Motherhood is already a great adventure that turns women's lives upside down.
But discovering her role as a mother and welcoming her baby in times of a pandemic is even more complicated.
Strict health protocols, distance from loved ones and reduced support for young mothers can reinforce feelings of loneliness
Ten tiny fingers, eyes fringed with delicate lashes and soft skin.
A little baby whose mother is you.
One of the most beautiful roles of your life, but maybe one of the most difficult too.
Because being a mother means taking care of an infant who depends on you, managing crying, his own fatigue, the sleepless nights that greet you from childbirth and all the vagaries of this vulnerable postpartum period.
An emotional roller coaster, for a new parenting role in which you have to make your mark, and where any help is welcome.
But how do you do when you have to go through all this in times of coronavirus?
How to manage your anxieties related to new parenthood when added to all the fears associated with the pandemic?
And that the health restrictions isolate even more?
"Refocused on our family"
In the right dosage, a little solitude can be good. "I gave birth shortly before the third confinement, and I really appreciated the fact of not having visits to the maternity ward, of being calm with my baby," says Chloe. "It allowed me to start my breastfeeding serenely," adds Noëllie. Especially since "the staff was more available, and that we were really able to take advantage of these first days refocused on our family," says Marion. Amélie, who gave birth to her second child during the first confinement, quickly swept away her anxieties: "The four of us to cocoon and get to know this new baby was rather positive, especially as my husband was able to spend two months at home. It's still nicer than going back to work after 11 days! », Comments the young mother.
Thus, on returning home, "many mothers were relieved to be peaceful with their spouse, without having to undergo visits from those around them," confirms Dr. Myriam Szejer, child psychiatrist, psychoanalyst and president of the association La cause des. babies.
As a parenthesis to meet their child in all serenity.
And within the couple, even if the spouse works from home, there is a significant presence and cooperation ”.
Thus, "this family bubble forced by the Covid has allowed young parents to enter into a connection with their baby, to promote the bond of attachment", explains Audrey Ndjave-Sulpizi.
A clinical nurse in perinatal care, she created Happy Mum & Baby, a virtual perinatal center which brings together professionals from the sector and supports young parents.
"A pair of extra arms would have helped me a lot"
But “this tranquility, we ended up suffering it, breathes Nelly. Even if I dreaded living with my mother-in-law and feared that she would do what she wanted when I left the maternity ward, a pair of extra arms would have helped me a lot! “Because the lack of support quickly ends up making itself felt. A mother who comes to spend a few days to help, a friend who comes to keep you company and takes over with the baby, or in-laws who drop off some groceries and home-cooked meals: the help of loved ones is all welcome.
Except that with travel restrictions and relatives who sometimes live several hundred kilometers away, that whole circle that we can usually count on is absent when we need it most. “When we got home, we didn't see anyone for a month,” Christel remembers. My aunt who was supposed to come and help us did not come. Apart from my husband and I, no one hugged my son until he was 3 months old ”. Ditto for Clara: “I was hoping that my parents, who live abroad, could come, but it was not possible. Result: the first months were very difficult, and having no experience, I felt lonely and very useless ”.
Because the pandemic "greatly reinforces the feeling of isolation, which is why I set up the" Solidari'Mum "network, indicates Audrey Ndjave-Sulpizi.
They are volunteers who offer help to single mothers for a few hours, the time to take a shower or get some sleep.
It is about allowing them to allow themselves beneficial and necessary moments of recovery, to relieve a little fatigue and the mental load, and this sometimes even when the spouse - or the mother herself - is teleworking.
Because you can be exhausted very quickly working at home with a baby to be taken care of ”.
"Mothers need more support from perinatal professionals"
In practice, because of the pandemic, "there were no visits, therefore no help or advice from relatives," says Dr Szejer. Some PMIs and perinatal professionals even stopped coming to their homes because of the protocols and, at the very beginning, the lack of protective equipment. This clearly accentuated the loneliness of mothers ”. While “motherhood and post-partum are already weakening them, the context increases their anxieties and their needs,” adds Audrey Ndjave-Sulpizi. And between the health recommendations which often change, the anxiety-provoking climate and the fear of the virus, there is a boom in requests for consultations, ranging from the establishment of breastfeeding to support for babies' sleep. And even more and more fathers who ask us because they are in fact more present,therefore more faced with the difficulties to manage. Parents, and mothers in particular, need more support from perinatal professionals ”.
To answer this, the perinatal nurse, who works outside the Social Security agreement, has revised her services and rates. “Even more during this period, families pay attention to their finances, and it is important to make this care more accessible”. Especially since for mothers, the restrictions mean not only no - or few - visits from relatives, but also the closure of associative structures and cafes allowing young mothers to socialize and exchange with each other. To compensate for this lack, Audrey Ndjave-Sulpizi has also strengthened its presence on social networks, "to share reliable information, do prevention and provide support," she explains. With lives, posts, and free online workshops to answer their questions and appease them. My virtual activity,launched four years ago, makes perfect sense today ”.
The risk of late postpartum
But “even outside of Covid, mothers often complain about the isolation and lack of support during the postpartum period, observes Dr. Szejer.
Families are broken up, mothers are often alone at home with their babies.
Thus, 18 to 20% have postpartum depression.
I don't think there are more than usual.
On the other hand, there are more requests for support from mothers, who, when they already have a weakness, feel even more lonely.
I fear that there is a significant risk of late postpartum: I see women who do not go out with their babies, do not see anyone ”.
Like Nelly: “my friends and part of my family still haven't met my son, who will soon be 6 months old! We don't see anyone, we can't share their arrival, the pandemic is robbing us of all that ”. For these mothers, "isolation slows down overall development: being deprived of sharing, of memories, is a source of sadness, anger and frustration", analyzes Audrey Ndjave-Sulpizi. Became pregnant just before the first confinement, Andréa lived her pregnancy "without kissing (her) loved ones or hugging them. Today, my baby is growing up and I still feel lonely, there is no one to come and look after him from time to time ", confides the young mother, who" has developed quite severe postpartum depression ". Clara too, but “luckily, I was able to count on the midwife who followed me, she accompanied me,just like my companion. And thanks to their help, all is well today ”.
"Hence the importance of not suffering in silence," insists Audrey Ndjave-Sulpizi.
To ask for help is not to be weak.
Being a mother is a physiological, physical and psychological upheaval: it's a tidal wave.
However, if we are accompanied, we understand better what we are going through, and we pass this course all the more easily ”.
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