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Welcome to the Waldorf School Week at “Let's Dance”.
Of course, this does not mean the salad of the same name, but the legendary state-recognized substitute school.
That fits well.
On the one hand, a few celebrities have gathered again this year on the dance floor in Cologne-Ossendorf who, with regard to their dancing skills, would rather be categorized as substitute dancers.
On the other hand, as is well known, one likes to dance one's name in Waldorf schools - and with “Let's Dance” today, one's year of birth.
The “Born in” special is coming up.
The candidates dance to a hit from their year of birth.
The most important thing in advance: None of the remaining 12 celebrities was born in 1995, so we are spared “Cotton Eye Joe” from the Rednex.
Rednex, or as they say in the music industry: The Daniel Hartwichs of the country dance scene.
And that was close.
Lola Weippert was born in 1996 and therefore only misses the Rednex by a year.
In keeping with the year of her birth, she received a Tamagotchi from professional dance partner Christian Polanc.
Fascinating that Polanc can still remember exactly what was “in” in 1996.
After all, he had a stressful year back then.
Under his stage name "Tom Cruise" he brought two blockbusters to the cinemas in 1996 with "Mission: Impossible" and "Jerry Maguire".
Lola quickly realizes that such a Tamagochi can be quite exhausting: "Somehow like Llambi".
Your new Llambigotchi is therefore quickly a minor matter.
The jive to their song “Wannabe” doesn't learn by themselves.
Lola Weippert, presenter, and Christian Polanc
Source: dpa / Rolf Vennenbernd
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“Wannabe” goes perfectly with Lola on paper, of course, who always looks a bit like a mixture of Baby Spice and Sporty Spice.
In order to get the song ready to dance for a jive, the cover managers at RTL are transforming the Spice Girls' world hit into a trash-speed metal version of “Atemlos”, sung by Michael Wendler on ecstasy.
A combination that should actually be ruled out by the Geneva Convention.
Regardless, Polanc drags Lola through the cover disaster of a track that is about as suitable for a jive as Hendrik Streeck is for accurate forecasts.
And what else was going on?
Somehow, dancing is like soccer.
In any case, the jury chairman Joachim Llambi remarks: “With the slow ones you can tell whether there is quality in your feet”.
Keyword jury: Do you remember how this sheep overgrown with 35 kilos of wool was found a few days ago in the middle of the Australian bush?
I just say: happy ending!
The sheep has found a happy home and is now living on the head of Jorge González.
Sure, Jorge always looked a bit like an alien, but with this new hairstyle he can now also receive messages from his home planet.
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Candidate Erol Sander, on the other hand, has completely different problems.
He doesn't see himself as a favorite yet.
He is self-critical on the record: "Whoever sees me thinks you look as if you understand zero point zero".
And of course you immediately ask yourself: What, do you look like that?
Actors Erol Sander, actor, and Marta Arndt
Source: dpa / Rolf Vennenbernd
Erol Sander, the greatest romantic among German best-ager actors (alongside Uwe Ochsenknecht), then describes his dance today as a one-night stand: "Ran, Liebe, Raus".
Sounds like a new album by Matthias Schweighöfer, but it is Sander's definition of Viennese waltz.
Incidentally, not to be confused with Sander's definition of Vienna sausages: slaughter, casing pressing, hot water bath.
Which, by the way, fell through as an album title for Matthias Schweighöfer.
Funny, but when it comes to gag density, Kai Ebel is ahead of Erol Sander.
Ebel, who apparently attended some joke seminars with Bernd Stelter after the "Formula 1" break at RTL, consistently calls his Pasodoble Toblerone and has thus documented the competitiveness of German TV humor quite well.
Kai Ebel and Kathrin Menzinger
Source: dpa / Rolf Vennenbernd
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On the surface he then “dances” with the kinetic energy of a pool dance pole, on which Kathrin Menzinger works with some dignity.
But the pasodoble is also difficult.
Ebel himself describes him as the "Pata Negra of dancing".
Ebel seems to know exactly what Spanish ham tastes like.
Everyone now knows how a Spanish ham would dance.
Overall, Ebel's delicate sense of rhythm is reminiscent of “Let's Dance” legend Ulli Potofski.
Ebel, however, is a rampage pig and enjoys appropriate entertainment credit from the jury.
With two times 13 points each from the last two shows, he has almost as many points as Potofski in his eight performances combined.
In order to be able to digest the painful attempt to do the pasodoble as a standing violinist, RTL interrupts the regular dance program with a guest appearance by Maite Kelly.
She sings her new, well, hit "Simply Hello".
By the way, simply stands for the way in which the lyrics were created.
Although it would of course be mean to claim that Maite Kelly actually only stole various song titles from successful hits and strung them together for "Einfach Hello".
A slanderous cheek.
That's not true.
She also stole the melody from “Last Christmas”.
No one in Germany has written more innovatively for a long time.
Most recently, at most, Kalle Rummenigge in his farewell ode to Franz Beckenbauer, when his text consisted largely of around 500 “Thank you”.
Before the viewers begin to ask “Simply why?” Instead of “Simply Hello”, RTL immediately sends the first all-male dance couple in “Let's Dance” history to the show arena: Nicolas Puschmann and Vadim Garbuzov.
Motsi Mabuse is completely euphoric and celebrates Puschmann with an ecstatic “Hollywood Baby”.
Nicolas Puschmann (l), television celebrity, and Vadim Garbuzov
Source: dpa / Rolf Vennenbernd
But Joachim Llambi can also do great cinema.
He uses the electrifying mood after Nicolas Puschmann's outstanding dance to address a personal greeting to his favorite columnist: “Greetings to Marie von den Benken, who had a nice headline last week: If it's right below, you can you do everything upstairs ”.
It remains unclear exactly who this Marie von den Benken is.
She doesn't know Daniel Hartwich either.
And I even asked Claudia Schiffer.
We don't know them.
Nobody in Paris knows them.
Especially not in Cologne-Ossendorf.
Llambi reveals that she was "a journalist from the WORLD".
Which leads Daniel Hartwich to the remark that you cannot be a journalist and write for WELT at the same time.
Being a literary critic and moderating for RTL at the same time works, however.
If you happen to be able to contribute to the clarification, please send relevant information by post to WELT, keyword: Who is Marie von den Benken, Axel-Springer-Straße 65, 10888 Berlin.
Do not forget the franked return envelope, you will receive an autograph card signed by me from Daniel Hartwich.
Tanzmarie with jury member Motsi Mabuse
Source: Marie von den Benken
But back to the basics.
After Nicolas and Vadim, Simon Zachenhuber and Patricija Belousova conquer the MMC Studio, which unfortunately is still open to spectators.
Immediately it becomes clear once more: professional debutante Patricija has won the lottery for RTL.
Hair like an angel, eyes like an ocean, figure like a supermodel.
Oh, and she can dance too.
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If RTL had been allowed to paint a new dance queen after Ekatarina Leonova's farewell, which is still considered dubious, it would probably have been Patricija Belousova.
As a protest about her disembarkation, Ekatarina Leonova is dancing a Böhmermann Foxtrot with Erich Klann parallel to “Let's Dance” (almost in direct quota competition) at “ZDF-Magazin Royale” this evening.
It rises from advertising-financed dance tea-rumble to fee-financed satirical television.
Or as Daniel Hartwich would say: Satire and ZDF, aren't they mutually exclusive?
Boxers Simon Zachenhuber and Patricija Belousova
Source: dpa / Rolf Vennenbernd
Jan Hofer and Christina Luft follow the new hope Patricija.
In training, Hofer always looks a bit like a pensioner doing aqua jogging, just without water.
Their dance to “Red Roses, Red Lips, Red Wine” brings them red light in the end.
Hofer has to tremble, but can rely on a broad fan base.
Ex- "Tagesschau" spokespersons Jan Hofer and Christina Luft
Source: dpa / Rolf Vennenbernd
Valentina Pahde and Valentin Lusin, on the other hand, had a full house last week: a spectacular 30 points.
But with that, of course, a newly adjusted benchmark.
That makes you nervous.
Valentina is so excited she “couldn't even stand on one leg like a stork”.
Fortunately, she is not pregnant because the flamingo brings children.
The jury only scores points and Val and Val experience a crash from 30 to 22. That was only known from the CDU.
At Senna Gammour, the jury is then less satisfied.
Motsi Mabuse even quotes from her cookbook: "If there was attitude above, there was spaghetti Bolognese below".
Joachim Llambi is meanwhile on the trail of another MeToo scandal: “She touched Robert!” The RTL compliance department is alarmed.
And if a scandal beckons somewhere, Jorge González is not far.
He tries to smooth things over with praise to Senna (hihi, "smooth" and "Senna Gammour" in one sentence): "She is not so hard in the face".
That seems like the nicest thing the jury has to say about Senna's dance.
Ilse DeLange receives a lot of praise.
The greatest from Olaf Schubert.
He is so enthusiastic that he even lends Ilse's professional dance partner Evgeny Vinokurov his tank top.
30 points for the Paul Janke double
With Mickie Krause, Motsi Mabuse lets himself be carried away to a judgment that even porn actors often hear: “You always stopped in the middle.
But continuity in the body would have done you good ”.
Keyword sex: Paul-Janke-Double Rúrik Gíslason delivers 30 points.
He would probably have got 40 if the jury trowels allowed such a rating.
Everything is so perfect that even Daniel Hartwich exclaims: “What a board”.
And that doesn't mean his six-pack.
Hardly has Hartwich made himself more popular again with this hymn of praise to the audience's longing Rúrik, when he immediately tears everything down again.
His "at least he starts like a girl" falls on social media, in any case crashing through the Alice Schwarzer sexism check.
No wonder.
Hartwich's saying achieved a stable 12 on the “clichéd role models from the 50s” scale from 1 to 10.
Joachim Llambi saves the evening
Fortunately, Joachim Llambi saved the evening and attested: “Every kick was right.” At first glance, that doesn't seem very surprising, after all, Rúrik is a professional footballer.
On the other hand: Llambi is a fan of MSV Duisburg and therefore hardly familiar with actual professional football.
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But Joachim Llambi also has a smack up his sleeve.
When Mickie Krause and Rúrik Gíslason serenade the newly formed band at the end of the day, he bursts out: "Jorge wants to join in, he can also play the flute".
Everyone laughs - except for Senna.
She receives the fewest calls from viewers and has to leave the show.
The first senna-free episode “Let's Dance” will be available next Friday.
I will report!
Marie von den Benken is on Twitter and Instagram as @Regendelfin, she is from Hamburg, model and author. She also writes every week on ICONIST about the big and small dramas on “Germany's Next Topmodel” and “Let's Dance” (to be seen every Friday on RTL and TVNow).
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