In the show "Sans rendez-vous" Wednesday on Europe 1, Catherine Blanc responds to a listener, Océane, 19, who recounts her difficulties in love and concerning sexual relations.
Océane wonders if all of this is related to the lack of discussions about sexuality with her parents.
For the sex therapist, nothing is less certain ...
Can a lack of knowledge about sexuality explain love and sexual difficulties when you are young?
In the program
Sans rendez-vous
Wednesday on Europe 1, the sexologist and psychoanalyst Catherine Blanc answers the question of a listener, Océane, who wonders if the fact that sexuality was a taboo subject with her parents can have an impact on his romantic and sexual relationships.
These are difficult, she says.
The question of Océane
"I don't really have a sexual culture. It was a bit taboo at home. I never talked about it with my parents but today I have a hard time having sex or finding it. love. I tell myself that maybe it's because of that, what do you think? "
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Catherine Blanc's response
“We often hear this version, but also its opposite. Sometimes we have the feeling that our sexuality is encumbered because our own parents were exhibitionists, naturists or talked a lot about sexuality. All of this can do us violence. 'others feel they have a problem with their sexuality because their parents didn't talk about it and it was taboo.
Let us say once and for all that we do not learn sexuality with words or explanatory tables and even less with pornography which is blunt.
Rather, we have to look at the understanding that we have links.
The links between our parents also pose this question of the possible and the impossible or the domination of one over the other.
If we are stopped in our outbursts of love or in our discovery of our femininity or our masculinity and that we are judged in the way we dress and behave, this will obviously fuel the idea of a difficult sexuality.
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At 19, she says she is surrounded by a sexual culture.
She should know that this culture, abundant around her, can also contain misinformation about sexuality.
It is as if she is evaluating herself in relation to her peers.
She feels that she suffers from a knowledge vacuum when she sees that everyone around her says they have done things.
She thinks that she sucks because of that, while she is in difficulty because she is 19 years old, that she has her modesty and that it is with her modesty that she will have to start her sexuality, like all of us.
Isn't it strange to blame his parents?
There is something more at stake than the sole subject of sexuality in its history.
Moreover, she immediately speaks of love after having spoken of sexuality.
I think there is something to do with whether or not you trust your parents' love.
This subject is fragile, suddenly it seems rather in a complaint because of a lack of affection.
That's why she talks about 'culture'.
She tells her story as if she were empty, empty of her relationship with her parents.
The subject is less relative to sexuality than one might think.
It must be said that today there are parents who talk very easily about sexuality ...
These very informed parents do not necessarily mean peace for the children!
Children are very attacked by parents who absolutely want to inform them about the dangerousness but also the pleasures of sexuality and tell them: 'You're going to see, you're going to burst, it's great.'
Kids don't want parents telling them it's gonna be great!
Unless they asked the question.
They don't want to know that parents were involved in sex and that they liked it because they are afraid.
For them, if the parents liked it and they also like it, it can mean that there is a sharing of the same experience and therefore of the same bed!
This is obviously not the case in reality but fantasically it can be interpreted as such by children.
Océane, tells a story that goes far beyond sexuality. This story is about a young girl who walks through the world with the idea of somehow having empty pockets, while she feels that others have their pockets full of understanding and knowledge. She believes that it is in the name of this 'lack of culture' that she finds it difficult to love and be loved. But I believe that the causes are to be found in a much more archaic story resulting from his relationship with his parents. "