On this Monday, February 14, millions of lovers celebrate Valentine's Day.
Among them, some met on a dating app.
And for the lucky ones, love at first sight happened on the first attempt.
Scroll, swipe, match.
When we talk about online dating, you have to master the language, the codes, and agree to submit to the algorithms of the different apps that promise you to find love, the real one, the one that lasts forever.
For idealistic romantics, it's not easy to go browsing in these big virtual supermarkets of love (especially if you've watched "The Tinder Scammer" on Netflix!).
However, some of our initially reluctant readers eventually signed up for a dating app.
And to their surprise, it matched.
On the occasion this Monday of Valentine's Day, lovers tell
20 Minutes
how they found love at the first swipe.
"He's the only one I've ever answered"
His registration, Zazou, 32, did it backwards.
“I didn't like the idea of looking for a man by swiping, judging on a photo, like choosing a piece of meat.
Besides, on my profile, I had put a blurred photo and a very brief description, and I didn't respond to any likes.
Until that famous morning when, for work, I had to go 200 km from my home, to a city I don't like.
He sends me a message, and I discover the profile of this cute, elegant and sporty man.
I answer him, he's the only one I've ever answered!
I ask him where he is from, and he tells me that he lives precisely in this city!
It was fate!
We didn't stop talking, and a week later, he invited me to the restaurant, we fell in love.
Today, we want to get married and settle down together”.
In practice, "this "supermarket" side, we can't really escape it: these criteria are the first thing we see of the person", deciphers Camille Rochet, psychotherapist and author of the book Les 5 Beliefs which prevent you from being happy as a couple (ed. Larousse).
Even today, “these apps are a source of negative preconceptions, especially for women: swiping, reducing the person to a list of criteria and a photo can be prohibitive, confirms Véronique Kohn, psychotherapist and author of Quel(s) ) in love are you?
(ed. Tchou).
In our consumerist society, we find ourselves placed in the rank of a consumable object, and many are not comfortable with this notion”.
"He didn't have the profile of a guy who plays with women"
So, to each their own little trick so as not to have the impression of going hunting for their love steak.
Like Muriel, 62, who remembers perfectly what she was doing seven years ago to the day: “I registered on UnDeuxToi on February 14, 2015. It was my first time on a site meeting, I was very suspicious, therefore very demanding.
When I saw his picture, he wasn't smiling, and oddly, that attracted me: I thought he didn't have the profile of a guy who plays with women on dating sites.
Because a simple image says a lot.
“We are embodied by a body, recalls Camille Rochet.
Someone who chooses a very simple cliché to introduce themselves rather than a sexy photo sends back the image of a person who is not in the scene of himself and who seeks to seduce at all costs.
It's reassuring, and ultimately, it's seductive”.
Moreover, what attracted Juliette to Romain, “is his humor.
Rather than the banal "Hi, how are you?", her first message read: "Hey, did you know that sea otters hold hands when they sleep to avoid getting lost?", the 30-year-old recalls .
It was so original and cute, I immediately fell in love”.
And for the lovebirds, everything happened very quickly: “After a month we moved in together, we got married on the day of our second anniversary, we built our house and there, I will give birth to a baby. our first child one day to the next!
For her part, Muriel does not regret having started either.
“I contacted him after a week, we saw each other a few days later and today we are married and very happy”.
“I was way too shy to meet people in real life”
And when you're shy, getting to know each other on the screen can help you feel confident.
Like Artémis, 28, who met the man who became her husband on Adopt a guy.
“He was one of the first to contact me, I was 19 years old and I was far too shy to meet people in real life.
Exchanging first by messages reassured me, and when we saw each other, the crush was confirmed.
Nine years later, I'm pregnant with twins!
Like her, Céline, 36, found love on the first try, and even on the first day.
“I registered on Meetic on June 19, 2011, the same evening, I was chatting with him, I immediately fell in love and I gave him my number.
Today we are married and have two children.
All this in one evening on Meetic!
»
Noémie, she took her time more before seeing her match.
“He was a soldier in Mali, we spent the whole summer writing to each other on Adopte un mec.
It suited me that he was far away: I didn't feel ready to see someone "in real life" so quickly, admits the 29-year-old young woman.
He only returned to France four months later, he came to see me the day of his return and love at first sight was instantaneous, confirming our complicity.
Three and a half years later, it's still mad love.
If Noémie had the excuse of the distance, “I always advise not to wait too long before seeing each other in real life, explains Camille Rochet.
If you're shy or recovering from a breakup, it's comfortable to get behind a screen.
But the feeling is not always confirmed in reality and we sometimes come across people who are only looking to "narcissize" themselves, to flatter their ego but who flee when it comes to making the meeting a reality," she warns.
Thus, “if the virtual has the advantage of disinhibiting at first, slowing down the real meeting is to risk being disappointed if the spark is not there.
Reality confronts fantasy, hence the importance of not wasting time”, confirms Véronique Kohn.
“I even advise to quickly see the entourage of his crush, adds Camille Rochet.
It's not about meeting your mother after three dates, but about seeing your friends, your environment, making sure you have things in common and that you're not dealing with a married person!
»
A little help for “balcony neighbours”
Apps can also give fate a little boost.
When Hélène, 29, left Paris for Nantes on a whim, she quickly registered on Tinder.
And his first match had a surprise in store for him: “We realized that we were neighbors on the balcony!
We exchanged our first glances from our respective perches, before going for a drink and ending the night together.
Two and a half years later, we live together, we have a cat and plans to start a family.
Tinder, I didn't believe it, but it worked!
For Anthony, 27, it was Happn that worked.
“The app geolocates registered people around you.
We matched, and the love of my life actually lived 100 meters from my house, we had probably met many times without knowing it!
After our first date,
I went to see her every night, then I moved in with her and we adopted a dog.
Today we have a son, who will soon be a big brother!
»
Lydie, she found someone she had known forever.
“As children, we lived in the same building and in CM1, we were side by side in the class photo!
But too shy, we had never spoken to each other.
In 2013, I put it in my basket, it was obvious!
We moved in together after three months, we settled down after six, and by the seventh month we were expecting a baby.
Today we are married and happy parents of three children.
And we are signing our promise to purchase on February 14!
»
"In real life, it's not easy to expand your network," says Camille Rochet.
And “when we work more, we go out less, and we are at a time in our life when we want to be in a relationship, apps are meeting facilitators, observes Véronique Kohn.
It is an additional meeting circle, in addition to the work and the friendly environment.
But the important thing to live this experience well is not to be in the obligation of result where one "must" find love.
If it matches, so much the better, if not, you have to take a step back to tell yourself that it doesn't matter”.
And that love may be on the next swipe.
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