"Three children" and "women" are hot words at this year's two sessions.
When these two hot words come together, women in "three-child" families are a group worthy of attention.
Having given birth to multiple children and being caught in the ocean of housework, can a mother still have her own career and life?
Women have the right to own their own lives
Zhang Zhaoan, a deputy to the National People's Congress and a researcher at the Shanghai Academy of Social Sciences, brought the "Suggestions on Improving the Supporting System to Promote the Implementation of the "Three-Child" Policy" this year.
Among them, it is mentioned that the main factors affecting the implementation of the "three-child" policy are the change of young people's concept of marriage and childbirth, the high proportion of dual-earner families, fierce competition in the workplace, high child support costs, and high living costs including housing prices.
Zhang Zhaoan said frankly that because the current infant care system is not yet perfect, many parents of children have difficulty balancing the relationship between family and work.
In real social life, most women will be affected more or less in their careers after giving birth, and even have to start from scratch.
Therefore, in view of the current employment situation and the reality of workplace competition, some women dare not take the risk of having children again, and some families are discouraged from having a second or third child.
Fang Chao, a full-time consultant at the Student Mental Health Education and Counseling Center of Peking University, has long been devoted to the study of families with multiple children.
She pointed out that women must first believe that they are entitled, worthy and able to have their own lives while raising multiple children.
"Women's beliefs at the cognitive level are very important, which is equivalent to a role positioning. Only with a clear and clear positioning can we talk about methods."
There is also a view in society, "The mothers of the previous generation had so many children, and they lived well."
Fang Chao pointed out that the previous generation did not really have this problem, but they did not feel that losing oneself was a problem.
"The family model of the previous generation or earlier was mostly dominated by men outside and women in the house. Women dedicate themselves in the family and identify with this role. But today's women have the demand for self-development, and in reality, girls are from Going to school and work is not inferior to boys."
To be a better mother is to be a better self.
Fang Chao believes that women should not want to be a "perfect mother", but a "good enough" mother.
"The 'perfect mother' is the mother's own needs, not the children's needs. Children in multi-child families, in more complex relationships, can learn to cooperate more, compete more, and deal with their own emotions. Moms Take it easy and believe in your child's potential."
Fang Chao's friend has 3 children. Once, she took the children on the street alone.
Someone said, "My God, isn't it dangerous for you to cross the road with 3 small children?" The mother complained disdainfully, "Do you think my children can't even cross the road?"
A family is sometimes like a company
Fang Chao said that raising multiple children requires more time and energy than having only one child, some of which are "force majeure", but a family is sometimes like a company and needs to be managed, and there is room for optimization in some links.
Moreover, all family members are involved in the "project" of raising children.
In Fang Chao's home, a family meeting is held every week, with all members participating.
The content of the meeting includes what everyone has done in the past week, how is their mood, what progress has been made, what difficulties are there, whether they need help or not, they will also give opinions, criticism and self-criticism to each other.
There is a question on Zhihu, the Internet Q&A community, "What is the daily life of a person with three children?"
Under this question, netizen Carrie's answer is unique: housework is no longer meticulous, and machines can be used for machines.
For lunch, one child changes the pattern every day, and each of the three children has a sandwich every day. What, if one is not enough, then two.
The refrigerator must have a large capacity, and if I want to add a freezer, it is always full.
One child doesn't make any noise, just pesters his mother, annoying to death; 3 children quarrel every day, and his head hurts to death; but there are 3 babies who can be hugged and kissed, and 3 babies told me, mother wish you a good night Sweet dreams, what a beautiful thing this is!
Netizen "Kelly Chicken" has 3 children, they are 2 years old, 3 years old, 5 and a half years old.
She drew herself a schedule from 6 am to 10 pm, accurate to every half hour, with time management skills like a professional manager.
She said: "Parents in families with many children must have superb discipline skills, otherwise the adults will be tired and the children will suffer."
There are complaints in these answers, there are methods, and there is more love.
Fang Chao said: "Parents are like leaders. They can set the goals of the family and make all family members work in one direction; they can ask questions, analyze problems, and solve problems, so that children can achieve self-management under management and restraint."
Dad's sense of responsibility is very important
Raising children, especially in the first three years, involves a lot of time and energy. Although there may be the help of the elderly on both sides, Fang Chao does not agree with "intergenerational parenting" from a professional point of view.
"The role and function of parents are irreplaceable for the previous generation. When there is disagreement, you should listen to your parents."
Having children is by no means a matter for a woman alone. It is a joint choice and decision of both husband and wife. Since you have chosen to have multiple children, you must find a way to face it together.
At this time, the sense of responsibility and ability of the husband-father is particularly important.
Fang Chao pointed out that when gender roles and gender division of labor become more flexible, and only when both husband and wife agree, the family system and structure can become more flexible.
"Parenting a child must involve the father's participation, including housework, family management, etc." Fang Chao said, "When the child fights, the father needs to mediate; the mother is depressed and needs the father's support and company."
Zhang Zhaoan suggested that for families with many children, the maternity leave and the husband's escort leave can be appropriately extended; a flexible maternity leave system can also be implemented, the husband's paternity leave and the wife's maternity leave and maternity leave are added up, and the family decides the relationship between the husband and the wife. how to allocate time.
Individuals and families are ready, and enterprises and society should also reduce the financial burden of childcare for young people and solve their worries.
At the enterprise level, Zhang Zhaoan suggested to promote a career-friendly policy for three-child mothers, introduce preferential employment policies for three-child mothers, and give certain tax concessions to enterprises that recruit three-child mothers; encourage enterprises to accept three-child mothers to work from home or flexibly during childcare The work system encourages stay-at-home mothers to accept fragmented work during the parenting stage.
From the social level, various supporting facilities must be kept up in time, especially the improvement of infant care services and education systems.
Zhang Zhaoan suggested that by rebuilding and expanding kindergartens, increasing the proportion of public kindergartens, vigorously encouraging and supporting employers and social forces, participating in the establishment of childcare service institutions, vigorously increasing the enrollment rate, and solving the "big problem" of "who will bring the children?" .
China Youth Daily, China Youth Daily reporter Jiang Xiaobin Source: China Youth Daily