• Stingy or over-spending buddies, blunderers, lazy… “Dirty friends” exist, and each year manage to find people to go on vacation with them.

  • Every year, and this year maybe even more, after three anti-Covid lockdowns, do you go on leave with friends?

    "20 Minutes" has decided to help you.

    Quite simply because the editorial staff believes that you have taken a fair amount of money in 2020 and 2021. It is high time to take advantage!

  • Here is the manual for going on vacation with friends without committing suicide or committing suicide to your loved ones (because an accident can happen quickly, we know).

Remember. We were in winter, in the euphoria of the post-containment reunion, you innocently offered your friends to take care of the organization of this summer's vacation. If at the time, the idea seemed good to you, today, you regret having (again) spoken too quickly that evening.

A few days before departure, after hundreds of hours of WhatsApp discussions on the choice of the destination, daily reminders for the payment of accommodation and dozens of confusion over the allocation of rooms, you are already exhausted, even before you start. 'have started these holidays.

Between Théo who wants to go to the sun, Marine who fears the heat, Sophie who changes her mind every three days, Simon who is close to the euro and Nicolas who does not respond to any message, but who criticizes each decision, your mind is put to the test.

We take a deep breath.

This year,

20 Minutes

(as well as the author of this article who still organizes holidays for 22 people) will help you manage this ordeal by giving you some advice.

A thankless role

Let it be said, the role of the organizer is rather thankless. Do everything for his friends, with the risk of having in return a little "the house was nice, but I don't know if we will rent it next year". A sensation that Peter *, 29, feels every year: “On the one hand, we seem stressed when we try to organize everything as well as possible, and on the other, we feel at fault when one of our choices does not please our friends. " 

To avoid passing for a dictator or a person with doubtful tastes, Serge Zuili, clinical psychologist and social link specialist, advises the organizer to check, before leaving, the group's acceptance rate for his organization: “He must validate that what seems good to him is also good in the eyes of the group, to agree not to react in a susceptible way if people do not accept what he proposes or to involve others in the choice of activities . " 

You can choose to take care of the organization from A to Z and forbid your friends to complain (probably the least effective tip on this list).

This is the radical solution for which Marie has opted *.

“I offer my friends different destinations.

Once the choice is made, I ask them if they absolutely want to see something or do a particular activity.

And then, end of the discussions, I take care of everything else.

Since they haven't organized anything, they don't have the right to complain.

" 

For Robert Zuili, this solution can lead to an imbalance between the organizer and the rest of the group: “The risk is that some can quickly become unbearable in the eyes of others.

If the organizer does not let go, he risks tiring the group.

Conversely, the organizer may get annoyed at having to take care of everything.

"

Delegate for better reign

The other solution is to anticipate.

Those who are well versed in organizing vacations with friends know this is the key.

Thomas *, understood this well.

“On the day of departure, I make an appointment an hour before the real time, because there is always one who is late.

This is the best technique to make sure you don't miss the train or the plane.

The 26-year-old doesn't stop there.

“For payment, I do not confirm any reservation until I have received all of it from my friends by a deadline.

Whoever has not paid will not leave, period.

"

What if to avoid having to deal with accommodation, transport, activities, meals, you delegate to yourself by distributing tasks?

“It allows you to suffer less from the organization.

There is one who is looking for Airbnb, one who is looking for trains, etc. ”, says Peter, who is still not fully in control.

“If your friends aren't very efficient, it's worth saving the important parts of the stay, like accommodation, to make sure you don't end up in a prefab.

Or why not let everyone organize a day?

We are not going to lie to each other, it will be a day to win for you on the mental level, that's already it.

To enact the rules of the game

Penultimate tip, don't forget to play down. Théo didn't like kayaking, Marine finds the house too small, Chloe doesn't want to pay for the strawberries she didn't eat? Well, let's face it, there is no death of a man, you will get over it and your friends too (we hope you will). “What is painful for the organizer is that the reproaches are taken as a personal challenge. It is essential for the participants to talk about oneself, not about the other. Rather than saying: "Jade, the activity you have reserved is zero", rather prefer "I do not feel comfortable with this Jade activity" ", urges Serge Zuili. A simple turn of phrase that could save Jade hours of depression on the beach drawing skulls in the sand.

Last suggestion, probably the most important, must be communicated. As in a couple, it is the key to everything. What if, at this famous post-confinement evening, you had started by specifying the rules of the game? "Who takes care of such and such a reservation? What do we do together on site? What does each person expect from this vacation? If the rules are not enacted, they will be misinterpreted and sources of conflict during the stay, ”advises Serge Zuili. Once there, we don't hesitate to say if the organizer behaves like a dictator or if the others have forgotten that you were not their employee.

“Going in a group means living with each other's differences.

For it to work, you have to be able to say things to yourself, without it being a personal questioning, ”explains the psychologist, who recalls that if you are able to say what is wrong, you must not forget to say what's going.

If with all these tips, your vacation still looks like setting up a health pass, as Peter says: “At some point, you have to know how to take care of yourself, and if your friends don't deserve you, change them.

" Good holidays !

* The first names have been changed for obvious diplomatic reasons

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