Chinanews client, Beijing, April 14 (Peng Ningling) Quit the workplace, bring a baby, cook, do housework... In the era of promoting independent women, many people have changed their opinions about full-time wives.
But someone in the family must return. What are the sacrifices of women who are forced to work full-time?
When a full-time wife is "divorced", how can we improve her dilemma of drastic changes?
Source of data map: Visual China
Full-time mother widowed raising baby sued for divorce
For the sake of husband and child, willing to be a full-time mother, she thought she had a happy marriage, but she was suddenly "divorced"... Recently, #全职妈妈宝宝的养娃被访娃# appeared on the topic list, sparking discussions among netizens about full-time mothers.
According to media reports, Ms. Zhang, who lives in Longhua District, Shenzhen, married her husband in 2014 and had a daughter after marriage. Because there was no one to help take care of the child's daily life, Ms. Zhang took care of the child full-time at home.
On March 24 this year, Ms. Zhang received a complaint from her husband, in which she requested a divorce from her husband, "sweeping" her daughter's custody rights, and was also required to bear the joint debts of the husband and wife.
Ms. Zhang said that in the past few years, she and her husband have occasionally quarreled over minor conflicts in life, but in her opinion, the relationship between husband and wife has been good.
Two or three years ago, her husband moved to the unit dormitory on the grounds that she was busy with work. The mother and daughter continued to rent out. The living expenses basically relied on recurring several credit cards of her own to pay, but she did not blame her husband for this.
When the news of being sued for divorce came, she was like a bolt from the blue: she had no income, and she owed credit cards and debts mentioned by her husband.
This matter triggered lively discussions on the Internet:
“Taking care of the family full-time and getting divorced is indeed a topic that is often discussed,” said Liu Lanlan, a lawyer from Sichuan Discovery Law Firm, in an interview with Chinanews.com. Among the divorce cases she has handled, many full-time people have been divorced. And most of them are women.
"Because they have no source of income, they are often in a disadvantaged position in the family, and some people suffer from language violence for a long time."
Liu Lanlan said that full-time people are relatively passive when divorcing. On the one hand, they are emotionally unacceptable. On the other hand, there are wives who don't even know the status of family property, which is very detrimental to subsequent property division and child custody.
Source of data map: Visual China
Forced to be full-time: "When there is no one, I just think about myself"
"Quit the workplace, 24-hour babysitting, no financial status..." In the comments of netizens, full-time wives are very talkative, and many female interviewees also said that they would not choose to be full-time wives.
But someone in the family must quit the workplace and return to the family. What have they sacrificed?
Zhao Fang is 30 years old this year. She told Chinanews.com that this is her third year as a full-time mother.
"After the child was born, since neither my husband's parents nor I could help take care of the child, I had to resign and stay home."
When deciding to sacrifice his career for the children and family, Mr. Zhao Fanghe had a dispute.
Zhao Fang didn't understand that if there must be a sacrifice in the family, "Why can only be the mother?" After calming down, she could only comfort herself: her husband's salary is higher and the family's expenses can be better protected.
In many people's minds, the risks faced by full-time wives always come from their husbands and money, but for Zhao Fang, to be a full-time mother requires a strong heart to maintain himself.
"The scope of activities is in the community, and the objects of communication are middle-aged uncles and aunts, and they are filled with firewood, rice, oil, salt and noisy babies 24 hours a day," said Zhao Fang. In the first year of being a full-time mother, she felt a sense of losing herself.
"There is no difference from a babysitter. Only when there is no one can I think about myself."
Zhao Fang didn't plan to be a full-time mother for a lifetime. She planned to wait for "the child to grow up and continue to work."
But in Zhao Fang's vision, she is worried that there will still be a lot of housework, and her energy may be limited. At the same time, she is afraid that she will be out of touch with the society and "may not even be able to get an interview opportunity."
This is not the worry of Zhao Fang alone.
In 2019, the "White Paper on Chinese Family Breeding Methods in 2019" released by an organization showed that the proportion of full-time mothers after 1995 has reached 82%. Among full-time mothers, 60% have a "side career dream" and hope to take care of career and family. Self-worth and enhance the right to speak.
However, due to various constraints such as environment and energy, most of them are still in the conception stage, and only 35% have been put into action.
The report also said that from giving birth to returning to the workplace, working mothers were worried about resuming work: they had not been in contact with work for a long time, and they felt unfamiliar with work; and they were worried that they would not be able to keep up with the pace of career development.
"In some places, it is true that full-time mothers are preconceived, thinking that full-time mothers have rigid thinking and poor learning ability." Zhang Qing, a human resource manager in a company in Chongqing, believes that childbirth is a normal phenomenon, and the workplace should be more tolerant to full-time mothers.
The picture shows the marriage registration agency handling marriage registration for the newlyweds.
Photo courtesy of Chongqing Civil Affairs Bureau
Lawyer: Understand family finances and maintain social contact
In addition to similar identities, Zhao Fang also has a similar experience with the full-time mother of the incident-in order to support her life, she and her husband borrowed a lot of debts.
Zhao Fang could not imagine being divorced at this stage.
"If I don't have money, what should I pay back my part? How can I raise a child if I can't even support myself?"
"If it is a joint debt of a husband and wife, both parties need to repay it together." Liu Lanlan said that from a legal point of view, generally speaking, the debt is used for joint living expenses, joint operating expenses, or when borrowing money. Co-borrowing money in name may be regarded as joint debt.
"Unless Ms. Zhang's husband borrowed expenses not shared by the family, she may not need to repay it."
Regarding the child's custody rights, the lawyer said that the custody rights were not "taken away".
When determining the custody of children, in principle, children under the age of 2 will follow the mother, and children over 8 will respect the wishes of the child.
"The court will also comprehensively consider factors such as the physical condition of the parents, financial ability, and who has raised the child more often."
The lawyer mentioned that no one can evade family obligations. If one party undertakes more family obligations at home full-time, the other party should provide assistance within its capacity.
And because the full-time party's contribution to the family is often not reflected in the specific amount, the "Civil Code" gives him the right to request compensation in the event of a divorce.
Article 1088 of the "Civil Code" stipulates that if one spouse bears more obligations due to raising children, caring for the elderly, assisting the other in work, etc., at the time of divorce, the spouse has the right to request compensation from the other spouse, and the other spouse shall make compensation.
In February this year, according to media reports, Beijing Fangshan Court applied the "Civil Code" to conclude a full-time wife's divorce and housework compensation case for the first time, and the first instance judged the man to compensate 50,000 yuan.
In April, the People's Court of Zhifu District, Yantai City, Shandong Province also issued a divorce case to protect the rights and interests of full-time wives.
"Existing cases show that the law affirms the labor value of the full-time party and provides stronger protection for the party who is at home full-time and assumes more family obligations." Liu Lanlan said.
The lawyer suggested that in reality, if women have to stay at home full-time, they should have a basic understanding of the financial situation at home, and try to keep in touch with the society in daily life.
"For example, some full-time mothers will participate in gatherings of this group to find psychological support. They can also provide help to each other, such as doing some side jobs within their capacity." Liu Lanlan said, "This can improve the situation when encountering divorce and other drastic changes. Dilemma." (End)