In the show "Sans Rendez", Catherine Blanc responds to a listener, Jean-Marc, who wonders if he can fall in love again after the death of his wife four years ago.

The man, despite his efforts, does not manage to reinvest in his sexuality. 

How can we reinvest in our sexuality after the loss of a loved one?

In "Sans rendez-vous", the sex therapist and psychoanalyst Catherine Blanc answers the question of a listener.

This Friday, Jean-Marc wonders if he will one day be able to fall in love again after the death of his wife four years ago.

The man takes care of his children but does not manage to rebuild himself sentimentally, despite his research.

Jean-Marc's question:

"I am 47 years old, I lost my wife four years ago and since then it is very difficult for me to rebuild myself sentimentally. I take care of my children but I cannot find a partner. I never find one who is as good as my ex-wife. Could I fall in love a second time? " 

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Catherine Blanc's response: 

"It's difficult at 43 to become a widower since the death of his wife took place four years ago. It's hard to find yourself with children too. We built a family unit with everything that represented. security of being together. And then, there is this duty of loyalty with the children who are in the middle. There is also the duty of loyalty towards the deceased and in the eyes of the children. The situation is completely different from the wife who goes away with another man, so there is the gaze of the children, who have only one mother, who impose loyalty on the father to the deceased.

Why does he compare after four more years, his meetings with his deceased wife? 

It's common to compare because the situation is very different from when you were 18 when you meet someone you don't know anything about and on whom you project lots of possibilities. And then it is not a chosen separation. It is a separation in full love, in full combat against death if it is by disease. And when you see your children growing up, you can't help but see the face of the other, the facial expressions of the other. When you are more mature and you meet someone, you have this meeting without naivety as well. We see the qualities and the faults in the other. We can immediately assess the faults of the people we meet, while the one with whom we shared our life until his death, we have omitted his faults because we grew up together, weflourished together. 

Should he discuss his desire to start a new life with his children?

It is not for children to decide whether their father can resume a love life or not.

On the other hand, it can allow children to understand that even if their mother's life has come to an end, it is not forbidden for others to continue with their life.

It is a possibility to help the children to free themselves from a duty of fidelity and to make them understand that the father also has to take this path. 

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Can we fall in love a second time? 

Of course, we can fall in love again a second time because again, we still have this pretty romantic idea of ​​one and only one who was made for us. In reality, the one that is made for us is the one with whom we build. Here, it's all about building yourself and allowing yourself to build with someone. It is also an opportunity to see differently rather than looking for the same because as long as I am looking for the same, I will not find it. He loved a woman who had a personality and that personality remains with his previous wife. He must find a new companion with his own personality to avoid comparisons. Now there is just a wonderful opportunity at a different age with different maturity with structuring life experiences,to be able to rebuild something new. "