The phenomenon of “two marriages” in Jiangsu and Zhejiang: is it “two parents” or “two dizzy”
The "two-headed marriage" of husbands and wives, with the "two-headed family name", resolves the dilemma of "single-female households", such as inheritance and support for the elderly. It is becoming more and more accepted and brings some new problems.
Our reporter Shang Yiying, Zhang Xuan, Li Ping
"Never marry or marry" and "two families fight together". After the young couple get married, they still maintain a certain degree of "stickiness" with their original families. At the same time, they generally have two children, and each family has a surname... This is called " "Two-to-one marriage" has become popular in Jiangsu, Zhejiang and a few cities in the central and western regions, and has quietly changed the family and social relations that have been passed down for thousands of years in China.
According to expert analysis, this type of marriage is related to the regional economic development and the previous population policy, especially from the needs of only-child families who want the surname to continue.
At the same time, the two-child policy provides a realistic opportunity for the "two-head marriage" epidemic.
Our country has a vast territory and huge cultural differences. People from all walks of life are also arguing about the phenomenon of "two-headed marriage". Some people say that this is a "two-to-two relationship", while some people say it is "two dizziness."
So, will the new form of marriage affect the relationship between husband and wife?
Living with their parents, will young couples lack independence and responsibility?
One family, one surname, how can children's identification with family identity and the emotion of brothers and sisters be guaranteed?
"Two-to-one marriage" requires "two babies". Does a woman lose the autonomy of having a baby?
In this regard, Xinhua Daily Telegraph reporters talked with practitioners and experts of "two-head marriage" in order to show the real "two-head marriage".
"I am the only daughter in my family, I don't want to marry out"
Minfeng Village in the western suburbs of Hangzhou is 5 kilometers away from Hangzhou Future Technology City and Taobao City.
As the city develops, it is facing a drastic change from "from village to city".
Xiaoxiao and her husband are both villagers in Minfeng Village. “It takes only 5 minutes to get from my in-law’s home to my own home.” Xiaoxiao said that after she married her husband in 2010, she had two daughters, the oldest is 10 years old. The little one is 7 years old.
According to the pre-marriage agreement, the eldest daughter is named Xiaoxiao, and the second daughter is named after her husband.
"Having two children, each with their parents' surnames" is an important feature of "two-head marriage".
"When we were in love, I asked him whether he agreed to implement'two-to-one marriage'. He went back and discussed with his parents a few days before agreeing." Xiaoxiao said, "I am the only daughter in the family and I don't want to marry. When I go out, I don’t like looking for a son-in-law. The “marriage of two ends” is quite good, and the form is more neutral."
In Xiaoxiao's view, the most important thing about "two-to-one marriage" is prior consultation.
Communication between the two parties and the enlightenment of the parents are the key-as long as the two parties have discussed in advance, the parents will not interfere too much in the life of the couple and the education of the children after the marriage, and the two parties will abide by the child's naming rights contractually, and "two-head marriage" can also be very harmonious.
In 2011, the liberalization of the dual-simple and two-child policy provided a policy opportunity for "two-head marriage".
Xiaoqi's high school classmate, Xiaoqi, is also from the village. She and her husband also practice "marriage at both ends".
When the wedding was held in 2011, Xiaoqi's husband had prepared some dowry, but Xiaoqi's family refused.
The man does not mention the bride price, and the woman does not do the dowry.
The "marriage at both ends" changed the old concept of "the water thrown out by the daughter who married out" in the past, and the daughter is still the pillar and gateway of the original family.
Because "marriage at both ends" is a popular practice in the local area, the communication cost between the two parties is very low, and it is almost a matter of course.
"In Minfeng Village, the villagers adopt the dual-line marriage and childbirth system of "two-headed marriage" and children's "two-headed surname" to adjust the dilemma of inheritance, support for the elderly, and inheritance of property in the family of "single-daughter households". This has become A very common choice in the local area." said Zhao Chunlan, a lecturer at the School of Marxism, Zhejiang International Studies University.
Minfeng Village is Zhao Chunlan's field observation point. Her research found that among the "post-80s" married people here, the proportion of "two-headed marriage" exceeds 70%.
Zhao Chunlan interviewed more than 20 "two-headed marriage" families. She summarized several characteristics of "two-headed marriage": one is that the couple gave birth to two children, and they had negotiated in advance and each family had a surname; the other was that the man did not have a bride price. The woman does not give out a dowry; third, the female hukou will not move out, and continue to play the masculine social role of the native family (such as ancestor worship, etc.); fourth, after getting married, the couple (including children) take turns to live in the man’s or the woman’s home for a period of time time.
"Families who choose'two-headed marriage' mostly have the same conditions, and even the condition of the woman is better than that of the man. Both parents also agree with the concept of'two-headed marriage'." Zhao Chunlan said that most "two-headed marriages" are the combination of two local families. The man understands the needs of the woman’s family to pass on from generation to generation.
For women, "marriage at both ends" can not only be filial to in-laws, but also take care of parents. This is a choice made by both men and women and their parents.
The "marriage at both ends" also gave Xiaoxiao and Xiaoqi a different chance from the traditional "marriage and marriage".
For example, traditionally, community activities undertaken by males of each family can also be participated by daughters or son-in-laws.
For example, drinking dragon lantern wine, the daughter who is "married" can also come back to participate; the son-in-law can also row a dragon boat like a son. In a "two-headed marriage", the daughter assumes the same role as the son, inheriting the inheritance of the parents and taking care of the parents. responsibility.
"The'marriage at the two ends' has reconciled tradition and modernity." Zhao Chunlan believes that the social and economic environment of Minfeng Village makes the local villagers more open-minded and more accepting of new things.
At the same time, their thinking is more traditional, and they have a relatively strong concept of inheritance.
"The'two-headed marriage' embodies the characteristic of'people are alive'. These families take the initiative to adjust the traditional cultural system, and while complying with local regulations, they also innovate traditional regulations."
Zhao Chunlan found that in addition to Jiangsu and Zhejiang, Yunnan, Guizhou, Gansu and other places have also sporadic cases of "marriage of two ends".
Not only is the geographical span, the time span of the "two-head marriage" is also longer than outsiders imagine.
Zhao Chunlan said that when Mr. Fei Xiaotong wrote about the new form of local marriage in Jiangcun Economy in his early years, he used the phrase "hanging flower banners on two ends"; in 1988, when Mr. Zhang Letian was conducting a survey in Chenjiachang in northern Zhejiang , I also mentioned this form of marriage, but at that time there was no social basis for the popular "two-headed marriage".
"Living with parents means company"
Men do not say to marry, women do not marry.
After getting married, Xiaoxiao and her husband took turns to live in the homes of both parents, and lived in a small family "family relocation" instead of bringing a baby on one side and living separately on both sides.
"Sometimes staying at my mother-in-law's house for a few days, sometimes staying at my mother's house for a few days, the relationship is very easy." Xiaoxiao said frankly, "Even if we bought another wedding room, I don't want to go out to live, I enjoy this kind of life."
"I am an only child, and my parents also hope that I can accompany them more in the future and provide them with old age." Xiaoqi said that many comments on the Internet say that living with parents is a sign of "gnawing the old" and "not independent".
"I don't recognize it very much. Being independent does not mean living separately from my parents. My husband and I are financially independent. At the same time, in terms of life and parenting, both parents respect our ideas and hardly interfere. Living together means mutual living. Accompanying, parents also think that the liveliness of the home is a good thing."
Many of the "two-headed marriage" families interviewed said that they enjoy their current life.
Especially after having children, the help of the parents can also help them to reduce many burdens in work and life.
Moreover, living on both sides will bring joy of life and spiritual comfort to both parents.
"Actually,'two-headed marriage' emphasizes'combination' rather than'separation'. Generally speaking, both spouses share the care of the elders. At the same time, the two families will also work together on the education of the children of the next generation. , The life pressure of young people will be much less." Zhao Chunlan said.
Wang Qian (a pseudonym) who lives in Hangzhou and her husband are also married.
"The way our family gets along is not uniformly called grandpa and grandma, but I know that many families do this, or call it the other way around, which is to call the woman's parents as grandparents and the man's parents as grandparents and grandparents. "Wang Qian said, now that the child is still young, property issues and the handling of the relationship between the child and the previous generation have not been revealed. "But I think now that everyone has figured it out, it will definitely be smooth."
"'Marriage at two ends' is a new choice for young couples, but it has a greater stickiness with the original family." Xie Xie, president of Zhejiang Marriage and Family Association, expressed her concern. When confronted with conflicts, they will live in separate families, relying on their parents to resolve the conflicts, and not let the children go through the process of family establishment, growth, contradictions, and twists and turns. This is not conducive to the next generation’s understanding of family concepts and is not conducive to marriage stability ."
Some netizens also believe that the concept of "two-headed marriage" is almost similar to "two babies" and "two surnames", and does not bypass the issue of fertility. Those with fierce rhetoric even think that in the "two-headed marriage", women are "giving away" a child. The right to surname, and then willingly to be kidnapped by fertility responsibility, "women become fertility tools."
"This puts an unnecessarily label on us, I am very angry." Xiaoxiao said, there is a big gap between the concept of having a child and having no child. "I am very happy to have two children, and my parents give us a lot of space. If both families choose the "two-headed marriage", they have already considered having two children. If a couple only wants one child, they may not choose the "two-headed marriage"."
Zhao Chunlan believes that the emergence of "two-headed marriage" has a lot to do with the promotion of local women's social status and the awakening of self-worth.
"The'marriage of two ends' is of course very much related to the issue of fertility. But in fact, if we return to life itself, women's childbirth is not only a responsibility, but also a self-realization for individuals to achieve success at different stages of life."
Surname secret battles from time to time
Marriage, there are always a few happy and sad, "two-headed marriage" is no exception.
One of the most is the secret battle of surnames that exist in the "marriage of two ends".
Yu Ping (pseudonym), who lives in Xiaoshan, Hangzhou, has troubles in this regard. “The second child is over 1 year old, and he didn’t even have the registered permanent residence.” Yu Ping said, “My parents insisted that the second child should be registered in our household registration. Here. Because my parents still have a homestead in the rural area of Xiaoshan, my parents feel that it is appropriate to have their children’s registered permanent residence in my house, and they are now only children, and they should be'equal' with each surname."
Yu Ping also explained the reasons behind her parents' thoughts: Speaking of getting married, Yu Ping's family was in better condition, the wedding car was prepared by the wife, and the wedding room and the wedding wife also contributed more.
"My parents felt that there were many people around me who were'married at both ends', so they urged me to give birth to a second child. I was pregnant, but I hadn't negotiated with the child's surname for a long time. I didn't expect to have so much trouble after giving birth."
"Another reason is that the descendants whose names are engraved on the tombstones of ancestors in Xiaoshan must have the same surname to be eligible. My parents also have this consideration, and they also want to have a descendant with their surname." Yu Ping said.
The conversation changed, "But my husband also has a homestead in Xiaoshan rural area, and I feel that he would be very shameless with my family name." Yu Ping said that now the two sides are arguing, and when the second child is about to go to school, this problem must be resolved.
Ms. Yu said: "In fact, I have a very good relationship with my husband, but this issue is deadlocked."
Lin Ningguang, a marriage emotional counselor at the Marriage Registration Office in Yuhang District, Hangzhou, said that after the children’s two surnames, grandparents or grandparents’ preference for children of their surnames cannot be ruled out, and they even directly let the children of their own surname inherit their own property, and then bring some Contradictions and disputes.
Searched through the China Judgment Documents website, in 2014, the People's Court of Haining City, Zhejiang Province made a judgment on a divorce dispute of "two-head marriage". From this case, we can get a glimpse of the legal problems faced by "two-head marriage".
Xiaoli and Xiaoming (both under pseudonyms) were introduced to each other and registered to get married. After registration, the two parties held the wedding according to the local custom of "marriage at two ends". After marriage, they took turns to live in the homes of both parents and gave birth to one child.
Due to the disagreement between Xiaoli and Xiaoming, they often argued over which side they lived after after marriage, and both believed that the relationship between husband and wife had broken down.
After mediation by relatives in April 2014, the two parties have reached an agreement on divorce matters, but they disagree on matters such as child support and property division.
Qin Pengbo, assistant judge of the People’s Court of Beijing Haidian District, believes that in the divorce dispute between Xiaoli and Xiaoming, the biggest differences between the two parties in the negotiation stemmed from matters such as child support and property division. This is also the core of the "two-head marriage". problem.
For example, can a parent raise only a child with his own surname and refuse to raise another child?
Can children with surnames only support unilateral grandparents?
Can children without a family name inherit the inheritance of their parents and grandparents?
What legal conditions are required for the property of the husband and wife to belong to each other after marriage?
Yan Liangqi, a lawyer from Beijing Yingke (Jinhua) Law Firm, also said that "marriage between two ends" is feasible if the law does not prohibit it. If the law does not prohibit it, it creates conditions for "two ends marriage."
“But customs cannot rule out the law. It is necessary to prevent the observance of the customs but the violation of the law.” Yan Liangqi said, for example, the Civil Code stipulates detailed provisions on the upbringing of children in the Marriage and Family Chapter, and the obligation of raising does not depend on which side the child follows. The last name is changed.
Yao Lujia, a lawyer at Zhejiang Hongyuan Law Firm, believes that if a child needs to be renamed because of a divorce, under the current policy, both parents of the child are required to be present, and the name change will also be difficult.
In addition, if there is a situation where family property is mixed, it is necessary to distinguish which property belongs to the parents when dealing with the division of property at the time of divorce. At this time, the party with the burden of proof will have certain difficulties in obtaining evidence.
Will "marriage of two ends" be the mainstream in the future?
Zhao Chunlan said that there are many unhappy cases of "two-headed marriage", but the reality is that "two-headed marriage" is being practiced more and more, and everyone's acceptance of this kind of marriage is also increasing. People are learning from failed cases. Find balance in constant running-in.
Those happy "two-headed marriages" families have one thing in common: "Parents' compromise"-the offspring need to have their own life propositions, and the parents need to be more enlightened. The tacit understanding between the two families will increase as the negotiation and running in Slowly decrease.
Especially for dual-single families, "marriage at both ends" allows "older generations to relieve the pressure of the elderly, and younger generations to relieve the pressure of parenting".
Jianzhong Lou Jianzhong, a public welfare matchmaker in Shangcheng District, Hangzhou, believes that there will be more and more "two-head marriages". In the current blind date market, women are no weaker than men or even stronger than men's economic foundation, which provides a foundation for the practice of "two-head marriages." condition.
For example, in the urban-rural junction, there are three or four houses after the demolition. It is common for the woman to have a wedding room while the man does not have a wedding room.
In addition, "two-headed marriage" can drive a group of single men and women more willing to enter the marriage hall.
"The'two-head marriage' reflects the more enlightened thinking of the parents and the new generation of young people. A few days ago, I also visited a'two-to-two' marriage. The man's parents took the initiative to eat at the woman's parents' house. They said that'two-head marriage' was just The form changes, and the substance is not much different from traditional marriages. I think'two families fight together' is a trend." Lou Jianzhong said.
However, most experts have reservations about this.
"China has a vast territory and large regional and cultural differences. Not all places will accept this form. The'marriage of two ends' still needs to be adapted to local conditions and individual conditions." Zhao Chunlan said.
Some commentators pointed out that "dual marriage" is not an active choice based on the concept of equality between men and women, but a by-product of the family planning policy. It is extremely temporary and unstable. "This is still based on traditional patriarchy. The fairness of the above is shaky."
Previously, a poll conducted by 2032 netizens showed that 47.5% of the respondents believed that the child should follow the father’s surname, 54.7% of the respondents could accept that the child should follow the mother’s surname, and 23.2% of the respondents said they could not. Married at both ends.
The reporter interviewed some young people who worked hard to settle down in Hangzhou and asked them if they were willing to implement "two-to-one marriage." Some people made it clear that they did not want to. The young man Xiao Zhang said: "When my child signed for school, when my child’s name was written by another surname Sometimes, others will consider whether the child is my own, or whether I am the son-in-law... Therefore, I do not agree with the "marriage of two ends"."
Some outsiders believe that since there are many problems and conflicts in "two-to-one marriage", will the relationship between husband and wife be good?
Lin Ningguang believes that for a happy marriage, both spouses must correctly understand what "love" is, that is, "I am willing to do for you" instead of "You want to do for me", so when people regard marriage as a transaction, usually this kind of happiness It is also difficult to last.
Some "two-headed marriage" families interviewed believe that traditional "marriage and marriage" are also unhappy. We cannot deny all "two-headed marriages" because of very few unhappy "two-headed marriages". "Two-headed marriages" are actually better than imagined. In the beautiful.