[Gollum] Crowded 307: The child who came out 'Unorthodox'


"We were taught that King David is the standard of reward and punishment when we are judged in heaven. Compared to having a concubine, the few English books I have hidden are the blood of new feet. It started to bloom. I didn't realize this until many years later."


Do you remember the movie 'The Intern', which was a box office hit in 2015? The film is set in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, New York, featuring Anne Hathaway and Robert De Niro as 'hip' and sophisticated young people dreaming of cutting-edge fashion. In Korea, Seongsu-dong and Byeoncheonsa Temple are similar. Artists and young entrepreneurs who welcomed the advantage of low rent despite being close to Manhattan began to gather in this old factory area, and now there are cafes, clubs, and restaurants that are famous enough to often appear on TV travel programs in Korea. It has been transformed into a dense and stylish street.



However, there are over 70,000 people living in this place, which is now considered a 'hip neighborhood' even by Americans, in extreme contrast to the atmosphere I've talked about so far. Those of you who have been to the United States, especially those who have been to New York and other eastern parts of the country, have probably met them at least once. Men have long hair that rolls on either side of their face and just in front of their ears, and they wear black hats and black clothes. Women are far less conspicuous than men because they seldom come out of their homes, but married men shaved their heads and wore hoodies or wigs to cover their bodies. They are the Hasidic people of the fundamentalist Jewish community.



They have a number of essential features in common with the fundamentalist Islam that we commonly think of and the way of thinking and living.

First of all, they live together and completely reject outside cultures, influences, and diversity.

In most cases, at the age of 20, family members get married through matchmaking, and women continue to bear and raise children for the rest of their lives.

As I said earlier, not only do married women have to shave their heads, it's hard to imagine a woman driving or wearing pants.

It is difficult for men to dream of leaving the Hasidic community, but women's lives are all focused on 'the role of following men and constantly bearing children', so their daily routines are limited by the menstrual cycle.

These people are living in the same neighborhood as the New Yorkers, but far from each other with their quirky fashion and personality.

"Unclean language!"

My grandfather yelled at me when he heard me speak English to my cousin.

My grandfather said that unclean language permeates the soul like poison.

Reading English books was more dangerous.

Reading English books made my soul susceptible to temptation, so it was like opening the door to the devil.


.. Now I think I understand why I shouldn't read the Talmud.

The teacher always said

"King David did not commit any sin. King David was a saint. You must not slander God's favorite son and leader who has received the Holy Spirit."

But just before, I confirmed King David's fault in the Talmud."


The book we want to read together today is [Unorthodox: The Child Who Came Out], an autobiography of a woman who escaped this fundamentalist Jewish community. When it was published in early 2012, it caused considerable shock and controversy in American society. The four-part drama [And in Berlin] based on this autobiography is also available on Korean Netflix. This book was translated and published for the first time in Korea at the end of last July.



The concept of 'hasidic community' itself is unfamiliar to Koreans. But open this book and you'll soon find it. Scenes are unfolding moment by moment that we can't just say, 'There are people living like this', and we can't just say it's unfamiliar to us in Korean society that we can't just ignore. How can an individual who has grown up in a closed and oppressive community move toward a life where he can think for himself and practice that thought? How difficult it is to raise your hand and speak out when you see a contradiction in the conventions that are accepted as good in your society, and sometimes leave a sequel that you have to deal with like a lifelong task. This book contains a record of confusion, frustration, and struggle that anyone who has experienced overlapping worries can relate to. Hints captured from the eyes of insiders can be seen everywhere, as well as why a society that is prone to inward growth like a closed fundamentalist religious community was born, formed, and survived.



Author Deborah Feldman was born in 1986 to a mentally ill father and a mother whom he married and left after giving birth to him. Deborah's father has been left unattended for the rest of his life, without professional help, because psychosis - like all deviant signs of being "normal" - is considered a "familial disgrace" in the Hasidic community. Says. Deborah was raised by relatives, including grandparents. At the age of 17, his fiance is confirmed by a family matchmaking, and after seeing his face once, he begins the 'bridal class' process in which all the women in the community walk.


"Hey, I don't have that." I'm pretty sure I didn't have such a hole, and if there was one, it wasn't clear enough for that chubby forefinger or what it represented.


The teacher looked at me in shock. "Of course it is. Everyone has it."


"No, really. I don't." Agitation was heightened. I started to doubt myself. There is a passage that the teacher is talking about, but I didn't know it? How can I not know I have a hole in my body? I suddenly started to get scared. What if the wedding is canceled because the bride was born without a 'source'?


… … … . When I think of that day, my heart ache. I wanted to be a woman who knew my body and my strength, but my life was divided into two on that day. Before getting married, I was just a girl, but after that, I became a girl with a 'source'. I heard the shocking fact that my body was designed for sex. Someone made a place in my body for sex! Until then, I had been virtually cut off from everything that had to do with sex. We are spiritual beings, and our bodies are vessels for our souls. You have to live your whole life facing the parts of your body that you have lived without even knowing that they exist, let alone being curious. My body, having adapted to the existing way of life, resisted this change. In return, I will soon lose happiness, and the seeds of destruction that will eventually shatter my marriage are planted."

"You should have seen what this bed was like the first night." Golda whispered in a low voice.


There was so much blood." I wondered what he meant. If you were talking about losing your virginity on the first night, I didn't want to hear it. I wasn't in the mood to brag about anyone else's first night


. The bed, the wall, I had to go to the hospital." Suddenly her face was distorted. "He put it in the wrong place. The colon ruptured. Deborah, you can't even imagine the pain.


I ca

n't

tell you

how much it hurt."

I was speechless in shock. How could I

possibly have my

intestines ruptured?


"That's what they taught me in marriage class," Golda explained, hurriedly, "before the man dies, before the woman gets too frightened. that I have to get the job done. So he kept pushing. But it was the wrong place. How would he have known? I didn't even know where I was."


"How are you?"


"Oh, it's all right!" When


I got home, I went to the bathroom, buried my face in the towel, and sobbed. What was the family doing while Golda was going through that? Even after this time, these mistakes are repeated, so why is no one correcting them?"

“I told you not to tell anyone… they called me because they were so shocked.”


"Why? What's going on?" I straightened my back and rushed to answer."


"When my brother arrived, the boy's father pointed to the basement. When I went down, the boy was lying on the floor, bleeding. With his penis cut off and his head decapitated. Dad said he wasn't even sad. You said you saw your son masturbating."


"You mean you killed your son for masturbating? And


did

you call Hashalla?"

"Don't rush! I said I still don't know for sure. I heard a quarrel, so a neighbor reported it. In the situation room, he told hyung to go home without telling anyone, and he would take care of it. The body was buried within 30 minutes and no death certificate was issued... "You


didn't even report it to the police, did you? And you leave the killer alone because of your reputation?" My back stings. "Oh, what's with all these places? Do you punish for trivial things like wearing a short skirt, and keep silent when you break the Ten Commandments?"


Through the author's experiences, this book clearly dissects the mechanisms of the individual oppressed by the system. Not only does Deborah feel more sensitive to the absurdities of her community than any other girl in her, but she also experiences serious conflicts in her marriage, which started as a teenager. He even clearly notices the contemptuous gaze of other New Yorkers on himself, dressed in flamboyant clothing from the Hasidic community. However, even for Deborah with such a 'cognition', it was extremely difficult to leave the community in which she was born and raised. Even if they are not threatened with guns like the women of Afghanistan under the Taliban, even if they can escape to a completely different world with just one or two subway stops in the middle of New York, where anything is possible, individuals can form their own minds with family and friends. Leaving the values ​​​​of the entire growing up period is as difficult as cutting off limbs.



In the case of Deborah, for example, a precious son was already born in her early 20s, when she decided that she could no longer belong to this community. After divorced from her husband, Deborah Feldman wins a custody case and succeeds in leaving the community with her son. But, as Deborah herself admits, her luck had not been enjoyed by any other woman who had escaped the Hasidic community until then. In order to find their own life, they had to give up their children. Deborah's custody of custody was largely due to the fact that her autobiography, which she published, garnered a lot of attention as soon as it was published. Even if there are women in the Hasidic community, like Deborah, who have awakened to their own circumstances, or if there are people who are frustrated that they have to live a life on the verge of suffocation, not many mothers can leave behind their beloved children. Besides, custody is only the first step to escape. Far from getting a modest education, even speaking English rather than their own language, Yiddish, is a sin for women in the Hasidic community, who are destined to become adults, and there is not much they can do to bring their children out into the world. It is not easy to rebel against the community in a situation where the future of the poorest single mother is obvious.

"Grandma always said, "Doesn't the haircut look like a big deal? Not at all. got used to it quickly And to be honest, this is much more convenient. Especially in the summer."


Grandma's words that it wasn't a big deal sounded like she was talking to herself. "Why should I shave my head now, when nobody in Europe did that?" I asked again.


After a moment's hesitation, she answered." According to your grandfather, Rebbe wants us to be more devout than any other Jew in the past. They say that if we take such extreme measures that God will be proud of us, He will never punish us again like we did in World War II."


Whether the book's Hasidic community, or the Taliban, sparked by the horrors of the Holocaust, there was a fear of an external shock that was real at the beginning. It was their own struggle to respond to unreasonable oppression. But that struggle quickly became a greater oppression, a shield for the absurd in order to maintain the desires of a few in power. This type of fundamentalism, in particular, exploits women as both a display and a foundation for the system.



There is a lot of news these days about the situation in Afghanistan. A small number of refugees have also fled to Korea. Even at this very moment, it is hard to accept that there are people who are stumbling back into a society where women are shot on the streets for driving without a burqa, and there is nothing we can do about it.



However, on the other hand, in the case of Afghanistan, this can be an issue just because the US has been stationed there, but it reminds me that there is not this much external interest in the world where similar and more horrific situations are taking place. It's possible. On the other hand, I suddenly think that Iran, which is now accepted as a representative symbol of Islamic fundamentalism, was a country where women could study and work with men 40 years ago. The freedoms and rights we take for granted may in fact be more fragile or swept away than we think.



Right now, in Hong Kong, a newspaper with articles critical of the Chinese authorities has recently been shut down.

There are people who are sad that the problems they were concerned about when Hong Kong was returned to China 20 years ago are actually happening one by one, but right now, among the new generation in China, it is natural that newspapers that do not cooperate with the government and newspapers that insult the government will be shut down. “A lot of people say that.

And there are those who believe that whether a newspaper goes out of business or not has no immediate effect on their lives.

'How can you live like that?'

Astonishment is easier to fade than we usually think, and it may be possible to get wet little by little and reach 'that and that'.



When the obsession with the past, which refuses to change with the passage of time, becomes a system and a social norm, the 'Taliban' will eventually appear in any part of society... .

And if, for whatever reason, concealing and hiding becomes the driving force behind that obsession, there's no excuse any more.

"The woman I just met isn't the Mindy I know."


Now, as time goes on, Afghan girls will be advertised saying this. Already, many women in fundamentalist cultures are saying the same thing, and that's a major weapon of propaganda. "It's not a burqa that adults wear just because they can't go to school. It's not because they can't go to school. Because this is God's will, because if we don't do this, we won't be able to defend our orthodoxy from America or from the bad guys. I will follow it." No matter how sincere they may be, one thing is certain: a child who speaks that way is more likely to be recognized and safe in their own community right now than a child who questions the community. If the kid's luck isn't that bad, he might be able to live in moderation with his burqa on. However, if this child's luck is devastated anywhere, if the child is subjected to sexual or domestic violence or similar victimization that threatens the contradictory standards of fundamentalism, then Taliban society, the Hasidic community, will suffer. It is this child that is thrown away.



The latter part of today's reading, in particular, focuses on excerpts from a few excerpts from Deborah's beloved childhood friend Mindy. Mindy is a talented, one-year-old friend that Deborah admired as a child. Like Deborah, Mindy loved books, secretly sought out 'music these days', wanted to study more, and longed for freedom. But Mindy is no longer in Deborah's life. The last time Deborah met Mindy, she said, "This is God's will", pregnant with her fourth child in her mid-20s. Mindy's husband sees Deborah as a 'bad influence'.



Deborah lives in Berlin with her son. You will continue to navigate the future with your own soul and spirit, agonizing, sometimes lonely or frustrated, and encountering the ghosts of the past. I'm curious about Mindy today. Mindy is now irreversibly separated from Deborah and remains in the Hasidic community. What is Mindy doing tonight, who lives in a neighborhood that can be reached in 15 minutes by subway from where I live. What are you thinking? That's painfully curious.



To everyone who listens, thank you very much as always.



* Permission to read is obtained from the Four Seasons Publishing House.



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