Don’t be overly envious, some “social cows” may have low self-esteem
Recently, "social cow syndrome" has become a hot word on the Internet.
Contrary to "social phobia" (short for "social phobia"), people with "social phobia" can completely relieve the psychological pressure when interacting with strangers, are not afraid of new life, become familiar with themselves, and can quickly mix with strangers .
So, from a psychological point of view, what is "social cow syndrome"?
Why would someone show the characteristics of "social cow syndrome"?
What is the reason for the "social cow syndrome"?
"Social cattle disease" is not a mental illness
People often say "social phobia", the scientific name is "social anxiety disorder", which refers to an individual's excessive fear of one or more social occasions.
People with social anxiety disorder are afraid of others making negative comments about themselves, which makes it difficult for them to participate in various social interactions such as speeches and parties, and even the eyes of strangers on the road may cause them to feel intense anxiety.
Although the word "symptom" is also used in "social cow syndrome", these people do not suffer from mental illness.
They are the celebrities in the social circle, and "social cow syndrome" has even become synonymous with high emotional intelligence.
However, it seems that there are some alternative "social cow syndrome" people who don't care about the eyes of others and "free themselves" regardless of occasion.
For example, intentionally or unintentionally, using exaggerated behavior to attract the attention of others, or making loud noises in a quiet subway car.
The author believes that the so-called "social cow syndrome" may include the above two types of people. One is those who have solid self-confidence, who dare to devote themselves and enjoy social interaction; while the other is people whose self-confidence is more like paper. Tigers hide a deep inferiority complex behind their exaggerated speech and behavior.
The critical period for the development of "She Niu" is in childhood
To understand why some people with "social cow disease" are so confident, we must first talk about where healthy self-esteem and self-confidence come from.
The full satisfaction of the "requirements for mirroring" may be the initial source of self-confidence for the "social cow syndrome" crowd.
Cohut, the founder of autopsychology, put forward the concept of "reflection needs", which is used to refer to babies who need to feel that they are sufficiently affirmed and accepted as they grow up, especially to be understood and appreciated by the dependents.
As children grow up, from time to time there will be moments when they clearly hope to be affirmed, such as taking the initiative to show their own paintings to their parents.
Kohut believes that when these important moments come, if the child can see the approving gaze in the eyes of the caregiver and get a sympathetic and timely response, the child will feel heartfelt joy and produce a kind of "I am very "Important" feeling.
In the long run, the parent can help the child develop a solid and stable sense of self-esteem, which will become a solid backing for the child's future development.
Because the experience that has been fully recognized will make children willing to believe in "I can do it" when they grow up, and then dare to face this world full of unknowns and challenges.
Many of these children may become "social cows", but a small number of "social cows" are not so lucky.
Parents always take a cold, hostile and critical attitude towards these children. If they fail to satisfy their "needs for mirroring", the children's sense of self-worth may be suppressed.
After these children reach adulthood, their early neglected needs may still need to be met, or even doubled.
This may be the reason why some people with "social cow disease" do not hesitate to sensationalize, but also get the attention of others.
In this way, they hope to make up for the lack of full understanding and affirmation by the unsupported.
The "social cow" that is beneficial to the society is the real cow
According to Adler, an individual psychologist, life cannot be uneventful, so everyone will experience some setbacks on the path of growth, and feel the huge gap between ideals and reality, which makes us more or less have some in our hearts. Inferiority complex.
But if a person can contribute to the community in which he lives in a way that is beneficial to society and others.
In the process of continuous contribution, individuals will gain the recognition of the community, feel a sense of belonging, and then develop self-confidence, so that the sense of inferiority will be dispelled.
However, some people use exaggerated behavior, arrogant words and deeds, demeaning others, over enthusiasm, self-boasting, or bullying the weak to reduce their sense of inferiority.
Adler believes that these people have a "superiority complex", which is a manifestation of an excessively inflated sense of inferiority. These people seem to have made many "superior behaviors", but they are actually trying to cover up their inner fragility.
Adler described such people as "because they are afraid of being too short, they stand on tiptoes and try to make themselves look taller."
Those people with "social cow syndrome" who are overly arrogant and exaggerated are likely to have this kind of "superiority complex."
Therefore, we should treat them differently for the "social cow syndrome" group.
The high EQ, bravery and fearlessness of some "social cows" are indeed worthy of our study, but behind some "social cows" is nothingness and low self-esteem.
What we want to learn from the "social cow" is not simply to "free ourselves", but to show ourselves in an altruistic way.
(The author is a national third-level psychological counselor)