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"My head and me": How to help a loved one suffering from eating disorders?
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20 minutes
“My head and me” is the monthly
20-minute program
dedicated to youth mental health.
The goal of this meeting: to understand certain mental pathologies thanks to the testimonies of young people concerned and to try to find solutions to get better.
In this third issue, we talk about anorexia and overeating, and tips to help a loved one who suffers from an eating disorder.
“My parents were in denial… or maybe they really didn't see what was going on,” Céline Casse still wonders.
The young woman, who suffered from eating disorders (PDD) for fifteen years, is better but she still wonders about the perception that her parents had of her disease.
And for good reason.
The loved ones of people with ACT - anorexia, bulimia or binge eating - are often helpless in the face of the situation of the person they love.
However, the entourage is precious to support the course of care.
Learn about the pathology
Eat only low-calorie foods, exercise excessively or swallow a large quantity of food in a short period of time: each TCA has its mechanisms and symptoms.
If it is difficult to understand what is going on in the head of a loved one suffering from this type of pathology, it is important to learn precisely about it.
On the sites of the French Anorexia Bulimia Federation (FFAB) or the Haute Autorité de santé (HAS), there is a great deal of information on these diseases.
Fact sheets intended for families and people suffering from TCA allow a better understanding of the disorder.
"A poor understanding of the disorder can lead to attitudes which are not adapted towards the loved one and which risk pointing them out in relation to their request for care", immediately warns the child psychiatrist and president of the FFAB, Nathalie Godart. .
Don't minimize the trouble
"We must not minimize the facts by saying" it happens to all of us to eat too much ", warns Céline Casse, founder of the StopTCA platform, which has fought against various TCA for nearly fifteen years.
“These are serious illnesses.
»Anorexia, for example, can lead to serious complications, such as heart problems, perforation of the esophagus or infertility.
Ban reproaches and remarks on the physical
While some relatives can minimize the trouble, others understand the gravity of the situation.
But we still have to know how to approach it.
"My father kept telling me 'you have to eat'," recalls Maugane, who was hospitalized as a result of her anorexia.
Undernourishing or overeating already makes the sick person suffer.
Putting your finger on this symptom only makes the situation worse and may cause the person to withdraw even more.
If we want to help him, then, exit the reproaches, including on the physical.
"Too often still we hear words like" you look like a corpse ", which is violent and unbearable, or conversely," you let yourself go "", laments the child psychiatrist at the Fondation Santé des Étudiants de France.
Offensive and counterproductive remarks.
Talking about the image that the person returns is not a good idea, unless it is done with sufficiently respectful words and if it is to convey the concern to him, specifies the president of the FFAB.
“You don't have to compare your appearance either,” adds the founder of StopTCA.
Even if it may have a good intention, saying "look, I am bigger than you" will not help the sick person "because in the patient's head, it will think," does she want to say that I am too fat, too thin, that I eat too much or not enough? "
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How to manage meals?
Sorting or even hiding the food that is on your plate or refusing to be served by someone other than yourself ... Certain symptoms of the disease often turn family meals into moments of conflict.
“The meal was a moment of suffering for all of us,” recalls Anaïs, who suffered from anorexia from the age of 9 to 21.
“I felt watched by everyone.
My parents wanted to see how much food I swallowed compared to what was put on my plate.
"
The advice: avoid comments on food - again - and try to make meals relaxed.
Do not change your eating habits and do not adapt to the person suffering from a TCA.
"When we start to see that things are going wrong, we must quickly take advice so as not to fall into an over-adaptation of meals, which can be seen as a need but which is a trap," warns the psychiatrist.
Reducing the amount of fat in a dish or serving smaller portions is, for example, not recommended for a person with anorexia.
Bring up the topic at the right time
Sunday lunch is not the ideal time to start the discussion.
Favoring a moment alone with the person remains preferable.
"When you're young you can be awkward and make a remark in front of friends like 'what have you been doing for two hours in the bathroom?'
It is to be avoided ”, slice Céline Casse.
“Approaching the person when they are receptive allows them to approach things with tact,” advises Nathalie Godart.
Start from the suffering of the other by being benevolent
Diet-related issues are the most visible (and the hardest to tackle) but are only part of the disorder.
It is better to take into consideration the overall suffering of the anorexic, bulimic or hyperphagic.
“It is a good idea to start from the observation of something that makes the person suffer.
From there, we can get him to talk about his difficulties around eating and offer him help, ”explains Nathalie Godart.
Social isolation, difficulty concentrating, physical pain: there is no lack of pain points.
What helped Céline Casse, it is especially listening and the absence of judgment of a friend.
“We must show by actions and words that we are not in the judgment, that we can support it.
We must cherish this trust and keep the bond.
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Convince the person to be followed
But that does not mean that the loved one should take the place of the doctor.
Everyone has their own area of expertise.
“When we feel our limits, we have to know how to guide the person towards good professionals”, advises the founder of StopTCA.
To get him to consult, we can find ourselves faced with two situations.
If the person is not aware of their difficulties, we can bring them to light and accompany them to a specialist.
The “Anorexia Bulimia, Info listens” telephone line guides relatives on how to talk about it.
If she is aware of her difficulties but is so ashamed or feels so alone that she cannot initiate the consultation, it may be wise to first talk about the difficulties encountered, then to give addresses and resources. such as those on the HAS and FFAB websites.
Help the person to regain their joie de vivre
Beyond the listening and benevolence that must be shown by a loved one or a patient with PDD, support towards the "return to life" is also important.
“My friends kept inviting me to parties.
I was lucky, ”recalls Maugane.
“Above all, we must not isolate the person because the disease isolates enough already.
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By offering activities that do not revolve around symptoms - diet and sport - the loved one helps the person suffering from an eating disorder to regain pleasure.
“My dad was incredibly supportive,” says Cassie, 28, diagnosed with anorexia nervosa three years ago.
“We have multiplied the activities together.
He pushed me to rediscover life.
Just to stop thinking about my illness for a minute was a real relief.
"A feeling shared by Anaïs, who suffered from anorexia for more than ten years:" I cannot thank the members of my family enough for being so understanding about certain attitudes or remarks that I have held towards them at the time.
It is also thanks to them that I succeeded in being stronger than the disease.
I am well aware of this.
"
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My head and me
Disease
Psychiatry
Anorexia
Society
Food
20 minutes video