"The physical, muscular and affective armor is built through a retention of the spontaneity of movement and hides the history of our tensions, our compensations, our positions adopted to defend ourselves and those taken to hide ourselves", explains Marie-Lise Labonté , creator of the Method of Liberation of the Shells (MLC ©). Getting rid of that corset that prevents us from showing ourselves how we really are for fear of suffering is not an easy task and, to achieve it, we usually have to go back in time to our childhood to locate the origin of our 'wounds'. Judit Mateu, member of the Association of the Method of Liberation of the Hearts, explains why and how to reach that moment of catharsis.

Why does a period of life as short as childhood leave so much mark on us? Everything we have experienced remains stored in our body; our body is like a black box, seat of our unconscious. When we are children, during the first years of life, all the experiences we live -good, neutral and painful-, we process from our

reptilian

(instinctive) and

limbic

(emotional)

brain

. We do not process from the neocortex (rational). Our subcortical brain (the reptilian and limbic brain) is

designed to survive

and find coping mechanisms for any painful situation. These defense mechanisms that we build during our childhood help us and are very useful to survive this stage, but they prevent us from living healthy relationships as adults. The Method of Liberation of the Shells (MLC ©), by working through simple and deep movements of body awakening, allows us to go to the encounter of these protection mechanisms, of these shells that we build during childhood, to find ways of liberation of these

painful memories

stored in our body. How does a child's brain perceive pain? Apparently, they adapt very well (we have the proof with the covid) but, does everything leave them more sediment than it seems? When we are little we live

painful situations and experiences that hurt us

but we don't have enough tools to manage them. Many times there is not an adult by our side to listen to us, to whom we can entrust this pain, someone who is present and really available to empathize with our pain. So we learn to experience

pain alone

and come to the conclusion that we cannot trust anyone. Each one lives only his wound, abandonment, rejection, betrayal, humiliation, non-recognition, etc ... Normally the pain is felt in the body, so we learn to dissociate ourselves from it so as not to feel it. However,

what was very useful to us as children, when we grow up disconnects us from ourselves when we become adults

. According to Marie-Lise Labonté, "the breastplate is installed as an imprint of the painful experience in the psyche, as the emotional expression of this imprint and as a physiological reaction that is inscribed in the body". The practice of the body awakening movements of the

Heart

Release Method allows us to

connect with our breath

and, thus, be better able to reconnect with our body, our emotions and our psyche in a more conscious way. What affects them more: what they live at home or outside of it? Each one will have different painful experiences. However, when we are little we spend a lot of time at home and, therefore, we will most likely have many life experiences there and, of these, some or many will be painful. What affects the child is not really what he has experienced at home, but

how he perceives what he has experienced at home

. What traumatizes us is not the experience itself, but the way we perceive it; above all, if we live it alone and without a secure attachment. the

attachment

It is an affective bond that is established from the first moments of life between the mother and the newborn or the person in charge of their care. Its function is to ensure the care, psychological development and formation of the child's personality. This creates self-confidence and security. Are the psychological wounds that parents produce (with or without intention) the ones that take the longest to heal? I would not dare to say this: I repeat, everyone can have their painful experiences in different environments, family, school, friends, etc ... Parents or parental substitutes are the closest people we have, with whom we spend the most time (this is why painful experiences are more likely to be lived with them). Also

the ones we love the most

and supposedly

those who love us the most

. The intensity of the injury is a function of the age at which it occurs and the way the child perceives and experiences it.

The smaller we are, the more the subcortical brain structure is damaged

, the deeper it is, so it takes more time to heal.What hurts a child the most? It hurts a child basically

not to feel loved unconditionally,

not feeling heard, not feeling welcomed, not feeling seen, not having an adult with whom to maintain a secure attachment. The child may not feel loved because he feels abandoned, rejected, humiliated, unrecognized, etc. It may be a real abandonment (because it is an adopted child, why it is a child who has lost a parent, etc ...) or it may be that they have the

perception of feeling abandoned

due to

a parent or an mother may be absent emotionally, physically or mentally.

The parent lives in the family home but is not "present" or "available." We are not even aware that we are hurting them. How can we detect it? We have all been children at some point in our lives. However, if we have been injured children - which most of us have been - we will also have developed our

protection mechanisms against pain and disconnection from our body

, the seat of our pain. These protection mechanisms that helped us as children, now as adults, also distance us from our body and from ourselves. We cannot contact with our pain or our heart, and therefore, as parents, it also prevents us from contacting the pain and the heart of our children. All of this happens

unconsciously.

Many times, we do not detect this way of acting,

perpetuating this way of relating for generations

. We can detect that we are hurting our children if we first realize as parents that a wound has opened up and that

we unconsciously project our suffering onto our children

. We will realize that we are hurt if we dare to listen and be in contact with our discomfort, our body, to accept it without judgment, to validate it without denying it or taking it down. What should we never say to our children? It is not only what we say or do to our children that we have to take into account, but

what we do not say or do not say to better manage their discomfort

in a situation that for them is emotionally overwhelming. Our children need

parents who are present, loving and available,

to support and help them in their difficulties. Parents sometimes do not spend the necessary hours with their children and the hours they do spend are of poor quality. If we are not present or available to ourselves realizing what we feel, we are hardly going to be available or present for our children. According to Marie-Lise Labonté, "we can transmit what we have received, what we have not received we must extract from what is beautiful, great, in the deepest part of ourselves, so that later we can transmit it." An injured adult? As adults we carry our child within us. If our inner child is hurt

We will act as adults from our wound

and, therefore, we will relate to ourselves and to others (including our children), from the protection of the wound. An injured child will be an injured adult

if as an adult he remains disconnected from his body and from himself

due to the armor and protection mechanisms that he created as a child and has perpetuated as an adult so as not to feel the pain of the injury. According to Marie-Lise Labonté, "the child grows towards adulthood, but that child who is always in us, that inner child, has remained in a

phase of painful and traumatic perception in the face of certain events

that have cut the emotional bond and the impulse. "Can all wounds be healed? Life puts us in situations that give us the opportunity to

feel the pain and listen to the wounds

. For example: the loss of a loved one (the wound of abandonment can awaken us); a fight with a loved one (the wound of rejection or non-recognition can awaken us); receive a fight in public (it can awaken the wound of humiliation); the loss of a work (the wound of non-recognition can awaken us.) Many times, we do not take advantage of these situations that life gives us in the present but that awaken

painful memories of the past.

, as an opportunity to look inside, see what happens in us, in our body, what emotions emerge and look for tools that can help us heal our wound (s). The Shell Release Method (MLC ©) gives us the opportunity to look inside in a very ecological way. Through our body and in permanent contact with our breath, we allow our body (which we have forgotten) to tell us what needs to be told.

Knowing our own wounds helps us better manage our emotions

in the face of any external event that creates discomfort to us by being more capable of satisfying our own emotional deficiencies. Healing wounds helps us, not only to be better with ourselves and with others, but it helps us to empathize more with the pain of the other and therefore to relate more from love and heart. the Luis Miguel series or read the book by Miguel Bosé but, in both cases, they describe two adults marked by a childhood in which the father figure exerts a negative influence. Is that never exceeded? To what extent is it incapable of loving or letting yourself be loved? Parents do everything they know and can in their relationship with their children.

If they have not done it better, it is because they did not know how to do it

and / or they couldn't.

Parents also have a wounded, unhealed "inner child" and relate from the wound to their children.

I do not know what happened, I have not read the book, the aftermath of what happened will be based on the age at which it happened, the periodicity and intensity in which it happened and the possibilities that they had as children of supporting themselves with a close and available adult .

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