Throwaway links: the search for love in the time of Tinder

It's been a while since dating apps stopped being the exception to become

when looking for a romantic relationship.

Signing up is certainly easy: just upload a few photos, a description and select a list of interests.

For the algorithm to work, the private self must shed some layers.

Then, you have to wait for the virtual environment and the movements with the little finger to work their magic.

Flirting is obvious, people are predisposed and often even make explicit their desire to be with someone.

There are those who are not only looking for sex and entertainment after a breakup.

The

thanks to Tinder is also a constant.

In dating apps, the romantic bond is established practically as in a physical situation.

There are those who take advantage of their journey on the Metro to dissect profiles, sometimes with an absent attitude, but with the hope that at any moment a crush may appear.

Others, on the other hand, take it very seriously and explore their potential crush while sitting on the toilet.

There are those who do not want to waste time and I do not judge them.

faster and right now

However, the facilities offered by Tinder (and company) when it comes to meeting people are often a mirage.

Dating apps are children of their time, a time that, as the sociologist Zygmunt Bauman already predicted, is marked by

The fleeting, the immediate and the uncertain constitute the pattern of these apps.

Also variety and novelty.

If after receiving that match there is no affinity, you think you deserve more or you confirm that you have not chosen correctly,

the application promises an overabundance of users and encourages freedom of choice.

It's your turn to slide again.

And the downturn came

The feeling of frustration will appear after a while, depending on your threshold of patience and the cost-benefit ratio.

There are many unsatisfactory dynamics that we can find in the use of Tinder, as well as toxic behaviors that can be identified in a significant part of users.

It is obvious that

It promises us more possibilities, more sex, more excitement.

However, it frames them in a repetitive, monotonous pattern linked to the logic of the market.

The context of dating apps is based on the economy of excess and this, in the medium and long term, ends up

In the first place, it is difficult for a person to feel unique and humanized when they feel part of a catalogue.

Of course, there are those who refuse to believe it and who openly accept it and integrate it as part of the game of seduction.

You have to know each other better

Second, people need a minimum sense of physical and emotional security to be able to connect with the other, that is, to open up to intimacy.

This requires autonomy, interest and dedication.

We can tolerate some uncertainty, including here the possibility that the other interacts with more profiles;

and that there is no, for the moment, corporeality.

However, on many occasions the connection disappears because

Before the match there is a certain degree of competitiveness, but after it, many do not know how to act and make their emotional part known.

Conversations end up being cyclical and insipid.

Tinder gives you the opportunity to present your ideal self through a careful selection of your photos and a brief personal description.

However, that information is never enough to express your positive characteristics.

In fact, that 'desired authenticity' is nothing more than

In a world saturated with images, we continue to yearn for the message, the communication, the encounter.

I agree that meeting and seeing is practical, but if you don't spend time building intimacy, no one may want to date you.

It is useless to exhibit yourself as perfect if then you do not know how to be accessible and show your emotional involvement.

Those who do not speak must learn forms of expression and those who speak must in turn explore other languages.

Affinity does not arise spontaneously:

It is a two-way process and not a monologue with the algorithm.

If you want a relationship, you have to invest time in creating it.

They are people, not objects

On the other hand, virtualization often causes

for example, empathy.

The idea persists of not giving explanations if you do not want to continue with the conversation or if you choose to disappear.

In our daily lives, we rarely ignore people in this way.

Possibly, we would be more delicate and considerate, taking a minute to explain that there is no common chemistry or intentions.

On the other hand, in dating apps, many users make narcissism and rudeness their most notable features.

Thus, some people forget that behind these profiles there are people with expectations, fears and hopes.

That is, as an object.

But it is also worth asking if the fact of exhibiting ourselves as merchandise makes us also show ourselves more insensitive.

Connection and commitment are craved, but we seem to be uncritical of ourselves when we behave like tyrants.

Dating apps have their peculiarities, some positive and others negative.

But it is not fair to hold the medium responsible for the fact that

Great love stories need co-responsible and flexible people in the construction of the bond.

And given this, it is worth asking, do we perhaps give up more today at the first misunderstanding or symptom of incompatibility?

Let's not forget that knowing each other (and loving each other) also implies understanding each other in the conflict.

Conforms to The Trust Project criteria

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