I'm sorry I was a "depressed" mom-SOS I couldn't put out-September 27, 17:06

"I'm sorry for being a" depressed "mama." The mother,

who has five children, said she apologized every day in her heart.

She says she couldn't raise enough children because of her illness.

If I have to ask someone for help, I want to.

I have thought so many times.

However, every time I thought about it, I was afraid that my back finger would be pointed to as a "bad mother", and I couldn't get SOS out.

(International Department Reporter Taketo Yamamoto)

I'm afraid to be considered a "bad mother"

"The most painful thing was that I couldn't even do the bare minimum as a mother and had to rely on my children."

This is Michelle Monaghan (37).

I live in the UK with five children aged 10 to 19 years.

At one point, I suffered from severe depression and spent most of the day bedridden.

I have relied on my eldest daughter for most of the household chores such as picking up my young siblings from school, cooking, washing, and cleaning, as well as Michelle's personal belongings.

As a result, my eldest daughter was almost unable to attend school.

For Michelle, it was a day of self-loathing.

I knew I had to ask for help for my children.

I have actually tried it several times.

However, every time I felt like I was a "bad mother" or "bad parent" around me, I gradually became unable to issue SOS.

Michelle Monaghan

"A lot of things have come together and I've come to think that I'm a" bad mother "asking someone for help. To be honest, I'm afraid that people around me will think so. increase"

My dream is to live in a large family

Michelle had her first child when she was 17 years old.

When I was holding my little eldest daughter in my chest and staring at her face, I naturally wanted to have a large family full of children's laughter and watch over my growth as a mother.

After that, Michelle had four children with her partner, and realized that she was getting closer to what she had envisioned as a mother.

However, his partner DV, who sometimes quarreled with Michelle, escalated.

Nine years ago, fearing that the children would be harmed, he took his five children and moved to the city where Michelle's mother lives.

Michelle, 28, decided to raise her children as a single mother.

Reliable mother gets cancer

Michelle's mother always kindly accepted me, and she consulted me when I was worried about raising children or living as a single mother.

As she went to her mother's house and watched the children run through the house with a loud laugh, Michelle felt that her choice was correct.

But that time didn't last long.

Five years after Michelle moved to her mother, her mother died of uterine injuries.

I have to rely on my child

Michelle has lost the great support of her mother.

My feelings became depressed, and I couldn't get up from bed all day long.

The doctor's diagnosis was severe depression.

Around the same time, neuralgia in the legs and hernia in the interstitial plate also developed, making it difficult to stand for a long time, and I had to quit my job of cleaning nursing care facilities and hotels.

Since then, it was the eldest daughter, who was 16 years old at the time and attended secondary school, who was in charge of picking up and dropping off at the siblings' school and doing housework.

Michelle's eldest daughter is now in charge of nursing care and care.

Michelle wanted her eldest daughter to be well educated, but she soon tended to miss school.

Prioritizing Michelle, her siblings, and her home, she couldn't afford her own time.

Seeing such an eldest daughter, Michelle apologized in her heart, "I'm sorry for being a" depressed "mama."

And I tried to tell myself many times that this wasn't my true self.

SOS that can not be issued

I want to improve the situation of my eldest daughter.

I want to be able to do something like a mother.

Michelle tried to issue SOS many times for that.

However, Michelle's expectations were betrayed each time.

Michelle was worried because her second son was absent from school.

I wanted to ask the school for help, but the school said, "Mr. Michelle keeps her children from going to school," and she was suspected of being abused.

When I left my ex-partner to respect the children's desire to see my father, I had a quarrel because I didn't let them go home at the promised time.

A social worker who thought he would enter the mediation and defend him believed in the former partner's claim that "Mr. Michelle was neglected," and conversely said that Mr. Michelle was accused.

"I haven't been able to fulfill my role as a mother,"

Michelle thought she knew best.

Even so, when I was accused of asking for help, I felt that people around me were accusing me of being a "bad mother," and I was afraid to ask for help. increase.

I was able to snuggle up for the first time

"It's never embarrassing to ask someone for help. Let's think together from what we can do."

Michelle, who was busy, said to a young carer support group who was contacted by a school that was suspicious of her eldest daughter's low attendance.

Anyway, he doesn't trust me.

At first, Michelle thought so, but the person in charge of the support group never blamed Michelle, listened to Michelle's story, visited many times, and tried to understand the current situation. I did.

Maybe you can snuggle up to me.

Michelle gradually began to think so and was motivated to accept support.

The support group organized what Michelle could and couldn't do, and together she came up with a plan to share the care, care, and housework with the whole family so that she wouldn't concentrate on her eldest daughter.

The eldest daughter was able to graduate safely by sharing the housework with everyone and transferring to a school where she could flexibly choose how to proceed with the lessons with the advice of support groups.

The second son, who was absent from school, found out that it is a kind of autism that he is not good at interpersonal relationships because the support group connected to a medical institution.

Schools suspected of being abused have also been supported by submitting a medical certificate.

By participating in group work where Michelle herself talks with mothers in the same situation, she began to think, "I was not the only one who had the same problems," and gradually became a mother. I am now able to regain my confidence.

You can ask for help

It's been three years since I started receiving support.

Michelle's condition has improved and she is now able to stay stable.

This summer, Michelle and her eldest daughter, with the help of a support group, enrolled together in a vocational school that qualifies as a pet trimmer.

It is said that the current dream is to open a dog salon with two parents.

And what makes Michelle happy is that the interior of the house feels brighter than before.

Michelle's greatest joy is being able to spend time with her casual family, listening to music and watching movies together.

Michelle Monaghan

"I realized that my worries weren't my own worries, and I no longer felt isolated. Asking for help was" I'm a bad parent. " It's not that. It's not embarrassing to ask someone for help. Now I think it's proof that I'm doing my best with my child first. "

Support for parents who cannot issue SOS

Professor Saul Becker of the University of Cambridge said that many parents who have illnesses or disabilities and have to rely on their children for long-term care, care, and household chores, despite the fact that they should be supported, are around. He points out that he tends to hesitate to ask for help because he is afraid of being criticized by him.

As a result, support for young carers who are in charge of long-term care and care may be delayed.

For this reason, in the United Kingdom, where support for young carers has been provided from an early stage, it has been recognized for about 20 years that young carer families should also be included in the support.

In addition, the organization that supported Michelle's parents and children provides similar support to 40 families a year, and the person in charge talks about the importance of supporting young carers' families as follows.

Support Group "

Shefield Young Carers

" Helen Bolt

"Supporting young carer parents is just as important as helping their children. Supporting parents improves the environment in the home and helps. That in turn will reduce the burden on children. "

To create an environment where it is easy to ask for help

When interviewing young carers, we sometimes hear voices pointing out "parental irresponsibility" about children's care, care, and housework.

Indeed, parents have a role to play in supporting their children.

On the other hand, every parent has the potential to be in a situation where it is difficult for them to fully fulfill their role due to various reasons such as illness or disability.

When that happens, how can we create an environment that makes it easy to put out SOS without isolating it?

How do you not overlook that SOS?

Through the interview, I felt the importance of such a viewpoint.

In Japan, many parents have the same problems as Michelle.

With reference to the case of the United Kingdom, I would like to continue to cover the ideal way of family support for young carers in Japan.

International Department Reporter

Kento Yamamoto

Joined in 2015 After working at the Kagoshima Bureau, where he started his career, he is currently affiliated.

As a person in charge of the United States, I interviewed a wide range of people focusing on racial discrimination issues.