Ms. Gräf, more than 100,000 people have now died as a result of Corona in Germany.

What are you currently experiencing as a grief counselor?

Julia Anton

Editor in the Society department at FAZ.NET

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People are very scared and insecure again.

Especially those who I have been accompanying for a long time, who lost their loved ones in the first, second, and third wave due to Corona.

On the one hand, they are unsure which offers they can still use now.

On the other hand, with some of the current events, what they have experienced comes back to life.

Many of these people did not have the opportunity to say goodbye to dying loved ones.

What role does that play?

That is often the decisive difference to the other deaths: that relatives cannot accompany the dying process. This makes it difficult for them to understand what happened. If the person has actually died of Corona and is highly infectious, they often have no way of saying goodbye even after death. For many, that makes it even more unreal than when you could sit by the bed. I have looked after a few cases in which the relatives had no idea that someone was going to die. It has always been said that palliative care patients and the dying are allowed to have visitors. But often dying happened so quickly that there was no longer any possibility of bringing the relatives to the clinic or the care facility at all. But there are also those affected in the other direction: a womanwho I look after wanted to go to the clinic with her dying husband. Your quick test then turned out positive - a false alarm, as it later turned out. However, by the time the result of her PCR test was there, the man had died. In addition: some had previously reduced their contact a lot. In the first year in particular, when there was still no vaccination, many visits and meetings with grandparents, for example, were canceled. That is common lifetime that is missing. I hear that again and again from people who come to me: that they couldn't celebrate a birthday or other occasion and can no longer make it up.Some had previously reduced their contact a lot. In the first year in particular, when there was still no vaccination, many visits and meetings with grandparents, for example, were canceled. That is common lifetime that is missing. I hear that again and again from people who come to me: that they couldn't celebrate a birthday or other occasion and can no longer make it up.Some had previously reduced their contact a lot. In the first year in particular, when there was still no vaccination, many visits and meetings with grandparents, for example, were canceled. That is common lifetime that is missing. I hear that again and again from people who come to me: that they couldn't celebrate a birthday or other occasion and can no longer make it up.

What do you advise these relatives to do?

Advice is of course difficult, grief is very individual.

In my work I encourage people to find their way and give them space to talk about what they have experienced and what they have not.

For some it helps to write a letter to the deceased afterwards or to do something for the deceased.

For example, you have taken on more of the organization at the funeral service than is often the case.

For many, however, the Corona issue is also fraught with guilt and shame.

What do you mean?

The relatives ask themselves: should we have been more careful?

Should I have struggled more to get to the clinic?

Such things make the grieving process difficult.

But there are also questions from the environment: Was Covid really the cause of death?

Corona polarizes, the topic sometimes divides entire families.

How useful or useless are measures?

When someone dies of cancer, the question is rarely asked: Where did he get it?

With Corona it suddenly means: What went wrong with you, that someone got infected?

Many therefore keep the cause of death to themselves.

You have no strength to hold discussions.

In addition to guilt and shame, is there also anger about the corona policy?

Yes, that was already the case in the first waves.

Despite all the understanding that caregivers have to be protected, there was often anger that one could not go to the dying relatives.

In the fourth wave, again, many are asking: Why do you let things run for so long?

People have died who might not have had to die.

At the same time, mourning groups cannot take place or only to a limited extent.

Much that would have given relatives strength in this life crisis is not possible.

Often there is already uncertainty about whether you can hug each other at a funeral.

Add to this the fear of infecting yourself or worrying about other relatives.