There are efforts, attempts, and changes behind the "social terror" diary-
over 80% of the college students interviewed think they are mildly "social terror"
Wear a mask, take off your glasses, and put on sunglasses. The earphones are adjusted to the maximum volume that your ears can accept. This is Xiangbei's favorite equipment for going out.
When a classmate greeted Xiang Bei, she felt that she was "deaf and blind."
Xiang Bei didn't care about the comments made by people around her, because it was not a bad thing for her "social fear".
In the face of social interaction, her "directive theory" has become a school of its own. "If you don't wear glasses, you can't see clearly. If you can't see clearly, you don't have to say hello."
Like Xiangbei, Chen Yiqi, a senior at a university in Wuhan, doesn't like to greet people.
"If I see someone who is not familiar with me coming over, I will take a detour." He walked straight to the destination, and he always chose to detour because he didn't know how to say hello, "Pretend he didn't see it."
I dare not tell my aunt that I want to ask for more chili in the cafeteria, because I am afraid that my aunt will feel too troublesome; the classmates choose to sit in the most inconspicuous place, if someone cue, they will buckle their toes in embarrassment; they need to do psychological construction before speaking. , If you predict that it will be cold, you will not say a word; when you meet people you know on the road, you always try to avoid them or even take a detour... Have you ever experienced such "social terror" in daily life?
Searching on Weibo with the keyword "social fear", there are hundreds of related topics, the total reading volume of the topic has exceeded 100 million times, and the number of people participating in the topic discussion is estimated to be hundreds of thousands.
So how many college students think they are "social fear"?
What are the reasons for their "social terrorism" phenomenon?
How should they face "social terror" without affecting their lives?
In order to better understand the ideas of college students, the China Youth Daily·China Youth School Media recently launched a questionnaire survey for college students across the country, and collected 4854 valid questionnaires from 255 colleges and universities.
The results of the survey showed that 80.22% of the college students surveyed said they had a slight “social terror”; 6.90% of the college students surveyed said they had a relatively serious “social terror”; 0.64% of the college students surveyed said they had a serious “social terror” and were Medically diagnosed as social phobia.
In addition, 12.24% of college students surveyed said that they are not "social fear" at all, saying that they are "social cows themselves."
College Students’ "Social Fear" Diary
Four years in college, Chen Yiqi felt "social terror" in many scenes.
He can't forget the scene when he was interviewing for the student council in his freshman year. He used "about to pee on his pants" to describe his nervousness.
After officially joining the student union, he was more handy than writing manuscripts and planning, and communicating with a teacher or classmate he had just met made him frustrated and unable to start.
The most uncomfortable occasion for him was a classmate dinner. "I was fidgeting, like sitting on pins and needles. When I was called, I wanted to get into the cracks in the ground..."
On occasions where there are many strangers, Li Ziyuan, a junior this year, often chooses to be silent.
Compared to large-scale school-level activities with a large number of people, he is more willing to participate in activities within the class.
Not long ago, his friend organized a garden tour at the school and invited him to join in.
Originally thought he was going to "hold a scene", but when he had dinner and was about to go to the appointment on time, he saw the crowds on the scene from a distance, which was very lively.
"Social fear", he sneaked back and found an excuse to temporarily refuse the invitation of his friend.
Under what circumstances are college students more likely to "communicate fear"?
The China Youth School Media Survey found that 53.66% of the interviewed college students said they were speaking in crowded occasions; 52.11% said they were speaking in social situations; 45.94% said they were communicating with strangers; 43.17% said they were asking for help; 41.15 % Said that when they first arrived in a new environment; another 33.29% of college students surveyed said that when they met someone they knew on the road, they would want to pretend not to see it.
These everyday scenes often trouble the "social fears".
Photographer Liu Yangyang, a graduate student in a university in Fujian, said that “social fear” is one of the reasons for learning photography. When doing interviews and research with teachers and classmates, he always plays the role of camera. The latter photographer who doesn’t need to speak.
One time when he was out for research, he and his classmates were looking for passers-by in the park. When he saw a man playing with a mobile phone sitting on a bench, his inner drama started: "People are concentrating on looking at the mobile phone, I will go Is asking questions too bothersome? What if he refuses me? Will he just turn around and leave?"
Don’t dare to urge orders with shop staff during meals, don’t dare to interact with teachers during class, get along with new roommates tremblingly, and don’t know how to talk to new friends... Situations like this often appear in Zhou Yu’s life, and every time we break social fears In the embarrassing scenes, she has to do a long time of psychological construction. Sometimes when the psychological construction is completed, the next "social fear moment" will follow one after another.
In the first year of the study, she believes that her "social terror" is likely to be affected by the family. "In family gatherings, my parents and I are relatively restrained, not very talkative, and seldom express each other's emotions at home and parents. Therefore. I also don’t know how to speak in public."
What is "social fear"? Why do you feel "social fear"?
According to Chi Yukai, associate professor of the School of Psychology, South China Normal University, social phobia is a kind of psychological disorder, which belongs to a sub-category of anxiety.
There is a difference between the "social fear" that some young people often talk about today and the true social phobia.
"Some young people say that they are'social fear', which is actually a psychological effect of checking in. They feel that this concept is similar to them, just like the popular sentence on the Internet, "Did you look at my ID card?"
For Liu Yangyang, there is no barrier to communicating with acquaintances, but before speaking to strangers, Liu Yangyang always thinks about, "If I look more handsome, will others accept me more easily" "I feel a little fatter," Speaking to others, will others feel uncomfortable".
Worries about whether you can integrate into everyone, whether you will be squeezed out, and your lack of confidence in your personal abilities and image always come up when you want to communicate with others.
It's somewhat similar to Liu Yangyang's feelings.
Looking back on his own growth experience, Xiang Bei, a senior this year, believes that the reason why he has such emotions has a lot to do with his childhood experience.
Xiang Bei was ridiculed by his classmates because he was fat when he was a child.
Whenever there is a cold spot in the social process, the way she used to be ridiculed when speaking on stage, and the way when she was criticized by the teacher, she would remember it again in her mind.
"Tell me in my head that the other person doesn't have such thoughts, but my heart will still unconsciously substitute it." In addition, being too concerned about other people's evaluations and feeling insecure is also an analysis to the north that may cause his own "social terror". .
Why do college students feel "social terror"?
According to a survey conducted by the China University Media, 69.86% of the college students interviewed were “social fear” because they were afraid that the scene would become embarrassing; 52.65% of the college students surveyed said they were afraid of saying something wrong; 51.48% of the college students surveyed said they were afraid of others feeling that they were not good enough. ; 47.84% of the interviewed college students said they were afraid of being out of group or unable to integrate into the group; 43.00% of the interviewed college students said that they were afraid of being criticized or rejected by others; 35.85% of the interviewed college students said that they would feel uncomfortable when they were concerned about others; 16.10% of the interviewed College students expressed concern that others would feel uncomfortable when they praise themselves.
Chi Yukai analyzed that many young people who think that they are "social fear" do not really have serious psychological disorders. There are several reasons for this type of "social fear" that people often call.
One possibility is that some people tend to avoid the social rules required by social roles because of the cumbersome social etiquette in reality.
Secondly, the unclear sense of margin in interpersonal communication is also the reason why some young people are unwilling to socialize.
Again, some people will take "social phobia" as a relief to avoid social interaction.
"People who are afraid of socializing have found a reason for their mentality, and they have also found a sense of belonging among the'social fear' group, giving themselves an excuse not to go out to socialize."
In addition, Chi Yukai believes that another reason for young people's "social terror" is the fear of real social failure.
"Real social interaction is easy to fail. Speaking inappropriately in the workplace and in interpersonal situations can be very annoying. People who avoid social interaction will feel that as long as they socialize, there is a possibility of mistakes, but if they do not interact with people, they will They will not fail. These people often do not want to socialize. As social animals, people generally want to be recognized and liked by others, eager to pursue success in interpersonal communication, and are afraid of being looked down upon after failure in interpersonal communication."
For Xiang Bei, there have been cases of “social terror” caused by fear of social failure and fear that others do not like him.
"A former classmate, we two have been working together in the student organization for a year. It is not that we are very unfamiliar. One time we met in the study room. She greeted me very enthusiastically. My first reaction was that she was speechless. Even sitting next to me for self-study, I was even more speechless." Heading north, unable to accept this scene, found an excuse and ran away a few minutes after the classmates took their seats.
"She sits next to me and I can't study at ease. I wonder if she will observe my state of study, will she have a bad impression on me after observation..." Actually Xiang Bei knew that the classmates were paying attention. Studying does not pay attention to her state, but she still can't stand this kind of getting along. Finding excuses to leave is the only way she can carefully protect this relationship.
In the process of chatting, if the topic you throw up does not get a response from the other party, "Is what I said is boring?" "Which sentence is wrong?"
…A variety of complex emotions will come to mind in an instant.
This sentiment also makes Xiang Bei afraid of interacting with people, especially offline.
For this kind of emotion, Xiang Bei has his own method of interpretation, "I will observe others very carefully, even for a small movement, and then make a very negative interpretation of the ambiguous situation."
"In fact, the'social fear' of some young people is a kind of self-limitation. They feel that they have worked hard but failed to succeed, so they would rather not try." Chi Yukai said, "From another perspective, People sometimes pay too much attention to themselves and what others think of themselves, so they feel ashamed of saying something wrong or doing something wrong, and they even regard embarrassing scenes in social situations as "social death." In fact, the attention from others is not what we imagined Focusing like that, the feeling of being ridiculed and paid attention to is often magnified by oneself."
Adjust your mentality, trial and error is the only way to growth
"When I don't know what to do, I will imitate the people around me." In order to change the status quo of "social terror", Chen Yiqi has made great efforts.
He often imitates other people's speeches on similar occasions.
The department summary meeting of the student organization, how to encourage the younger students, and how to better point out the problems... Chen Yiqi’s memo recorded in detail the tone and content of the speakers on different occasions. When nothing happened, he would ponder over and over again. , Thinking about using it like this when I encounter the same occasion in the future.
For Chen Yiqi, all the methods that can alleviate his social fears are worth trying.
The China Youth College media survey found that 77.56% of the college students interviewed, like Chen Yiqi, tried to solve their "social fear".
Facing how to solve their own “social terror”, the results of the China Youth School Media Survey showed that 71.85% of the college students interviewed said they would try more and practice integrating into social situations.
Xiang Bei is like this. In her opinion, familiarity and preparation in advance can help her better adapt to the social environment.
So she forced herself to participate in various social activities and try to make new friends.
Nowadays, the popular script killing has become a training base for her to get rid of "social terror".
In addition to contacting more and trying more, the China Youth School Media Survey found that 60.80% of the interviewed college students tried to convince themselves to overcome their fear; 18.85% of the interviewed college students believed that although they were a little bit "social fear", they did not need to solve it; 10.63% of the interviewed students Interview college students for help with psychology knowledge popularization or for help from a psychologist.
Another 16.76% of the interviewed college students said that their own way of solving "social terrorism" is to be more alone and reduce contact with others.
In Chi Yukai's view, if "social terror" does not affect their lives, young people can ignore it.
But if you find yourself "social phobia" and want to get rid of it, you can try real social phobia therapy.
"Generally, two methods, systemic desensitization and full irrigation therapy can be used. Systemic allergy is to adjust cognition, step by step, gradually put yourself in a social environment that scares you, and gradually improve your adaptability. Full irrigation therapy is also called shock. Therapy is to put yourself in the most feared social environment at once, and you will adapt to all environments in the future."
The China Youth College Media survey found that 71.24% of college students surveyed believed that “social terrorism” had caused minor troubles, 7.54% of college students surveyed thought they had major troubles, and the remaining 21.22% said they had no troubles.
In Liu Yangyang's view, "social fear" is not all bad.
One of his brothers is a typical "social terrorism." He doesn't interact with classmates and friends very much, and he even hasn't even added WeChat to many classmates.
He is more willing to spend time in the library than going out to socialize.
"Senior brother graduated with a doctorate last year and has published 10 core journal papers. He stayed in school last year as an assistant professor." In Liu Yangyang's view, if it is not a job that requires social skills, he can sink his heart because of "social fear". Not necessarily a bad thing.
Different from Liu Yangyang's idea, Zhou Yu was determined to challenge herself when choosing a tutor for postgraduate admission.
"Choosing a tutor is very important to my graduate life and even my future development. I must be brave and take the initiative." She hinted at herself over and over again in her heart.
She took the initiative to contact the elder sister, took the initiative to send an email to the tutor to introduce her situation and wishes, and took the companion to ask the teacher to ask questions after the school started.
At the mentor double selection meeting after the semester, Zhou Yu successfully selected his favorite mentor.
Chi Yukai advises young people to adjust their mentality, don't be afraid of making mistakes, losing face, and don't worry about their behaviors and imperfections.
"Psychological research has found that between the ages of 18 and 30 is a good time for trial and error. At this age, people are already aware of the meaning of failure in life, and they have the energy to correct their own problems and summarize the experience after overcoming them. , It is very helpful to the growth and development of a person's life. As the philosopher Nietzsche said, "If you can't kill me, it will make me strong."
(At the request of the interviewee, the students interviewed in the text are all pseudonyms)
China Youth Daily, China Youth Daily, trainee reporter Cheng Si, Bi Ruoxu, and intern Wang Junli Source: China Youth Daily