I can't find love in the city, I can't find a blind date when I return to my hometown
Young working men: Where can we find a good relationship between urban and rural areas?
Our reporter Chen Xi
"Workers Daily" (February 25, 2022 Edition 05)
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During the Spring Festival holiday, many new-generation migrant workers once again fell into the peak period of "being urged to marry".
The reporter's interview found that due to multiple factors such as high betrothal gifts and "marriage gradient", the new generation of male migrant workers is increasingly at a disadvantage in the marriage and love market.
They have limited opportunities to choose a mate in the city and have to return to the traditional circle of marriage and love, and the competition of returning home for a blind date is also becoming increasingly fierce.
Experts suggest that the institutional obstacles that still exist on the way to choose a mate should be cleared away, and at the same time, a platform and time for marriage and love should be provided for them.
"We arranged 8 blind dates in 10 days, and met 3 girls on the sixth day of the new year." This year's Spring Festival, 28-year-old Shandong boy Wang Zhendong was busy.
Working in Tianjin for 11 years, he has never met a suitable girl. His parents mobilized relatives and friends to connect with friends in his hometown, but he also repeatedly hit a wall.
Wang Zhendong was helpless, "Many fellows are in the same situation, where is our happiness?"
The reporter's interview found that due to multiple factors such as high betrothal gifts and "marriage gradient", the new generation of male migrant workers is increasingly at a disadvantage in the marriage and love market.
They have limited opportunities to choose a mate in the city and have to return to the traditional circle of marriage and love, and the competition of returning home for a blind date is also becoming increasingly fierce.
Many young people wander between urban and rural areas, and eventually fall into the embarrassing situation of "no wife to marry".
Into the city: few opportunities for free love
"On February 14th, I delivered 9 orders of flowers." As a food delivery driver, Wang Zhendong was unable to hide his loneliness in a romantic atmosphere, "My family is average, I only have a junior high school education, and the girls in the city don't look down on me. , rural girls also consider me as a candidate."
Unlike their parents, the new generation of migrant workers mostly entered the city unmarried, and also jumped into a larger circle of marriage and love.
Under the gradient marriage model of "higher for men and lower for women", young women gain greater choices through employment, and young men are therefore caught in a more severe mate dilemma.
Wang Zhendong has experienced two failed relationships, and the reason given by the woman is the same, "You earn too little, we have no future."
And the cost of falling in love has already made him shy. Every time he goes on a date, Wang Zhendong will subconsciously weigh the cost in his mind, "A cup of milk tea is 20 yuan, and it takes 1 hour for takeaway, and a movie is 60 yuan, and it takes 3 hours for takeout. …”
Qiao Lingling, who works as a waiter in a restaurant in Hangzhou, just rejected the confession of a rural boy: "I want to take root in Hangzhou, not just spend the first half of my life."
As a child of migrant workers, Qiao Lingling also knows the feeling of being left behind and does not want her children to repeat the same mistakes.
"Although I have entered the city, my circle is smaller than before." Shen Weian, a 31-year-old man from Hubei, works as a furniture installer in Beijing. He attributes his singleness to his work.
"When I first arrived, I changed jobs frequently, the opposite sex around was not fixed, and I didn't have the confidence to fall in love. Now this industry is full of boys, and the work is dirty, hard, and tired. to the girl."
Shen Weian has communicated with fellow villagers in the same village. They are generally engaged in "same-sex gathering" industries such as express delivery and construction. Many people have the same confusion as him.
Returning home: Blind date and mate selection are difficult
Young men cannot find love in the city, so they can only turn their attention to the countryside, and returning to their hometown to choose a mate has become the mainstream choice.
However, the large number of competitors and the high betrothal gifts can be called the two major "stumbling blocks".
On the fifth day of the Lunar New Year this year, more than 100 men lined up in a long queue at the Picheng River One Blind Date Conference in Xuzhou, Jiangsu, while there were only 5 women.
Shen Wei'an is no stranger to this kind of scene. "Girls of the same age are basically married, and many of them are married to other places, while a lot of boys are left. Every time they go home for a blind date, they can only choose."
Jin Yongai, an associate professor at the School of Social and Demographic Studies at Renmin University of China, analyzed that in rural areas, due to the demand for labor and the influence of concepts such as "passing down the lineage", there are a large number of young men who are ready for marriage.
As a result, women have mastered the initiative in the marriage market, and the cost of marriage for men has also risen.
Zhang Tao, a young man from Henan who just got married last year, not only used up his family's savings, but also owed a lot of foreign debts.
He calculated an account for the reporter, "It cost 480,000 yuan to buy a house in the county, and the daughter-in-law's family asked for a dowry of 160,000 yuan. In addition to the engagement, the banquet, and the period from the blind date to the receipt of the certificate, it cost a total of 480,000 yuan. Nearly 750,000 yuan."
This huge sum of money made Wang Zhendong feel hopeless, and he also resisted the blind date model itself.
"The two got engaged after seeing each other a few times, and then went their separate ways. They could only get along for a short time during holidays, and they were not familiar with each other on the wedding day, let alone love each other."
For young women, the influence of urban marriage and love culture is also reflected in the increasing number of unmarried people, which also aggravates the "short supply" of marriageable women.
According to the "Report on the Investigation of Marriage among Rural Youths" released last year in Ningbo, Zhejiang, only 59.85% of women believed that marriage was "very necessary", which was 22.5 percentage points lower than that of men.
Solution: Create better conditions for marriage and childbirth
A number of interviewed experts said that the premise of achieving a breakthrough in marriage is to help migrant workers better integrate into the city.
Further downplay the identity distinction brought about by the dual household registration system between urban and rural areas, establish a unified social security system for urban and rural areas, enable them to enjoy equal rights in employment, medical care, and pensions, and remove the remaining institutional obstacles on the road to mate selection.
Qi Jianan, a researcher at the China Population and Development Research Center, believes that at the social level, we should break the stereotypes and bad habits such as sky-high betrothal gifts and grand events, and build a new culture of marriage and childbirth; advocate young people to establish a correct view of marriage, and not use money as a standard to measure interpersonal, interpersonal and childbearing. The importance and importance of marriage and family relations; expand the space for public activities, so that young people’s dating is no longer limited to various consumption places, correct negative thoughts such as “love is money”, and create an open and positive social life environment.
"It is necessary to provide a platform and time for migrant workers to choose a spouse." Jin Yong'ai believes that, on the one hand, the government should encourage and support public service agencies to build a platform for young people to exchange information and make friends. Enterprises can also jointly carry out various forms of friendship activities. Broaden their social networks; on the other hand, it is necessary to strengthen the supervision of the employment of enterprises, to ensure the legal rights of migrant workers to rest and take vacations, so that they have more time for life and love.
In the context of the second demographic transition, some young people pursue the realization of self-worth and no longer believe that marriage and childbirth are the only way of life.
In this regard, Li Jianxin, a professor at the Department of Sociology of Peking University, said that while respecting diverse choices and giving young people more space, society should also provide correct guidance, relieve their worries in terms of career development and children's education, and create better opportunities for them. marital conditions.