection and, inevitably, it causes us pain. A pain that manifests itself physically - with that feeling of stabbing in the heart and even choking sometimes - and then mentally" , confirms

.

If we think about it, continues this doctor, "since our most remote ancestors, we have always needed to

it is a survival mechanism since it is part of our evolution as a species. Working 'as a team' is what has allowed us go further. For this reason, perceiving rejection in the other hurts and

, but, as several scientific studies have shown,

".

For the human being, as a mammal, "being socially connected was, since the beginning of time, essential to receive care and, therefore, to survive."

This 'dependency' meant that, as they evolved, they created "a

".

Molina alludes to the research carried out by the American psychologist and researcher Naomi Eisenberger in this regard.

"

, through a computer game called Cyberball, in which a series of volunteers participated, who underwent

In them it was possible to verify that,

that is, a region that is

. And, furthermore, that the level of activation was higher in those people who felt more rejected. This is very interesting because what it is showing us is that

, which would explain why we can really feel both.

Therefore, we can affirm that rejection generates a deep sense of loss and can endanger our health."

What's more, this psychiatrist warns us, "already in the most extreme cases, to tell an interesting anecdote, there is a heart disease called

, which has been associated not only with situations of physical stress, but also with situations of severe emotional stress. This syndrome, which is very frequent -by the way-, occurs suddenly in the face of emotional trauma. For example, in the face of a breakup that we experience in such a dramatic way that it produces

However, in these cases, a heart attack does not occur, but

which, due to the shape that the heart acquires -in the form of a vase-, was called the

, referring to a trap commonly used in Japan to catch octopuses.

I like to tell this because, many times, we describe heartbreak as if they had "broken our hearts" and that is, they can certainly break it, in quotes, when this syndrome that we have seen occurs.

Things don't look good, but can such pain make us sick?

"Well, we could say yes, because, in the end, we often say that

. When we talk about madness, in mental health, we refer to psychosis or, in a perhaps more understandable term,

, which is precisely what happens to us, sometimes, when we fall madly in love.

we go a little beyond reality. overlook the defects of the other, we can even deny them in even extreme cases".

How can we detect that we are suffering more than 'normal' (without reaching abuse, obviously)?

"Well, here it is very fashionable to talk about

. We mental health professionals usually correct and say that there are no toxic people, but

that some people have. Clarified this, what can give us a warning signal? Well, that we are

: that, suddenly, we are very irritable, very happy, very euphoric or that we lose our appetite and sleep badly

what we're having

Anyway, I think that, in the end, there are several symptoms that, maintained over time, can give us a warning signal."

And what can we do to stop that pain?

"Perhaps I would reformulate the question and, instead of saying stop, I would say live together, I would say accept, I would say regular or I would say manage, because, in the end, we can talk about many types of lovesick situations. If it is

or it seems like it, because sometimes it is hard for us to accept that it is, we have no choice but to

".

In this sense, he clarifies that "when we talk about mourning, loss, mental health, people usually think that it is only experienced when someone dies. But a duel is also a sentimental breakup or a loss of a job. In the end, we have to go through that mourning,

and go through that stage because it

No one can recover just by saying 'come on, I want to get better from my mourning in two days' 'give me a pill to feel better because I broke up with my partner'. Well, no. You have to digest it. And

, which can be stopped with a pill, but you have to go through it.

Therefore, there I would invite people to think about what they are going to do with that duel and, perhaps, what steps they can take to mitigate the blow a little.

What would those steps be?

"The first,

. If we have been

, we are continually thinking about that person, we cannot get it out of our minds (as if our heads were continuously ruminating), we must be aware that

."

Once we have managed to be aware of what is there, "we have to work a little on the motivation to change: we are going to try to reverse this situation. Not so much to get it out of the way and eliminate it, but it does have a lesser impact on us, allowing us to gradually reactivate ourselves little by little".

Defining that process of change would be the third step;

"I'm going to join a new activity or I'm going to meet more people or practice a new sport, a new hobby, whatever."

The fourth step, which would also go along with the third, is that “if we haven't been able to do it ourselves, we should

”.

How can we help those who suffer from it?

"I usually say here that, in aid, the most important thing is two things. On the one hand,

, which, in the end, is to understand and empathize.

. Nor is it comforting to argue that it could have been worse or to try to convince with banal arguments that are not appropriate, because each person experiences things in a different way. "

Once their pain has been validated, the most effective help is to establish "what we call the

, that is, through the reflective question: 'Hey, and how do you think all this is affecting you in your usual rhythm? Do you feel like this for a long time a day? Is it taking you away from doing other things? Is it affecting you at work? How do you think you could do to be better? Do you think you're okay like this?'. These questions, in which we are accompanying and doing

are very therapeutic per se The subject himself, when he is speaking,

Once we have asked these questions, it is very useful to work on stopping thinking about 'why this happened and why and why' to start executing, to

and look for a solution to the problem: 'What can we do to find you better? What do you think would be good for you?

What would you like to do?'., And, therefore, accompany in what we call

".

"My heart is dry. And it's from having cried so much," said Bosé.

What he did not count is that, as Dr. Molina has explained to us (and all of us have experienced at some point) everything happens...

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