Reporter: Yu Zhanyi
"The girl is 28 this year, and one person earns money and the other spends; next year, the girl is 29, hurry up and find a boyfriend." This is a line of urging parents in the Spring Festival Gala sketch of the Year of the Ox. The worries and helplessness of being urged to marry by parents have resonated with many netizens.
Screenshot of the snippet of the Spring Festival Gala sketch of the Year of the Ox
During the Spring Festival in previous years, as long as they did not go home, single men and women could basically escape a wave of "urging marriages"; however, in the context of over 100 million people across the country this year, many "primitives" found that parents "Cloud urges marriage" one after another, and social media is becoming an important channel for urging marriage.
"Compared to the parents in the Spring Festival Gala, my parents are even better!" Mr. Chen, born in the 90s who celebrated the Chinese New Year in Beijing, told a reporter from Chinanews.com.
"Even if they are not together during the Spring Festival, my parents are always inquiring about the personal situation of the opposite sex around me. They posted photos of their friends' children at their hometown in Moments, with the text'I don't know when it will be our family's wedding.' "Mr. Chen said, "I don't know if I should like my parents' circle of friends, so I can only pretend that I didn't see it. In fact, I am under a lot of work pressure, and I can't invest too much in falling in love."
Similar to Mr. Chen's situation, Miss Dong will celebrate the New Year on the spot in Shenzhen this year.
During the Spring Festival, a girl of the same generation married in her hometown. In the past few days, her parents and relatives used social software to bombard her to remind her, "This bride is younger than you."
Facing the "cloud urged marriage", Miss Dong deeply felt that she and her parents might not be on the same "talk channel".
"I am 28 years old this year and have always planned to quit my job to study abroad. I didn't go home during the Spring Festival this year, but my parents did not rush. The truthful words of'not considering getting married for the time being' always felt impossible to speak to them."
Looking at social media, "cloud urges marriage" is becoming one of the high-frequency words that netizens complain about these days.
"The annual New Year's greetings in the cloud, cloud urge marriage is the most deadly!" "Do you think you can escape without going home? The video "Cloud urge marriage" arranged for you clearly!" "Before relatives gathered around the table. Say, now I’m talking video one by one."...
Behind the "cloud urged marriage" during the local Chinese New Year is the eager expectation of many families for their children to marry and start a family, but young people also have difficulties.
According to surveys, problems such as high work pressure, lack of time to socialize, accustomed to independent living, and the cost of getting married are becoming the main obstacles for single men and women to get married.
In fact, in recent years, with the decline in the total number of marriageable population, changes in marriage concepts, and the increase in the number of years of education for young people, the marriage rate in China has declined year by year.
According to the "Statistical Bulletin of Civil Affairs Development in 2019" issued by the Ministry of Civil Affairs, 9.273 million pairs of marriage registrations were legally processed in 2019, a decrease of 8.5% over the previous year.
It is not only single men and women who are not eager to get married, but some couples also choose to stop at the "cohabitation state."
Mr. Wang and his girlfriend both work in Beijing and have lived together for more than 5 years. Although the relationship has been very stable, there is no plan to get married in the short term.
"Once you get married, the urging of marriage by both parents will immediately be upgraded to'initiate birth.' Before you are ready for childbirth, it is better to let your parents continue to urge the marriage!" Mr. Wang told a reporter from China News.
How should young people balance their parents' "urging too much" and their own "do not want to end"?
With regard to this issue, Tong Xin, a professor in the Department of Sociology at Peking University, is particularly concerned about the impact of changes in marriage concepts in recent years on people entering marriage.
In cities, many post-80s and post-90s are only children. They will be "de-gendered" in the process of growing up and receiving education. Parents expect them to be more independent, open, tolerant and modern. The city atmosphere also provides them with a better living environment and development space.
For example, many people no longer marry for "marriage", no longer marry for "passing on from generation to generation," and women no longer aim to rely on men for their lives. This is one of the important reasons for late marriage.
Under these circumstances, whether the parents’ "cloud urging of marriage" can produce an effect is actually a question mark.
"In many rural areas, there are still more men than women. In addition, many young men go out to work and are not at home all the year round. It is easy to ignore marital problems. Therefore, rural male parents are more anxious about marriage issues and are more likely to urge blind dates. , Urge marriage." Tong Xin said.
She reminded that when it comes to marriage, rushing parents too quickly is often counterproductive.
In some places in the past few years, there was even such ridicule as "renting a girlfriend (boyfriend) home for the New Year".
Parents should fully respect the wishes of their children. After all, marriage is about young people living by themselves, and choosing the right life partner is the correct view of marriage.
Wei Shaoling, a lawyer from Beijing Jingshi Law Firm, said that “cloud urging marriage” should not be too eager, otherwise it will easily lead to marriage disputes.
For example, some young men and women have a weak emotional foundation when they get married, and they do not have much savings and shared property. Most of the real estate and wedding expenses are gifts from both parents.
Once the marriage breaks down, there will be many disputes and even intensified conflicts on the characterization and division of property.
In recent years, such cases are not uncommon.
On the other hand, Tong Xin said that young people should also understand more about the mentality behind their parents' frequent "cloud urges to marry".
Many people feel a lot of pressure when they mention "urging marriage". In fact, most parents will never force their children to get married at random. The initiative of whether to marry is ultimately in the hands of their children.
During the Spring Festival, some social software that focuses on blind dates and love provides a platform for single men and women who celebrate the Chinese New Year "cloud blind date", allowing people to overcome geographical barriers and space constraints to pull in distance and try to get to know each other.
Tong Xin reminded that "cloud blind date" must grasp the "degree", on the one hand, you can keep an open mind to meet new friends, on the other hand, you must also enhance your discrimination ability, keep your head clear, and beware of being deceived.