In the show "Sans rendez-vous" Wednesday on Europe 1, Catherine Blanc responds to a listener, Valérie, who says she spoke to her friends about her one-night sexual relationship with a man who only pleased her on the physical appearance.

Her friends didn't understand why she did this.

She asked the sex therapist for advice. 

Talking about sex with friends can sometimes be perilous.

In the program 

Sans rendez-vous

 Wednesday on Europe 1, Catherine Blanc answers the question of a listener, Valérie, whose friends do not understand that she slept with a boy only for his physique.

Valérie wonders what the sexologist and psychoanalyst thinks about it.

Valérie's question

“The other day, I slept with a boy who I liked only physically. My friends don't understand how I could have done that. I explained to them that for a one-night stand, I don't didn't need a man with Einstein's IQ. What do you think? "

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Catherine Blanc's response

"It's not necessary. Now it's up to everyone to know. When we make love with someone, we make love, of course, with a body, but we also make love with it. all that is supposed to be skills in this body. Maybe she didn't need to have someone who had a certain IQ because it also allowed her to let go of her own thinking and her own intelligence. , which certainly harm his sexuality.

Often, we do not seek intelligence in the other, because we want to give way to our own which precisely entangles our sexuality, interferes with our desire, possibly brings a judgment.

Perhaps she went to a man to find a body, muscles and the carnal in order, precisely, to allow herself to be just herself, only a body and impulses.

>> Find all of Sans rendez-vous every day from 3 p.m. to 4 p.m. on Europe 1 as well as in replay and podcast here

Why does she mention this mental aspect to her friends if everything has gone well elsewhere?

That's why I think there is something about her expressing herself here.

What I find most curious is needing the advice of others.

If I make love with someone, it's the appropriateness of a moment, of a meeting ... What do my girlfriends or my boyfriends have to do with it, astonishing why did I stoop to that?

Besides, if they tell me that, it is because I told them that I had stooped to go to someone in particular.

The goal was the meeting of two bodies.

If she needed to comment on it to have the judgment of the girlfriends, it is because she is judging herself on this subject.

Otherwise, we do not need to have the opinion of others.

Isn't it also risky if a relationship is created with this man?

It's actually a bit pretentious because you never really know what the gap is between the idea you have of the other and the reality of the other.

There are people who can be seen to be extremely intelligent and who, in fact, are undrinkable, unbearable to live with.

Intelligence is not proof of relationship competence.

For her, it is also possible that this is a way of preventing this relationship from becoming something else.

This argument justifies why it was only a one-night stand and it legitimizes the possibility of going to bed to go to bed.

It's a way to hide your own difficulty about starting the relationship.

One thus lets think that it is in the name of the lack of intelligence that it is reduced to the story of an evening. 

Isn't it embarrassing to denigrate others like this?

I believe that indeed this is the whole difficulty: sleeping with someone is not using the other.

It is in any case a meeting with adequations and inadequacies.

The judgment of the other says a lot about the judgment that we pass on ourselves, on our doubts, on our lack of confidence which explains why we have, at this point, need to denigrate the other.

It's quite curious but I think it's quite common, especially among young people, to need to justify divesting something that is extremely intimate, while sharing the alleged truth of connections with friends.

So there are those with whom we would share, supposedly, the real emotions and those with whom we just get laid by using their bodies.

But the risk is to be used also and to reduce oneself to a state of object. "