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At last, Germans no longer have to worry about whether they can celebrate Easter carefree, where the promised self-tests are available or how risky an injection with the vaccine from AstraZeneca is!
With a measure that was surprisingly successful a year ago, the federal government finally wants to get the population thinking differently.
"The uncertainty about AstraZeneca, the pros and cons of school closings and Karl Lauterbach's new hairstyle - all of this puts a lot of strain on people," admitted Chancellor Angela Merkel when presenting the new regulation, which will come into force immediately.
No more toilet paper
"So that the Germans can concentrate fully on what really matters for them, the federal and state governments have agreed on a provisional, nationwide sales ban for toilet paper throughout Germany," said Merkel, while she was still in the last one under a large thunderstorm of flashlights Germany tore off the available sheet from the roll in the toilet of the Federal Chancellery and let it disappear behind him after use.
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The use of toilet paper in Germany is now to be suspended at least until herd immunity against the novel coronavirus is achieved, but perhaps also beyond the year 2031.
Merkel appoints task force
"That should distract the Germans a little from their current worries and needs," hopes the Chancellor, who relies on the creativity of her fellow citizens: "You can do it!"
The Chancellor has already taken an effective precautionary measure in order to prevent the impending danger that the federal territory will be supplied with the toiletry articles that are ritually revered in Germany despite the ban: a "Task Force Wiping Logistics", headed by Jens Spahn and Andreas Scheuer, is to take care of the procurement of toilets - Take care of paper.
"We can wait a long time," says Merkel optimistically.
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