'I'm being urged to marry every festive season': How to break the communication dilemma
Yang Chaoqing
A survey shows that 68.2% of the surveyed unmarried young people have experienced "propulsion for marriage and love", and 80.6% of the surveyed unmarried young people admitted that being "prompted" increases the pressure of visiting relatives and friends during the Spring Festival.
In the face of urging marriage and love, 59.2% of the surveyed unmarried young people will change the topic and attention, and 53.0% of the surveyed unmarried young people will agree with whatever the other party says.
(February 10, "China Youth Daily")
At the moment of economic marketization and population mobility, even parents and relatives have more opportunities to gather during the New Year.
"Being urged to marry every festival" means that there is a generation gap in the discourse system between the two generations, and the screw cannot be screwed into the nut.
They are not familiar enough with the cities where young people live, nor do they know much about the work and life of unmarried youths. Caring about their marriage and love status has become a way and a topic for parents and relatives to deal with their children.
Due to different ideas, the two generations have different attitudes on marriage and love.
Those who have not yet entered marriage and love have the pressure of survival of "being too big", but also the helplessness of expanding the radius of marriage and intensifying competition in marriage and love; in addition, pay attention to the degree of emotional fit, the pursuit of lifestyle in harmony, and care about the consistency of values, so that "willing to wait and not willing to Just" has become a rational choice for young people.
Parents, relatives and friends urge marriage and love, not only from the individual's old experience and old methods, but also from the influence of the circle of acquaintances.
Under the coercion of anxiety, Chinese-style parents who are accustomed to taking "other people's children" as reference objects are prone to psychological gaps and a sense of relative deprivation; they who do not want their children to "be left behind" are eager to urge marriage and love in various ways. Encourage and spur unmarried young people to "marriage and love as early as possible".
To enter marriage and love, it is necessary to have a clear understanding of oneself, but also to form a healthy and mature view of marriage and love.
Parents and relatives are accustomed to result evaluation, and often only care about "is there or not"; young people care about process evaluation, and care about "good or not".
Even if there are leftover males and females, we cannot deny their attempts and efforts in entering into marriage and love; the elders must not only have a "problem awareness", but also a "process awareness" to give young people more room for growth and transition zones.
Behind "being urged to marry every festive season" lies the communication dilemma of the two generations.
Some young people preconceived that "you don't understand what you say" and "it's pointless to say it", and give up in-depth communication with their parents about their living conditions and emotional experiences.
This requires some parents to change their "condescending" attitude, and to understand and consider the current situation of their children's life with a more peaceful attitude.
When both parties can actively debug and communicate actively, "being urged to marry every festive season" can become an opportunity for positive interaction.