In "Sans Rendez-vous", the sex therapist and psychoanalyst Catherine Blanc responds to Angèle.

The latter notes that her husband's depression has fueled her jealousy and who blames her for each of her delays.

She wonders how to reassure him so that he stops his behavior.

>> Depression is an ordeal for those who are victims of it but also for those around them.

The lack of self-confidence that depression causes can affect others, as is the case with Angela.

For the sexologist and psychoanalyst Catherine Blanc, this jealousy is due to the fact "that he sees her all the same enjoying life, which he feels incapable of".

But as she explains at the microphone of "Sans Rendez-vous", it is not necessary to agree "in its direction so that it does not become tyrannical but to accompany it in the care".

Angela's question

"My husband has been quite depressed for a few months and suddenly, in addition to his moody temper, he becomes extremely jealous of me. As soon as I do not come home at the exact time he expects me, he thinks that I am with me. another man. How do I reassure him because I think it is mostly he who lacks self-confidence? "

Catherine Blanc's response

"When you're depressed, you lose all momentum. The principle of depression is to lose the taste for things, for life, for desire, for sexuality, for everything. However, desire in the broad sense, c is fundamentally what allows us to move forward and have a project for ourselves, to be ambitious for ourselves. So, from the moment this desire is extinguished, we find ourselves completely an object of the situation, of the context, of others.

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This refers to something very regressive: a position of a child who is not able to satisfy himself and who is desperately waiting for mother to feed him, change him, etc.

By being depressed, he is in a relationship of dependence on his wife.

Any absence of his wife, who enjoys life, from the outside, and therefore potentially from another man, is badly lived because he does not feel that he is a man nor in the capacity to provide for himself.

Can one suddenly become jealous without the other having made a mistake?

Yes, jealousy tells of his failure to him.

Even if she hasn't made the slightest deviation, he still sees her enjoying life, which he feels incapable of.

So this enjoyment is by definition a deception.

This is where this jealousy is born.

It is absolutely not necessarily driven by events.

It is enough that she was happy to have lunch with friends or with a collaborator.

Anyway, everything becomes sexual since he feels completely destroyed in the perception of his virility and his role as an adult and a man. 

Will giving in to its demands improve things or should we oppose it?

To come to attention would be to turn his depressive state into a tyrannical state.

If we follow the parallel of the child, it would be to let him become a tyrannical child and he will never be peaceful.

So there is absolutely no point in arriving on time since, anyway, his depressive state gives him a distorted view of the relationship and the real.

You don't have to do it on purpose either.

If I say I'm home at 8pm, I do.

Now, if it's 8:10 p.m., too bad.

We reassure the other, we warn him to put him to safety, of course.

But if, then, we are greeted with grimace and growing anxiety, it's important to be able to say that the reaction is disproportionate, to tell him that he feels depressed.

We do not agree with his direction so that he does not become tyrannical but we accompany him in the care.