Where can I reach you right now?

In addition to the nervous "Can you hear me?" This is the second opening question of virtual conferences.

Yes, where does he work, the wind-blown colleague with the storm hairstyle?

At least not outside, although the gusts sweep across the country there.

He sits in front of the virtual background, which makes the contours of the head flicker.

Ursula Kals

Editor in business, responsible for "Youth Writes".

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That looks grotesque.

Colleagues who otherwise meticulously pay attention to their serious appearance crouch in front of the screen and look hoddly in front of their neutral-monochrome backgrounds.

Her hairstyles are reminiscent of a mixture of mop, Pumuckl cut and badly oiled punk cut with a courageous grip on the socket.

Sometimes they grow ear tufts like palm fronds, sometimes shadows hover like haloes behind deformed otters' heads.

It gets bad when the cheeky offspring blows in at home, picks up a pen, chocolate bar or a slogan for algebra and announces in amazement: “Mom, is the cauliflower on its head?

Doesn't he look like a woman?!” Office floor, open up!

Put the mute on, bug the little commenter out.

Act fast as the wind, before the notorious shock images appear and the flickering internet connection causes horrible still images.

Just like the horror photos of the last analog office break that some Honk posted on the intranet.

Of course, one who is very well taken on all snapshots.

The only consolation is that even the gorgeous colleagues who walk the catwalks of this world look pitilessly unflattering when their mouths are open or their eyes widen unnaturally.

So, dear pictures, keep moving!

In the column Nine to Five, changing authors write about everyday life in the office and university.