Chinanews client, Beijing, February 6th (Reporter Ren Siyu) I believe that many people had a dream when they were young:
When I wake up, my parents smiled and said to you: "Baby, our family is actually very rich. We used to lie to you."
However, this moment has not waited until now.
And after years of social experience, we finally began to accept reality.
Recently, the new topic of "Qihua Shuo" has caused a heated discussion on the Internet-"Should parents tell their children that the family is not rich", many people say that this topic evokes memories of their childhood.
Source: Video screenshot.
"You just grow up easily"
Before the start of this debate, the views on both sides of "should tell" and "should not tell" support the numbers evenly.
There were 50 parents and 50 children in the audience. What is interesting is that when Ma Dong asked the parents, only one parent raised his hand and thought that "should not tell", and most of the parents felt that "you should tell";
When asked about the children, only a few children thought "should tell", most of them chose "should not tell", and Li Dan ridiculed: "You like to live in your dreams, right."
Source: Video screenshot.
Subsequently, the two sides fought for several rounds.
The positive side believes that parents should tell that it is better to let their children know the truth as soon as possible, rather than a false pretense; the negative side believes that it is best not to tell, and should not put pressure on children who grow up carefree.
For example, "Princess Tieling Petroleum" Zhang Daling thinks that you should not tell your children directly. One of the reasons is because "When you tell your children that you are not rich, it is not a pure education, but a life The catharsis of negative energy."
Source: Video screenshot.
She gave an example of buying ice cream. In the past, when the family's financial situation was bad, her daughter wanted to ask her for a somewhat expensive ice cream. She bought it out of vanity, but her daughter stopped eating after two bites.
At that moment, she broke down emotionally, and in front of many people, she furiously faced her daughter: "Do you know how difficult it is for parents? Do you know that our family has no money at all? I can't bear to buy this ice cream for you. You are so wasteful..."
The daughter who was less than three years old was frightened and cried. She tugged at the corner of her clothes and said mother was sorry, then poured the ice cream into her mouth.
But it wasn't until after returning home that I stepped on the bell and found that my daughter's ears were inflamed, and it was very painful when she swallowed things, but she couldn't explain it clearly.
Only then did she understand, "The child came to this world and never asked me anything. What qualifications do I have to vent to the child because I have not lived a satisfactory life for myself."
"Being a parent once, I have more than her, isn't it just the ability to regulate my emotions a little bit?" "The frustration of adults is left to the parents themselves, and you just grow up easily."
Real inferiority complex is better than false confidence
In the opinion of Fu Seoul, the prosperous debater, not being rich is not being poor, not being rich is not having enough money to spend, just like thunder and rain, this is a natural phenomenon.
In addition, when parents tell their children, they are often kind. If they are told by others, it may be mocking. So choose the most gentle way to tell the children the real situation at home.
The surprise Cai Kangyong asked her: "You are great, but in 99% of families, mothers are not as good at expressing as you."
Fu Seoul immediately asked: Shouldn't parents who can't express themselves tell the family the truth?
Cai Kangyong said that he could discuss how to express it. Fu Seoul replied that if the expression is correct, he should tell the child that his family is not rich.
She believes that true inferiority is worse than false self-confidence. Instead of letting children suffer from gains and losses in asylum, it is better to teach them to face gains and losses calmly.
Source: Video screenshot.
But the fun of watching a debate is that when you are just persuaded by one side, the views of the other side immediately open up new ideas for you.
For example, the words of the debater Xi Rui hit the hearts of many audiences:
In many cases, "the family is not rich" is just a complaint.
But when these complaints are too much, in the eyes of the child, the child will feel that he is the cause of the parents' lack of wealth, and inadvertently make them feel owed in the family relationship.
"One come and two, there is no intimacy in the family relationship, and all that is left is the pressure of calculation."
Source: Video screenshot.
He used a book "The Essence of Poverty" as an example. In addition to giving people a habit, the most terrifying part of poverty also brings people a poor way of thinking. Poor people tend to spend resources on instant gratification. , While ignoring long-term development.
"Telling the child that his family is not wealthy does not make him work harder. It will only make him less confident, because it is narrowing his vision. Prematurely set the landscape of life for the child, they have not crossed the mountains, rivers and seas, or even at all I can't imagine the mountains, rivers and seas. At the age of 20, I regard ordinary as the only answer in my life."
How to communicate is more important
When this topic aroused heated discussion, we also launched a small survey. Of the nearly 50,000 people who participated in the voting, nearly half of them believed that they “should” tell, and another option equivalent to it was “Do you think the child himself Can't you feel it?"
Source: Weibo screenshot.
Many netizens have talked about their childhood experiences. In fact, children can perceive family environment and economic pressure at certain moments.
"It's not a question of not telling it at all. How could a poor child in the family not know it? The real problem is how to let him know with what attitude and method, and how to tell the child how to face poverty correctly." Some netizens said.
In "The Disappearance of Childhood", Neil Bozeman once wrote that in the past, children were separated from the adult world, but in the age of video, all the information of adults is being transmitted to children, dreaming Disturbing childhood is an illusion.
Source: Video screenshot.
Therefore, this is also the focus of this debate, both the pros and the cons are pointing at-the way of communication is very important.
Huang Zhizhong said that he was impressed when he saw a sentence on the Internet. The most uncomfortable thing about Chinese family relationships is that they refuse to communicate in person, give silently behind their backs, and then call the situation that one party is kept in the dark as moved.
Fu Shouer wrote: "Repeatedly stressing family difficulties with children and exerting endless pressure on children. From the perspective of modern education, it is definitely wrong. Even if I stand upright, I must admit this. It is the wrong way of communication that caused it. The two generations do not understand each other and even resent each other, so this debate is so hot."
Source: Video screenshot.
Some netizens also put forward different views on the topic. In fact, they are not rich and may not necessarily be tied to inferiority complex.
However, on the path of growth, few people have experienced the stage of receiving wealth education and establishing a concept of money.
Cai Ming said that you can tell your child in another way and let him feel that although the family is not rich now, it is understandable that parents have done their best for themselves.
"When I cannot meet his requirements, I will tell him that although you are a child, you are also an important member. I hope you can help me share the burden. I hope he should feel that he is needed."
Source: Video screenshot.
Another netizen also commented: "I have always wanted to cover up, wanting to make children happy and happy, but I really can't cover it up. Over the past two years, I have chosen to face it truthfully. Let the children understand that desire is endless and parents cannot. To meet your requirements endlessly, we can only provide what we can. The things we want can only be obtained through our own efforts, not everything is taken for granted."
In fact, wealth is a relative concept. Family background can determine a momentary state of mind, but it cannot determine the life of a lifetime.
As Li Dan said, being rich or not is not that important, but you need to know what the reality is, and then pursue and do the right thing.
(Finish)