In the show "Sans rendez-vous" Thursday on Europe 1, Catherine Blanc responds to a listener, Claire, who says she has lived with her boyfriend for six months in a shared apartment with the latter's brother.
The situation begins to annoy her and she wonders how to talk about it with her boyfriend without having to upset him.
Preserving privacy in a shared apartment is not always easy.
In the program
Sans rendez-vous
Thursday on Europe 1, Catherine Blanc answers the question of a listener, Claire, who wonders how to talk with her boyfriend about her annoyance of living for several months in a shared apartment with him and his brother .
Claire's question
“I've been living with my boyfriend for six months now. The problem is that he shares his apartment with his brother. If I found it friendly at first, the situation tends to annoy me. of not living my relationship fully. How can I tell him without getting offended? "
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Catherine Blanc's response
“I think at the beginning it was very charming because being the only woman in the midst of these two men, arriving in the midst of siblings, it was very friendly, of course. But after a while. She feels like she's still the “patch” after all. Roommate love life isn't always easy, especially with two brothers who have a bond or a rivalry. She's in the middle of it all. , which is certainly complicated. And above all, it is not the center of the world. And that is not very pleasant.
Are there any rules for having a romantic life and living in a shared apartment?
There are no rules.
But the fact is that shared accommodation can unfortunately be an obstacle to meeting people, especially for young people.
In a shared apartment, you can quickly end up sleeping together and, all the rest of the time, be friends, pals, like the
Spanish Inn
.
In this case, it can be complicated because a sexual relationship needs relationship building.
She needs exchanges, she needs complicity outside of bed ... And the couple cannot be reduced to being in the same bed or having sex together.
We don't have to be in a fusional relationship, but we need a space to build the specificity of the relationship.
Once again, there is no question of promoting the very fusing idea of the couple and excluding others.
I think our society suffers from this.
We are often in very close relationships and we have difficulty sharing and interacting with each other, as if we were going to lose our power.
However, without being in the merger, it is still necessary to be able to establish a quality of relationship, to write a story, whether it is a love story or an erotic story.
Co-tenancy can also be a constrained choice. Shouldn't we know how to "do with"?
Yes, and then we will have to deal with it later since we will possibly have children!
So you have to learn to share.
You have to learn to deal with others.
You have to learn to accept that others interfere between me and the one I want.
It's part of our lives.
So let's not be allergic to the idea of roommates.
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Even if it still poses problems.
For the one who is outside, the brother in this case, it can engender the idea of being sidelined.
Suddenly, he seeks complicity with his brother and that creates tensions.
And then there is one who becomes the object of love of both, his brother and his girlfriend.
You have to learn to live with it, but it's not easy.
It's life.
We deal with the situation in which we are and this is also an opportunity to learn what is problematic for us to try to understand where our doubts and weaknesses lie.
So Claire can talk about it with her boyfriend without a problem?
Yes, of course, you have to be able to ask the question.
Generally speaking, if you are in a relationship, if you are walking together, you have to be able to talk to each other.
If in the name of the fact that the love story is recent, we can not talk about it, it means that the relationship is established only on the basis of a submission of one vis-à-vis the other.
Misunderstandings will then arise.
And, later, we will complain or consult for a subject that we have allowed to fall into place without doing anything.
The characteristic of the adult is to be able to put words on his emotions, on his feelings, on his discomfort, to leave the opportunity to the other, not to comply, but to understand and possibly to provide solutions. "