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The journey from the east of Cologne to the city center takes twenty minutes.
And every single one of these 20 minutes is filled with the loud moaning of the older couple in the foursome to my left.
From the neighbor to the butcher, everyone gets their fat off.
The atrocities range from “not calling for two weeks” to “looking weird”.
If one complains, the other agrees, the choreography is strictly timed.
Sometimes they rock so high that they screech.
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It would be presumptuous to claim that only Germans like to complain.
For example, I, descendant of Syrian immigrants, love to complain.
Even if I know it's completely stupid.
Everything can become the object of grumbling: stopped trains, the weather, voice recordings in group chat.
Unfortunately, complaining doesn't have a good reputation.
Studies show that too much grumbling and the associated focus on negative things can be harmful to your health.
It is better to think positively if possible.
The Belgian Ministry of Health even ordered a 30-day complaint detox for its people in 2018.
The hashtag #positivevibesonly is popular on Instagram.
Right now, in times of the Corona crisis, one should reflect on the essentials and be grateful.
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This feel-good mentality annoys me.
After all, everyone knows how humble it is to be cooped up at home all the time.
I can no longer hear the talk about this forced deceleration that this quarantine is supposed to bring with it.
(Aaah, that was good.)
In an interview with the Cologne psychologist Andreas Steiner, I found out that complaining is an expression of inner dissatisfaction and that sometimes it is allowed out.
Everyone does blow off steam.
The many terms for it provide an indication of the deep roots of grumbling in our communication.
Here is a German selection: swearing, nagging, whining, gossiping, blaspheming, puking.
The Freiburg novelist Hans-Martin Gauger dedicated a book to the whole thing: “The Moist and the Dirty”.
Liam Gallagher, singer in the band Oasis, has even made complaining his trademark.
Very few sentences from the British do without curses.
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Bleating or swearing is human and clears up our soul.
But not only that, according to a study from 2009, swearing can even relieve pain.
However, as with all beautiful things in life: be moderate.
If you complain too much, you run the risk of becoming a chronic complainer, and if you are not a charismatic singer in a legendary rock band, you quickly catapult yourself into social failure:
(Chronic complainers) permanently expect evil, always assume that people are the worst or have the opinion that the whole world owes them something and that they are entitled to privileges.
Andreas Steiner, psychologist
So grumbling to yourself is okay, it gets difficult when the grumbling becomes chronic or is aimed at a person.
But there are also differences here.
Andreas Steiner tells me that when you complain in a conversation you have to distinguish between vulgar insults and factual grumbling.
This is a very important difference: Insulting aims to deliberately degrade people, while grumbling expresses displeasure with a situation.
Source: Getty Images / Westend61
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According to the psychologist, the latter is one reason why complaining people annoy us: They point us to wrongdoing.
And mistakes are usually uncomfortable for us.
Without the complainers, many would not know what they are doing wrong.
Another point for us.
In addition, grumbling acts as a social glue.
You are never closer than when you complain about a topic to your heart's content.
Even slight gossip about others can strengthen cohesion.
Grumbling is also good if you don't overdo it.
A maxim that you can live well by.
Also: how boring would it be if people only talked about what is great and beautiful in the world?
Just.
This article was first published in April 2020.