Two-child families should pay special attention to the mental health of the boss
With the full liberalization of my country's two-child and three-child policy, many parents are considering whether to add another brother or sister to the only child in the family.
However, one more child does not only mean one more childbirth. The parenting method and the balance of love will affect the child's mental health.
Two-child families tend to ignore the needs of the boss
Studies have found that family environmental factors play an important role in children's mental health. After the arrival of the second child, many families have psychological problems because of the feeling of neglect, and even extreme behaviors, leading to tragedies.
In an interview with a reporter from China Youth Daily and China Youth Daily, Dr. Liu Yuxin, deputy director of the Peking University Sixth Hospital, pointed out that parents who decide to raise their second child should pay special attention to the mental health of the boss.
Although every parent wants their children to grow up healthily and happily, and believes that they give every child the same amount of love, but in reality, parents often do things that hurt their children inadvertently. I didn't realize it myself.
Liu Yuxin sees that in a two-child family, the most likely problem is that parents ignore the needs of the eldest.
Before the arrival of the new baby, many parents did not fully communicate with the eldest son. After the arrival of the new baby, the eldest usually feels a sense of loss. The love of mom and dad is gone, and the attention of the whole family is gone.
In this case, some children will show degenerative behavior.
For example, a child can urinate and urinate independently, eat independently, and wear clothes independently. After the birth of a new baby, he suddenly loses the life skills he originally learned, and becomes capable of nothing. He starts to wet the bed and pants like a baby. I will eat and dress myself.
Liu Yuxin explained that the child’s regressive behavior is actually because he feels ignored and ignored by his family in his heart. In order to attract the attention of parents, he also becomes like a baby, knowing nothing, hoping to regain the attention of the whole family. .
Some children will become tantrums, and even secretly bully the little ones while the adults are away.
These children lose their temper and bully their little babies because they feel wronged and don't know how to express and vent.
Liu Yuxin told reporters that children in only-child families originally enjoyed the love from all the adults in the family alone. When a second child appears in the family, they often feel uncomfortable and need a process of psychological transformation.
When preparing for the second child, you must communicate fully with your child in advance
“When a family is preparing to have a second child, it must communicate fully with the child in advance.” Liu Yuxin said, “Communication needs to be done slowly and little by little, not just talk once. This is a continuum. The long process before and after the birth of a new baby."
She suggested that from the time when the mother is pregnant with the new baby, she should start to educate and penetrate the children in the family slowly, let him know that there will be a younger brother or sister in the family, and will play with him. This is a joyful thing. .
And try to get the boss involved in the birth of a younger brother or sister.
If conditions permit, the mother can take the child with him during the check-up, and let him see the beating of the baby's heart through B-ultrasound, so that he can feel that a small life is slowly growing, thereby increasing the feelings of this new life.
In addition, before the birth of a newborn, parents can instill in their children the idea of being a good brother or sister, and teach them how to do it.
After the new baby is born, parents should give the eldest attention as much as possible.
Liu Yuxin specifically pointed out that after the second child is born, parents and family adults can easily neglect the eldest. In fact, at this period, older children need to feel more attention and love so as not to lose their sense of security and to be able to. Fall in love with your new baby.
Parents should always give the older child a hug after the birth of the new baby, give timely feedback on his needs, and let the older child fully participate in the process of taking care of the baby, so that he can gain a sense of accomplishment and make him feel " When I grow up, I can not only take care of myself, but also take care of my younger siblings.” This can cultivate a strong and independent personality for older children and make them more responsible.
When your relatives and friends visit your new baby, don’t forget to prepare a gift for the older child. Don’t let the older child feel neglected.
Parents of multi-child families must "a bowl of water and water"
Liu Yuxin believes that competition between children will inevitably occur in families with many children.
Children compete for the attention of their parents as well as family resources. How to make children "love each other" instead of "kill each other" is a test of the parenting style.
Parents of multi-child families must have a fair attitude, "a bowl of water is equal," and they must not have a preference for a certain child.
In reality, parents often hear things like "You are a elder brother, you should set an example", "You are a elder sister, you should let younger siblings" and similar words, which are actually very unfair to the elder children. Older children feel wronged and feel deprived of their love and rights, and they will also make younger children feel that they are being spoiled for granted.
This is not conducive to the friendship between the two children, and it is also not conducive to the growth of the children, especially when the children enter the society, they will feel frustrated because they feel that others do not always follow themselves.
Different ways of attention should be given to children according to their respective characteristics
It should be noted that treating every child fairly does not mean that the same education method should be applied to every child, but that children should be given different ways of attention according to their own characteristics.
Liu Yuxin pointed out that although they were born in the same family, each child has its own characteristics.
Parents need to understand each child’s innate temperament characteristics, and give them attention and education methods that suit their temperament characteristics. They cannot obliterate the child’s nature, require each child to be exactly the same, or blindly ask one child to learn from another. The other child is a role model.
In Liu Yuxin's view, the "order of growth and order" advocated by traditional Chinese culture can be said to be the "magic weapon" for the education of families with many children.
Parents can instill in their children the concept of "growth and order" and establish the authority of older children, which can make older children feel concerned and respected, and make older children more responsible, more willing to take care of younger brothers or younger sisters, and do everything To be an example and to get a sense of value from it, and at the same time to let the children know how to respect the older children, know how to be grateful, and let the two children love each other more.
China Youth Daily·China Youth Daily reporter Xia Jin Source: China Youth Daily