Chinanews client, Beijing, March 3 (Reporter Shangguanyun) Have you ever felt this way?

Strong sense of inferiority, loneliness and cowardice, choose to escape in interpersonal communication, dare not face problems directly...

  A few days ago, "the specific manifestations of avoidant personality" appeared on the hot search.

Many netizens have said "too real, it feels like I am speaking".

  Many people also expose their "symptoms", such as: "Excessive inferiority in their hearts, not daring to pursue what they like, and feeling unworthy"; "Don't dare to confess their true emotions, true self, when interacting with others , I often feel depressed and wronged"...

Image source: Weibo screenshot

"I thought I was just introverted"

  There is a "avoidance personality disorder" group on Douban. It currently has more than 90,000 members. Some people have posted about the problems they face: easy to remember the voice of criticism and difficult to let go; easy to question and deny themselves because of other people's negative comments.

  "I thought I was just introverted." A netizen shared her story. She mentioned that she is not good at socializing, she does not chat with colleagues, detours when she sees her boss, and her work is not smooth and conflicts with her family, and her parents criticize her. "It's not a good job to be fruitless."

  Below this post, many people sent out "the world is another me (the other me in the world)" and "just the same" emotions.

  "There are many situations in life that are close to'avoidance personality'. For example, those children who are often compared with the children around them, and who do have average academic performance." Sun Daqiang, a teacher at the Student Psychological Quality Education Center of Beijing Jiaotong University, explained.

  "People are afraid of being hurt, but they may not be doing well enough in the main comparison indicators in reality, so they gradually learn to'avoid', avoid those possible harmful environments, and become the masters in their own world."

  In film and television dramas, characters with traces of "avoidant personality" are not uncommon.

Sun Daqiang cites an example. The "Chen Yangyu" in the popular drama "Only Thirty", faced with a strong and domineering leader, had difficulty expressing his will and feelings of depression. He avoided the main battlefield of work and life, and escaped into an illusion where he felt safe. .

  "Human is a kind of'social animal', with the need to interact with others, the motivation to talk to the world and to live together. One of the reasons for avoiding it is to feel the risk and insecurity." He said.

Why did you choose to "evade"?

  How does "avoidance personality" come into being? 

  Song Guangwen, professor of psychology at the Nanguo Business School of Guangdong University of Foreign Studies, said that "avoidance personality disorder" emphasizes a kind of comprehensive social inhibition, that is, it may appear as a kind of "insufficiency" in social life, and it is difficult to cope with unfamiliar environments. Wait.

  The formation of "avoidant personality disorder" often means that it is related to overall mental development and brain development, that is to say, it is related to heredity and nature, and it is also related to the acquired growth environment such as cultural atmosphere.

Image source: Douban screenshot

  The environment in which the native family grew up is equally important.

Song Guangwen analyzed that, for example, some parents have higher requirements for themselves, and they may have the same high standards when raising their children. Once the children fail to meet them, they will easily lead to negative reviews.

  In the process of socialization, people often find their own judgment standards through external evaluations. If one thing is affirmed, they will often stick to it.

But the problem is that not every evaluation is accurate.

  "Academic performance, appearance... Everyone will always behave inferiorly. If parents expect higher values, it will also bring pressure to children." He said that negative emotional disorders may be caused by low self-esteem, or they may It is because of negative reviews.

  It should be noted that people have different needs for social activities and communication after adulthood. Some avoidance tendencies that occasionally occur and target specific occasions and scenes are almost universal and normal.

  Song Guangwen feels that the Internet age has greatly changed people’s lives, and it’s not uncommon for people to live in “houses”. If a person chooses a way of life and is unwilling to participate in too many social activities without affecting the quality of life, in fact, It's all possible.

  "There is no need to'label', but it will lead to unhappiness. People have the right to choose a lifestyle, but it is best to take health as the standard and try not to harm others." He said.

Are these behaviors "avoidance behaviors"?

  However, some calls do not want to answer, and some events do not want to attend... Some similar "avoidance behaviors" or psychology are actually not necessarily the "avoidant personality" mentioned on the Internet, let alone "avoidant personality disorder."

  Peng Kaiping, Dean of the School of Social Sciences of Tsinghua University and Dean of the Department of Psychology of Tsinghua University, introduced that in the book "Manual of Diagnosis and Statistics of Mental Disorders", there is a clear definition of avoidant personality disorder.

  People with "avoidant personality disorder" are often extremely sensitive to negative evaluations, pay attention only to their own shortcomings, often belittle themselves, and even choose to live independently to reduce the chance of contact with other people.

  "From a psychological point of view, as a personality disorder, there are at least three very important criteria: first, long-term tendency; second, rigid tendency, that is, avoidance behavior will not change under any circumstances; third, negative Impact, such as interference with normal work and life, no social interaction, love, progress, etc.," he said.

  Based on a comprehensive analysis, Peng Kaiping believes that the "avoidance behavior" cited by many people is not an "avoidance personality", let alone a "obstacle", but a choice of self-protection for a specific situation.

Image source: Screenshot of Weibo comment

  "For example,'unwilling to be evaluated' is a natural ability of people. To give a simple example, people who want to'PUA' others will often give negative comments. Of course we have to avoid such people." Peng Kaiping explained.

How to get rid of "avoidant personality"?

  In Song Guangwen's opinion, the topic of "avoidance personality" has been searched hotly, indicating that many people are concerned about or want to get rid of such unsatisfactory interpersonal life.

As far as parents are concerned, children should be guided from an early age to learn how to properly express emotions and form a more correct self-cognition.

  "If you feel that your'avoidance tendency' is very serious, you should seek psychotherapy as soon as possible. In daily life, from the perspective of positive psychology, there are also corresponding solutions to the psychological inferiority problems of'avoidance personality disorder'. "Peng Kaiping proposed, first, in the face of inferiority complex, you can overcome it by exploring your own talent and unique charm.

  "Second, to overcome the cowardice and cowardice, there are some skills that can be used, such as proactively greeting, the first to speak, etc." Peng Kaiping believes that courage can be shaped and cultivated.

  Love is a kind of positive psychology possessed by human beings, and it plays an important role in eliminating inner loneliness.

He said that cultivating good interpersonal relationships, positive social networks, and obtaining support and pleasure from them are also important ways to overcome "avoidance" behaviors.

  Don't pay too much attention to other people's negative comments. There is not only one kind of valuable life.

Peng Kaiping believes that society needs talents with various talents. We must believe that the most important thing in life is not to pursue "perfection", but to have enough unique charm. When we get enough love and support, "avoid" this kind of Most of the behavior will naturally dissipate.

(Finish)