I want to close my ears to my child's crying September 15th, 18:51

“My child's crying became louder and louder, and I wanted to close my ears.”

This is the word of a mother who was forced to “raise herself” without any help from her surroundings because of the prolonged corona sickness.

Nowadays, there are a lot of people who hit their beloved child with the emotions that overflowed in loneliness.

(Social Department reporter Atsumi Fujishima)

"How can I quit?"

"I have no work or money in Corona. I couldn't afford to go to school or school because I was absent. I couldn't hear what my child said and threw a box of tissue and a school bag."

"My husband working from home was in the living room. If you look at it all the time, you'll be suffocating. Blood will spill over the top of your head, and for some reason it will only be cut off by your daughter.

This is a corona bruise, a record of a psychological counselor's consultation from her mother.

Mikio Matsubayashi, a psychological counselor in Fujieda City, Shizuoka Prefecture, has been consulting with abuse and domestic violence perpetrators for over 10 years.

Last year, when the infection spread, the number of consultations received from women tripled compared to the previous year.

Most of them are from mothers who suffer from abuse of their children.

Lost whereabouts of parents and children

A woman who has been receiving counseling from Mr. Matsubayashi since April.

I have a 3-year-old boy who has been living apart from his husband and children since last winter.

He told me that it would be an opportunity to get to know the suffering of child-rearing due to the corona disaster.

Before the spread of the infection, women and children used the neighborhood "Child-rearing Support Center" operated by the local government on a daily basis.

It was a relaxing place where children could play with playset and the staff could listen to their concerns about child-rearing.

However, it was closed due to the state of emergency last spring.

Even after it was restarted, I gradually became distant due to the continued restrictions on usage time, and I began to stay at home.

At that time, the boy was just two years old and was in the "unpleasant period".

Women begin to feel that it is “painful” to keep facing their children from morning till night.

Even playing with children, which should be fun, has become difficult.

If things don't go as expected, toys are repeatedly thrown and scattered throughout the room.

It is said that he gradually became unable to control his anger.

Woman

"I've had so many frustrating days and I've always been tired. I couldn't change my mind and hit my child more and more. I used to hit the wall. I took him to the bedroom and threw the child at a duvet or blanket and locked him in the room many times. The crying was getting louder and louder. It felt like it was echoing in my head and I wanted to close my ears. I didn't know what to do anymore. "

I confessed my worries to my husband, an office worker, but he didn't understand the pain of being with my child all the time, and no one else could talk to me.

I made an inquiry, thinking that I should leave it at a nursery school, but I was told that it was difficult to accept because I was a full-time housewife and the recruitment was already closed and the capacity was full.

Even if I wanted to change the situation by myself, I couldn't find a way to change it.

For you who can control your anger by spitting out pain

A woman who arrived at Mr. Matsubayashi with the thought of struggling with straw.

Mr. Matsubayashi's counseling begins with having him spit out all the suffering he has had so far.

After that, you will learn "how to control anger".

On this day, Mr. Matsubayashi introduced the following nine types to women.

You don't have to do everything, it's better to decide in advance which method suits you.

1 When you get angry, shout "Stop!" In your heart

2

Leave the

place, go to the toilet and use it

3 Go to the kitchen and drink water, tea or coffee

4

Go

out Look at the stars (* However, driving a car is NG)

5 Take out the ice from the refrigerator and hold it alternately with both hands

If you can't leave the place

6 If you feel anger, feel your heart Count 10 inside

7 Make a fist behind your back and squeeze your wrist with the other hand

8 When you want to hit the child, turn that hand around the child and hug him and ask "What's wrong?"

9 Angry Communicate the important thoughts inside as gently as possible

The woman smiled a little, saying, "I think I can do this. I wanted to know earlier."

Mr. Matsubayashi gently said, "Let's show your husband and children that you have changed and become a calm person, and become a person who can control your anger so that you can feel secure."

Woman

"I regret that I did something wrong with my child. I'm not confident that I can live with him yet, but I want to say,'I can't be by my side, but I like it.'"

Mr. Matsubayashi

"A person's heart is like a cup, and painful experiences become traumatic. When the obstructive situation caused by corona accumulates, it overflows beyond the critical point. For one thing, I think it comes out in the form of "abuse." The mothers who consult are not "cold and terrible parents," and everyone is doing their best. I feel that I need a place for my mother to spit out and accept it. "

"Home visit" of senior mom

Efforts are being made to prevent the isolation of mothers raising children due to the prolonged corona illness.

Its name is "Home Start".

This is an activity in which senior moms living in the local area volunteer to visit their homes, talk to their mothers, and help with childcare and housework.

More than 100 child-rearing support groups nationwide are working on it, and more than 2,700 senior moms are registered.

Of these, we interviewed an organization that is active in Kawagoe City, Saitama Prefecture.

On this day, my senior mom visited a family with three children, 5, 4, and 1 years old.

After thoroughly washing hands, disinfecting, and ventilating the room, we started the activity.

Actually, this senior mom also has experience raising three children.

While it was difficult to go out to play due to the spread of infection, a mother in her thirties who requested a visit thought, "I want to play with you because I have multiple adult hands," so I used paint to draw. I asked for help.

While the one-year-old child is stuck with her mother and can't move, senior moms quickly wipe the soles of their feet when they step on the paint with other children.

During that time, I played with my three children so that my mother could calm down and cook lunch, and I helped my parents and children have time to "leave" as much as possible.

And when the mother's true intention spills out, catch it and listen to it.

Mother

"When I can't afford it, I get very angry if my child doesn't listen to me at once. Recently, I've been trying not to drag it."

Senior mom

"I understand, I do so every day. It's great to recognize children. I wish I could be encouraged to encourage them to think about what to do now."

Find and praise the good parts

It is important to find and praise the good parts of the mother while showing empathy.

Due to the spread of the infection, this mother also had to refrain from leaving her children at her parents' home, making it difficult for her to receive support for raising children.

The pressure and loneliness of having to raise a child on his own made him lose his spare time, and sometimes he became very angry with his child.

At that time, he said that he was mentally saved by using Home Start and being able to support him closely.

Mother

"I'm like a reliable older sister who supports and praises me. I was suffering from the feeling that I couldn't rely on anyone because of the corona sickness, but when I heard various stories, it was refreshing. I'm relieved. It was a big thing that I was pushed back by saying "I'm doing my best enough", and I realized that it doesn't have to be perfect, so I got a little more room. It's kind to children. I feel like I can get in touch with you. "

Mr. Honda

"I'm worried that some of the mothers we haven't met may have a hard time. There are conflicts when visiting as the infection spreads, but we take thorough measures. However, I am doing it with the idea that I should not stop walking. I want you to feel free to use it when you think that it is "a little difficult" long before the child-rearing situation becomes serious. "

You can't raise a child by yourself

What impressed me strongly through the interview was the words that mothers and supporters all said, "I can't raise a child by myself."

At first glance, it may seem obvious, but I think it was the corona sickness that was lost unknowingly.

I think that supporting the mother will save the life of the child.

Are there any parents and children around you that you can connect with?

Reporter of the Social Affairs Department

Atsumi Fujishima Joined in

2013

After working in charge of Kochi Bureau, Kumamoto Bureau, and Metropolitan Police Department, he is

currently mainly covering the field of child welfare.