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Great relief in Germany: It has finally been clarified how things will continue after the announced farewells to Joachim Löw and Angela Merkel!

Instead of taking someone "who has nothing on it except dental plaque", there will be the urgently needed competence offensive in the German national team and in the Chancellery.

If many asked themselves why national coach Joachim Löw and Chancellor Angela Merkel quit at more or less the same point in time (Löw after the European Championship preliminary round, Merkel shortly after the seventh wave), this has now been clarified: They previously had their resignation dates close to that German pop titans and casting show giant Dieter Bohlen voted.

Its broadcaster RTL has now announced that the 67-year-old will be eliminated as a juror for “Deutschland sucht den Superstar” (“DSDS”) and “Das Supertalent”.

Bohlen is not afraid of the challenges

"I would also get five kilos of minced meat in the charts," said Bohlen, as usual, modestly in view of the tasks ahead of him, to get the German national team properly vaccinated and to successfully bring a green-black-sun-tanned coalition to Qatar.

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While the DFB relies on Bohlen's instinct when dealing with young people and hopes for clearer words at press conferences after games like the last one against Spain (“The players hit the ball less than a Peruvian hairless dog has hair on their ass”), the situation is much more dramatic in the Union.

Laschet and Söder reassured

As more and more politicians from the CDU and CSU take their hats due to accusations of self-enrichment, party leaders Armin Laschet and Markus Söder fear that there will soon be no unencumbered Union candidates who are eligible for ministerial posts.

Bohlen as the future Chancellor ("From experience we can say: With the right image processing you can do it," explained RTL) ensures that there is a lot of breathing space.

Bohlen announced that he would fill the cabinet with participants from his “Super Talent” show.

Germans in danger?

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In the meantime, not a few believe that an artificial fart, a penis painter or a dog are at least as suitable for the job as Jens Spahn and Andreas Scheuer.

Nevertheless, football and political experts see Bohlen's name as a great danger for Germany: "What if he sings while playing the national anthem or during the New Year's address?"

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