Has this year's goal been achieved?
Don't let "self-limiting" hinder you from moving forward
It sounds like self-limiting is a very "stupid" behavior. It seems that the competition has not yet started and has already frightened oneself. In fact, self-limiting is a self-protection strategy.
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2021 is coming to an end. Do you remember the goal set at the beginning of the year?
Would you say to me worriedly, "It's less than a month left, it's too late!"
I recently ran into a high school student in a similar situation. It was just after a monthly exam in the third year of high school came to an end.
Xiaoen, a student who is among the top in the class, asked me for advice. He said that his grades had deteriorated and he was really not talented and too stupid!
No matter how hard you try, it's useless.
I knew that he had already targeted a 985 university far away. I asked him: "Do you think that the college entrance examination is mainly based on talent? What are the requirements for achieving good results?" He thought for a while and said, "If it's just about the college entrance examination. , I think the performance is 30% talent + 40% hard work + 20% status + 10% environment." I said: "Yes, talent is not the decisive factor, hard work is more important."
Unexpectedly, Xiao En was unhappy and worried: "Now it is in the third year of high school, and talented classmates are also starting to work hard, so I can't catch up..." Then he began to carefully list the classmates who ranked in front of him in the monthly exam. How about this? Clever, how diligent that one, and how to get up early and greedy black questions, he was hailed as the "king of the dormitory"... As he talked, his tone became more angry and unwilling, and the notebooks in his hand were all clenched into a ball.
Indeed, there may be many friends who have encountered a situation similar to Xiaoen in their hard work: the vision is very beautiful, the time is tight, the task is heavy, the goal is high, there are too many obstacles, and there is no way to start...When you are worried about these problems When you are locked up and strongly doubt yourself, then you have to think about it. Is this "self-limiting" yourself?
Have you started worrying about "I can't do it" without exerting all your strength?
Self-limitation is a behavior that a person sets up obstacles to possible failures in advance.
For example, Xiaoen first designed obstacles such as "I don't have the talent" and "Opponents are talented and work hard" for the failure result of "the next test score is not ideal".
From a psychological point of view, self-limitation can be divided into three different performance types: behavioral self-limitation, assertive self-limitation, and exaltation of others.
Behavioral self-limiting refers to the use of practical actions to hinder the progress of the goal, such as deliberately delaying, voluntarily giving up the opportunity to try, etc.
Declarative self-limitation refers to not reducing effort, but publicly expressing that he is at a disadvantage. For example, a student participating in a competition often asks someone to complain, saying that he is inadequate, has poor performance, and the result of the game is worrying, but he He didn't shorten the duration of practice, and he was still preparing for the game seriously.
Lifting others up refers to giving a competitor an additional advantage through help or imagination, such as providing information to the opponent, or, like Xiaoen, believing that the opponent is more talented and harder.
So why do we set limits on ourselves?
It sounds like self-limiting is a very "stupid" behavior. It seems that the competition has not started yet and it has frightened oneself. In fact, self-limiting is a self-protection strategy.
We are easy to worry about destroying our own image due to poor performance, so we set up and imagine obstacles on the road to success, so that we can deal with the results of failure more rationally: I failed because of others and because of the force majeure of the environment.
Self-limitation can avoid damage to self-worth due to failure, thereby protecting our sense of worth.
We can see the meaning of self-limitation from the flea experiments of scientists.
Fleas are the jumping champions in the insect world and can jump to a height a hundred times their length.
Scientists put the fleas in a glass bottle-the height of the glass bottle is the height that the fleas can easily jump out.
Then the scientist put a glass plate on the mouth of the glass bottle. The fleas found no obstacles, but they would hit the glass plate when they jumped. This is true after repeated attempts.
So the fleas can only jump at a relatively low height to prevent themselves from being hit.
Then, the scientist kept lowering the height of the glass bottle, and in the end the fleas didn't jump at all, because it wouldn't hurt if they didn't jump. At this time, even if the scientist removes the glass plate, the jumping champion won't jump again.
The same is true for human beings, because they are afraid of encountering bad results, they simply "lie flat".
In order to maintain the image of high intelligence and high ability and protect the sense of self-worth, I added an invisible "glass plate" to myself. In the fear of failure, I stopped tapping my potential and illuminating my skills.
Of course, self-limitation does not necessarily lead to absolute failure, or even short-term benefits to alleviate anxiety, but in the long-term development, this way of thinking is a strategy of self-deception, and it will also bring many disadvantages: Such as procrastination, lack of control, and affect the improvement of their own skills.
What should we do when we realize that we are setting limits, or someone around us is setting limits?
First, we must awaken the consciousness of self-awareness and discover the strategies and specific manifestations of self-limiting.
Recognize the benefits of self-limitation and the disadvantages of self-limitation.
Some people, especially those who adopt declarative self-limiting strategies, have not really given up on themselves. For example, a graduate student who has received three rejection letters a day has never stopped the process of literature reading and paper revision; The graduates who complained about encountering the students from the prestigious schools in North Qing Dynasty have actually already held multiple offers... They actually enjoy the surprise results of self-limitation and the sense of accomplishment and the envy and praise of the people around them. Strong willingness to change.
But if you are a behavioral self-limiting person, for example, if you feel too much homework, you just don’t do it; if you feel too much work, you are addicted to swiping your phone, drag it to the last moment and then rush it; feel that your opponent is strong and simply don’t do it. Do not sign up for the competition... This shows that self-limitation has seriously affected your life and emotions. If you really want to change this situation, you can try the following suggestions:
Try to look at yourself from a positive perspective, believe that people have the potential to develop, explore and use your own resources-remember this is the most important point.
Doctor of mathematics and Olympic champion, how many people think that these two identities can be combined in one?
In the women's road cycling race at the Tokyo Olympics, Austria won the first cycling Olympic gold medal in 125 years. It was Anna, a doctor of mathematics without a coach and professional team.
On this 137-kilometer track, 1/3 of the runners failed to complete the race, and Anna used mathematical expertise to calculate and plan ahead of time when to complete how many kilometers, how much food needs to be added, and even studied the weather in Tokyo and made heat. Adapting to the process diagram and analyzing the body's functional response... As long as we aim at the direction we want to go, and have a confident and optimistic attitude, we can give full play to our strengths and achieve seemingly impossible goals.
Here is also a highly operational method, called "I am responsible".
In the process of completing goals and tasks, those who set obstacles for themselves will actually feel uncomfortable in their hearts. They are often unwilling to take responsibility for their own choices. This is a manifestation of weak self-power.
Pierce, the founder of the Gestalt therapy school, once put forward a point of view: "As long as a person is willing to make choices and is willing to be responsible for the choices, the person's mental health will be healthy."
He designed the "I am responsible" psychotherapy method, so that when the visitor talks about his actions and feelings, he adds "I am responsible for my...", such as "I am responsible for my plan" and "I am responsible for me." "I’m responsible for my time-wasting behavior"... This seemingly mechanical method is very useful. It encourages people to continue to reflect and gradually take responsibility for their thoughts, emotions, and behaviors, and start designing methods for Implement actions of your own choice.
Then, college entrance examination candidates can say to themselves "I am responsible for my homework", graduate students can say to themselves "I am responsible for my thesis", and professionals can say to themselves "I am responsible for my OKRs (objectives and key results) ".
In the last month of 2021, looking at the plan you made at the beginning of the year, have you figured out what actions you will be responsible for?
Is it to procrastinate, give up, or break through self-restrictions, and get up to speed to catch up with the goal?
Huang Binbin Source: China Youth Daily