Thursday in "Sans Rendez-vous", the sexologist and psychoanalyst Catherine Blanc answers the question of a listener whose child has returned from school with a surprising question: her little boy asked her the meaning of the verb "ass fuck ".

Children's questions about sexuality are a common experience for all parents and they often catch them off guard.

Thursday, in the program "Sans Rendez-vous", Catherine Blanc addresses this moment after a question from Cynthia, listener of Europe 1. Her boy was confronted with the term "ass fuck" that one addressed to him personally like an insult .

For the sexologist and psychoanalyst it is important to answer the child's questions and explain the word and its context to him.

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Cynthia's question

"My 11 year old son came home from school telling me that a slightly older boy told him 'I'm going to fuck you' during a fight. He doesn't know what that means at all. say, he asked me for an explanation. I'm a little uncomfortable, what should I have said to him? "

Catherine Blanc's response

All parents can be faced with this kind of situation.

These questions from children on sexuality are legitimate and even desirable: they are proof of good communication and of the trust reigning between the child and his parents.

However, this does not fail to encumber parents who are suddenly taken by the suddenness of the questioning.

Beyond the fact that his questioning relates to sexuality, the child is here confronted with particularly violent words.

How to react to these questions from children?

For parents, destabilization can often lead to a form of aggression, because they are tempted to reprimand their child: "We don't say that at home!"

But the child has already suffered from the aggression of one of his friends at school.

The object of the game is not to add to the aggressiveness by clumsiness.

The least thing, no matter how difficult certain words are, is to explain the meaning of the word.

How to explain that this word is so difficult to explain even though it appears in the dictionary?

Its presence in the dictionary is not enough to understand it: the child wants to know why his comrade sent him in the face.

It is important to tell your child that it is normal that he does not know the word and that the person who said it probably does not know it either.

It is precisely a sulphurous word, because relating to sexuality and buttocks.

His boyfriend therefore sought to destabilize him, to make the term an expression of power: it is a question of putting the other in a situation of inferiority on the one hand by confronting him with his ignorance and on the other hand by sending him in the face of the words pigs and vulgar.

While sexuality in itself is not a humiliation, here it takes the other by surprise: symbolically, it is a kind of rape because we enter into an intimacy when the other does not expect it and does not want to.

Moreover, this expression actually means: "I reduce you to the state of a girl."

Just as the accusation of homosexuality is one way of subduing the other.

If we explain the meaning of the insult, should we fear that the child will repeat it?

Above all, you must not punish the child.

You just have to make him understand that he doesn't have to use that word either now that he has understood it.

If he now knows the meaning, many little boys and girls are not in this case.

Above all, this insult cannot be said and is out of context.

It is a way of introducing the notion of respect into the verb, in the same way that one teaches that one should not hit or push.

The verbal blows are as violent as the physical blows, that is why it is very important to learn the direction of them.