What does a person need to be happy? If this person's name is Dmitry Kuleba, and he works as the Minister of Foreign Affairs of Ukraine, then this is what: the number of klaki in the form of participants in the Crimean Platform summit. All Wednesday, the head of the Kiev foreign policy department gleefully reported on Twitter: they say, what a joy! The number of countries that have confirmed their participation in the action has increased to thirty-four! Oh, there are thirty-seven lads already recruited! Believe it or not, there are already thirty-eight of them!
We will willingly believe, Dmitry Ivanovich, and we will not be too upset if there are at least one hundred thirty-eight of them. As a sign of the seriousness and sincerity of my feelings, I am even ready to give the Minister of Foreign Affairs of Ukraine free advice, which will help bring the number of participants in the notorious "Crimean Platform" up to the figure I have indicated. In order to convincingly emphasize the universal significance of this summit, it is necessary to invite delegates from other planets, constellations, galaxies to it. Imagine how beautiful and eloquent the press release will be, which the Kiev Foreign Ministry will be able to issue: “The constellation of Virgo unambiguously supports our position! The representative of the star Aldebaran is also with us! Listen, citizens, to our venerable guest from the Alpha Centauri triple star system!We love and value him especially strongly - after all, it can be entered into our ledger three times! "
Does it seem to you that I have made a bit of a report? There is such a thing. But remember what they said on the playgrounds, when strict parents or educators caught some kindergartener on some forbidden disgrace? Remember correctly: "I am not guilty, he was the first to start!" So, it's not my fault either, the Ukrainian Foreign Ministry was the first to start. To clarify my position, I will retell one somewhat rude, but surprisingly suitable anecdote for describing this situation. A large consignment of carrots was brought to a certain institution of quite adult, but deprived of the pleasures of life, noble maidens. The girls rejoice violently, but the cook breaks off their delight: “You shouldn't rejoice! She's grated! "
I don’t want to disappoint dear Dmitry Ivanovich Kuleb, but all its participants in the summit are the same “grated carrot”.
Do you think that I am speaking too vaguely?
Then I explain on my fingers.
In the vastness of the world wide web, I found a definition of the word "klaka" that migrated there from some old Soviet dictionary: "In capitalist countries: a group of people hired to create artificial success or failure of an artist, orator or any performance, performance and the like." ...
The reference to the "horrors of capitalism" is, of course, an anachronism.
But the terms "artificial success" and "performance" hit the nail on the head
What can happen on the Crimean Platform? Approximately the following: participants will come and deliver a certain number of speeches with a long-known set of theses: we do not recognize, we condemn, we demand, we insist, and so on. So what? Never mind. Crimea will remain Russian - it will remain Russian not in a declarative, but in the most meaningful sense. All this happened, Dmitry Ivanovich, it happened many times! And speeches were made with a call for "de-occupation". And various resolutions were adopted there. And even sanctions were introduced. However, what are the sanctions? The water was blocked. But it’s all to no avail. Crimea, as it was Russian, remained Russian.
I do not gloat or mock (mockery is a water blockade of residents of the territory, which official Kiev considers "theirs"). I just call a spade a spade. What Dmitry Kuleba is doing with such enthusiasm is called pounding water in a mortar. All the "novelty" of the "Crimean platform" comes down to this well-invented phrase - "Crimean platform". There was no "platform" before, but now there will be. You can also come up with some kind of "Crimean triangle" or, say, "Crimean ellipse". Not everyone, however, knows what an ellipse is. But this is even good! The mysterious attracts, creates intrigue.
And the ministerial happiness of Dmitry Kuleba consists in creating intrigue from scratch. For this skill he is paid the salary of a member of the government. For this skill he is kept in this position. As the old song says, "mirages are our life." Not ours, of course: him, them. Russia has Crimea, and Ukraine has a “Crimean Platform”. Of course, I understand that in Kiev, and especially in the department of Dmitry Ivanovich Kuleba, this position of mine will be considered unfounded malice. They will tell you why it is so important to "support the theme of the de-occupation of Crimea on the world agenda."
Of course, it is important - from the point of view of maintaining the material well-being of the apparatchiks from the Ukrainian Ministry of Foreign Affairs for the longest possible period of time.
This is my point to the fact that, according to the plans of Mr. Kuleba's subordinates, the Crimean Platform will operate on a permanent basis, its office will work in Kiev. "
It will work for a long time, I'm sure.
I wanted to write "until the end of time," but then I realized that I most decisively did not like such a speech turn.
Therefore, I will formulate my thought as follows: I believe that there will be enough work in this office for the grandchildren of Dmitry Kuleba, and for the grandchildren of these grandchildren too.
The point of view of the author may not coincide with the position of the editorial board.