Why am I in a bad mood and what can I do to control it without exploding with someone who doesn't deserve it

We don't have 'the croissant oven' (gourmet version of the popular and rather more ordinary saying).

They attribute it to

but this already came from further back.

Because, although it is true that we were already on a

, confinement, masks and social distance have made our character even more sour.

So, without being very aware of it (or yes), we walk around the world like

who, before the gentleman he was asking for a cat to change the wheel of his car answered , he alone had already 'heated up' so much that, instead of asking for his help, I order him to put his tool in for safekeeping.

There is a lot of talk about sadness but "we are with irritability on the surface. Stress, uncertainty and even disbelief in the face of

, which affects us all socially and personally and in which there is

", explains Soraya Bajat, head of Mental Health at the Sanitas La Moraleja University Hospital and of the Psychology service at La Zarzuela.

We have the minimum tolerance level.

"We click faster than ever and we notice it from the first coffee in the morning.

. And, to make matters worse, the madness of the day begins: rushing the children, that we are lazy and we are going to be late for school; put them in the car and plunge into traffic surrounded by people who are with the same angry face. Meanwhile, we review the work schedule: 'I'm going to be late, I have to do this or this other thing and it's urgent. I'm running out of time. I don't make it. And so-and-so is on leave. No one helps me. And

zutanito spends his time walking around the office.'

(like the guy in Eugenio's joke)".

Are we really more pissed off now than two years ago?

"Yes, we are. In general,

and we are going through a historical moment in which we feel a lot of frustration due to the lack of spontaneity or freedom to do many things, either due to internal precautions or external restrictions. ".

Before the pandemic, he relates, "it was not usual for someone to come to me

in the last year, however, the number of patients who, from the first moment, They

see in their state of permanent anger one of the main

.

How can we realize that we are over the thread?

"It's easy to tell because we're usually aware when we're in that

(although we mistakenly believe it's totally justified) and, furthermore, people around us tend to tell us because it's something they end up suffering from as well."

Bajat is convinced that the trauma of 2020, fueled now by the terrible war in Ukraine, has taken a bigger toll on us than we think.

"Why are we constantly pissed off? The answer is not simple

. Well, all these elements occur in what we call

a term that encompasses a lot of things and that, although it does not explain anything, gives some comfort for the mere fact of having given it a name. But that doesn't fix it. We can call it pandemic fatigue or whitebait,

, we're not really helping anyone."

This psychologist does not remember that "we have been living with it inside us since the beginning of 2020. It's already been two years

. The first step to solve it is to be aware that we are feeling it."

How can we identify that fear?

"Fear

, but if we pay attention to ourselves, we will realize it, since, however it is expressed,

.

, we can experience fear, anger, worry, restlessness , uncertainty, etc.

, it will make it difficult for us to do things naturally and even prevent us from doing others If we stop doing things that we used to do or do them with much more concern, if we live angry or in a state of permanent alert, if we don't feel free to act like we used to, etc., so we

."

Can we avoid feeling that fear?

"Sometimes, we cannot avoid it. In fact,

. We have to

it, not to let it win the battle, especially when we clearly feel it before situations that should not provoke us. We have to

by doing what is difficult for us and, little by little, they will stop causing us discomfort."

GO TO

Irritability is now, more than ever, on the surface.

"People who

. And those who weren't

situations, like being cut off by a car at a traffic light, make us explode in a cataract of expletives Before, surely, we would not have given it importance, but now

that you do not even know where it comes from and that often even embarrasses us.

Soraya Baja explains that "anger or irritability are affections that we find very easy to identify when we feel them."

However, what is really difficult is "realizing that

or that we are experiencing a slight annoyance like a monumental anger."

For almost all of us, he continues, "it is very easy for us to find guilty to explain everything that happens to us, that of "throwing balls out", but it

. In addition, anger is the

because , although it makes us feel bad, we feel legitimized to live it that way and we also see it as something necessary to defend ourselves and our rights".

The only way to control irritability is to not give it free rein.

"Many times I can't control what I feel, but I can

. If I'm "angry" I'll have to make an effort so that that anger doesn't come to light; I'll have to stop myself every time I feel that I have reasons to be angry with something or someone,

that it cannot be that everyone is an idiot or wrong and that, the best,

.

It does not usually fail that we stop to analyze that if something annoys us sometimes yes and sometimes not, the problem is in us and not outside.

What really bothers us always bothers us;

.

Being aware of this is very important and helps us control the expression of our bad mood, and the less we express it, the more it will go down."

The only way to avoid the explosion of anger is not to fan the fire: "Contrary to popular belief, you don't suddenly go from 0 to 100.

reason. We

(again, the cat type) in which we justify our anger and reaffirm what we feel, remembering past grievances, strengthening more and more that anger we feel until any insignificant trigger unleashes the burst that was latent".

For all this, it is essential to "stop this course of thought, stop looking for the reasons that justify our anger, try to calm down and say to ourselves: '

, I'll think about it in another time". We must try to

thinking that, maybe, if someone else told us this, we would not believe that it is such a big deal. We must look for anything that distracts us and allows us to cut the loop of cascading thoughts that make us feel more and more offended, because if we don't, when we get to 60-70, any stimulus that upsets us will be enough to get us to 100".

With the

, for example, when we see that someone is getting more and more angry or is getting hotter by the minute, "the best thing is to try to

make a soft review that the situation is it's getting

of hand for all of us, so we better change the subject

. Also, it probably doesn't fit reality at all.Most of us have

many times what stops us is that the environment does not favor the explosion and, in the end, we calm down.

When we see a person close to us who is very tense, it is best to say gently and always pluralizing 'well, we better talk about this when we are all calmer' or 'this is not the time for this, I don't feel ready to talk now' .

;

it is better that we always speak in the plural ("it seems that we are all very nervous, better leave this for another time") since it is about calming the other and not a competition about who is better than who.

(It is not necessary to always give our opinion of everything, much less when we perceive that the other party is not receptive).

Above all, we must avoid creating more conflict;

Let's not lose sight of the fact that

, it is to help the other to be well and calm again.

How do we manage the outburst of anger from a family member, a friend or a co-worker?

"Here the most important thing is

.

so, in situations in which the other explodes, we have to be very alert so as not to get carried away by the first reaction that is usually respond with the same virulence. No phrases "but what's wrong?" "Are you crazy?" "Why do you treat me like that?" Or what's worse, make fun of his emotional state. Let's try to calm and relax the situation. Surely what is being discussed is not so important and, if it is, what is certain is that this is not the time to address it. So relax and use

of the style of: 'It's okay, we'll talk quietly at another time', 'it's okay, we all get very nervous sometimes, we're not perfect'.

We do not personalize.

Actually, it is not against us, it is that

He may be unwell for many reasons.

, because the one who is really suffering the most is the one who has lost his temper."

Of course, he points out, "

Violence is never justified."

SEEKING PEACE

How can we find that peace that is not elusive?

"Trying to relativize, to stop giving ourselves the reason when we think that we are like this for obvious reasons, thinking that, perhaps, we are not in the best moment and that is why we live everything with such intensity, but, above all,

aimed at entrenching ourselves in that discomfort," he advises.

Our lifestyle also plays a decisive role: "

, which also implies having healthy routines, will always help us to be in a better mood.

is also a very healthy way to release tension and

that, without a directed activity where it can be released, will undoubtedly favor emotional discomfort expressed in the form of restlessness, worry, anxiety, fear, alteration and conflicts, etc. Hence the unhealthy nature of a sedentary lifestyle from an emotional point of view ".

The

, he warns, does not help "because the body feels compelled to fight to stay active and awake by increasing the activity of the sympathetic nervous system that favors alteration, nervousness and irritability, among others."

In case, at this point, there is still any doubt about it, remember that "the

, including alcohol,

, both during consumption and during withdrawal. Unfortunately, addictions have increased during the pandemic, and that is also influencing the negative emotional states that many people find themselves in."

And what can I do if I try all of the above and still feel 'weird'?

"Well, that's when we should

so that from the professional field he can help us feel good again," concludes this specialist.

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