Actively pursue happiness, but don’t stick to tradition and secularity——
When it comes to marriage, young people are in charge (China Youth Watch①)
Our reporter Qiao Cai
"The young generation has ideals, skills, and responsibilities, the country has a future, and the nation has hope." In the nationwide fight against the new crown pneumonia epidemic in 2020, Chinese young people have the responsibility and are not afraid of hardships. They have demonstrated their high spirits with practical actions. Style and appearance, won the praise of the whole society.
Nowadays, the main body of young people has gradually become "post-90s", "post-95s" or even "post-00s". The "little princesses" and "little emperors" that people called back then began to emerge and shine in society.
A generation has the opportunity and mission of a generation.
Contemporary young people are more assertive and independent. They begin to influence the family, society, country and the world in their own way.
This newspaper will launch a series of reports on "China Youth Watch" today, letting you appreciate the youthfulness of the new era.
"Is the phone not fun or the drama is not easy to follow? Why do I have to fall in love?" "I don't want to fall in love, I just want to make money" "If I don't fall in love, there will be no troubles"... For love, there are often young people on the Internet. Ruthless".
As a result, many people ask questions such as "What kills the love of young people?" "Can young people still fall in love?" and other questions. The young people's view of marriage and love has received widespread attention from society.
Social transformation and economic development are reshaping young people’s views on love and marriage and their behaviors.
Compared with the previous generation, how has the attitude of today's youth towards marriage and love changed?
When choosing a spouse, do you value spiritual fit or material conditions more?
Do young people really no longer yearn for love?
The reporter's survey found that young people's cognition of marriage and love is in the overlap of old and new concepts, open and conservative coexist, and different concepts of marriage and love collide with each other, reflecting the young generation's outlook on life and values.
From "fate marriage" to "love marriage"
"It's almost 30, don't you have a partner?" "When will you get married?" "It's almost done, don't pick so fine."... During the holidays, young people who go back to visit relatives will always receive from the Seventh Aunt. The "marriage greetings" of the eighth aunt.
However, the gradually mature "post-90s" and "post-95s" are often unmoved by the enthusiasm of the "marriage urging army".
According to data from the Ministry of Civil Affairs, since 2013, the national marriage rate has declined year by year, and in 2019 it was only 6.6‰, and the more developed the economy, the lower the marriage rate.
"If you meet the right person, you will fall in love and get married; if you haven't met, why not be alone?" When talking about love and marriage, the "post-90s" boy Xiao Hao behaved very "Buddha".
He has never been in a relationship, and thinks that it is a small probability to meet the ideal love. "It may be difficult to get married at the age required by his parents."
"Love needs luck." The girl Xiaoshu sighed the same as Xiao Hao.
When she was a student, she once met someone who thought she was right, but in the end she couldn't go on.
After joining the work, I have also met someone who likes me, but Xiaoshu has not been able to move his heart.
At the age of 27, Xiaoshu has become more mature and rational, "I know what I want, but I won't force it." Now she is actively improving herself, "If I can't find someone who wants me to enter a marriage , Just cultivate yourself stronger."
There are many young people who hold similar views.
According to a survey conducted by the Population Research Institute of Fudan University, more than 70% of young people do not believe that "people must get married in their lifetime", and more than half insist that "only those who like them will get married".
Why is there such a change in young people's view of marriage and love?
Shen Yifei, associate professor of the Department of Sociology of Fudan University, introduced two concepts for us: In the past, the society emphasized family interests, and the survival of individuals was mainly dependent on the family. The meaning of marriage was mainly to pass on the family line. Therefore, the past marriages were mostly “fate marriages”; while in contemporary society Pay more attention to individual interests. People no longer pursue survival but a better life. The meaning of marriage is mainly to achieve personal happiness. Therefore, marriage in modern society is called "love marriage."
"This is determined by the economic foundation and social and cultural development."
"People don't have to get married to be happy, so marriage becomes a choice. Young people will judge whether they are happy to be married or happy to be single. If marriage does not make him happy, then he may not want marriage." Shen Yifei said.
In the opinion of psychological observer Zhou Ruoyu, an important reason why young people are reluctant to enter marriage is that young people are under greater pressure.
"If you have a child, you have to think more about the child's upbringing, education, housing and other things, and the quality of life may decline. In contrast, a person's life is more comfortable." Zhou Ruoyu said.
Blind date is easy but difficult to get along
Although it is different from the traditional view of marriage and love that "life must be married", the acceptance of traditional forms of marriage and love such as blind dates among contemporary young people is not low.
Many interviewees said that they have had a blind date.
Xiao Hou, who got married last year, met his current wife through a blind date.
"I didn't think too much at the time, I thought it would be nice to make friends. I didn't expect to meet and find that two people can talk very well, and they slowly get together."
However, contemporary young people have different views on the traditional criteria for choosing a spouse.
In August 2020, the "Post-95" Social Concepts and Social Relations Survey Report released by the Chinese Academy of Social Sciences showed that in terms of mate selection, young people are most concerned about free marriage and love factors, such as "personality compatible" and "personal qualities".
Least cares about traditional etiquette and convention factors, such as "concepts of every household" and "views of family members/friends".
"Post-95" girl Yu Tian told reporters that her family once introduced herself to a blind date with good external conditions. She was more suitable for education, work, and family, but she always felt that she was not speculative.
"When I met, I wore high heels and couldn't walk fast. The other party kept walking in front. I didn't mean to wait for me at all. Later I never saw him again." Yutian said.
Xiaojie, a "post-95" boy, also shared his blind date with reporters: "Our parents are very familiar with each other, so they brought us together. Everyone around us found it suitable, but we never called."
Now, more and more young people are paying more attention to "getting well" with their partners.
"The so-called'combination' means that two people can find a harmonious emotional relationship mode, so that it can last long." Zhou Ruoyu analyzed.
Some young people believe that similar growth experiences are more likely to "get together."
Recently, the "985 Blind Date Bureau" has aroused heated discussion on the Internet. Many graduates of "985 colleges and universities" are more inclined to find people with the same academic qualifications as their own.
Xiaoshu, who participated in the "985 Blind Date", believes that although academic qualifications are not equated with character, it is linked to growth experience and insights. With a close academic qualifications, it is easier to find a common language and meet like-minded people.
In the opinion of Xiao Hao, who also graduated from "985 College", "Interesting Soul" is more important, "As long as the other person is a person with ideas, two people can communicate spiritually, is it a graduate of "985 College" it is not important."
The instability of modern social life and economic pressure also affect young people's views on marriage and love.
The "Post-95s" Social Concepts and Social Relations Survey Report shows that in terms of reasons for marriage, the "post-95s" most hoped for marriage is "because of love", but only 15% of "post-95s" are willing to give up bread for love. And money.
It can be seen that young people are pursuing love, but they still need a realistic material basis. They are not willing to go to extremes in the choice of "moon" or "sixpence".
Yutian hopes that his significant other may not have a house or a car, but at least have a stable income.
"If two people get more embarrassed after starting a family, what is the point of getting married?" she said.
"Good feelings are constantly running in."
For some time, as a paid emotional experience service, "virtual lovers" have appeared on various online platforms, attracting many young people.
Accompanying to chat, being a couple for a day, playing games with each other, sleeping with gentleness, etc., "virtual lovers" are becoming one of the most popular online consumption methods for many young people.
Xiao Wang, who has experienced the "virtual lovers" service, introduced that he was looking for virtual lovers mainly because he could not find a suitable object in reality and wanted to experience the feeling of love.
"Although the two people have no face-to-face contact, the spiritual communication is very satisfying, and sometimes they do feel warm and encouraging."
In Shen Yifei's view, the reason why "virtual lovers" are so popular is that young people don't know how to deal with intimacy.
"Today, while we are pursuing self-presentation in love, we do not want ourselves to be affected in the relationship between the sexes. But the problem is that intimacy means that two people build the concept of'we' together, and want to be unaffected by themselves. It's difficult." Shen Yifei said, "Virtual lovers can just preserve themselves and reduce the risk of uncertainty."
However, "virtual lovers" are unreal after all and cannot replace real emotions.
So, how should young people view love and marriage correctly?
In his "Sociological Love Thinking Class", Shen Yifei suggested that single young people should not blindly pursue "Mr Right", but use the logic of exclusion, re-examine their surroundings, and find people who suit them.
"Good feelings are constantly running in. Young people should not be too idealistic about love and marriage. They should try more to understand what kind of person suits them." Zhou Ruoyu said.
In addition to the efforts of young people, society should also actively guide and help young people to better handle intimate relationships.
For example, encourage subject experts such as psychologists and scholars to give more guidance, convey correct psychological and emotional knowledge to young people, and guide them to find the correct mode of coexistence between the sexes.
In Zhou Ruoyu’s view, modern society attaches too much importance to the cultivation of the next generation. It is hoped that the society can reduce the pressure on parents, so that young people will have less doubts and even fears about getting married and having children. At the same time, parents should understand more about young people’s marriage and love attitudes, and less Intervention.