On the afternoon of December 25, Meiyun, a 59-year-old villager of Minfeng Village in Hangzhou (according to local customs, hereinafter referred to as water village), was busy in the kitchen.
The husband went to work, and the two granddaughters left school to practice calligraphy upstairs.
Meiyun explained that her relatives who worked in Shanghai were going back to Hangzhou.
According to habit, she invites them to come over for dinner every time her parents come back, and the two sides are as friendly as friends.
Ten years ago, Meiyun's son A Bin and his daughter-in-law Xiaoqi married in a form of "two-headed marriage" that has recently been pushed to the forefront.
From 2017 to 2019, when Zhao Chunlan, a doctoral student at Fudan University, did a field survey in the water village of Hangzhou, he found that there was a typical phenomenon of "two-headed marriage" in the water village: "When the two sexes are married, the man does not say to marry, the woman does not say to marry, and their respective household registrations do not Change; Both men and women renovate their new houses in their homes, and the husband and wife will take turns to live in both families after marriage; After negotiation, the two parties have two children after marriage, each with their parents' surnames; Obligated to support both parents and have the right to inherit the property of both parties; Children are called elders of both parties They are all'grandpa and grandma' without the title of'grandpa and grandma'."
Meiyun's own understanding of "marriage at two ends" is that "a small family becomes everyone", and is "a lifestyle basically chosen by only children."
Fan Lizhu, the deputy dean of the School of Social Development and Public Policy of Fudan University, commented that the "marriage of two ends" in Shui Village was "a continuation of a traditional order".
Zhao Chunlan believes that the “marriage between two ends” that appeared in the water village was the result of the concession and running-in of modernity and tradition. “It must be something within a small cultural circle, which will have certain limitations, but it also has its own unique society. Features."
No bride price or dowry
Xiaofen is 34 years old, with big eyes and a round face, working in a trading company.
She is a native of Shui Village and is also a practitioner of "two-head marriage": she has two daughters, one with her husband's surname, and the other with her surname. They call the elderly on both sides uniformly as "grandparents"; she takes turns with her husband and children Living in the homes of both parents, "Maybe my parents-in-law have something to do this week, and they can't take care of the children, so they will go back to my parents' house; sometimes my parents have problems and they will live with my husband's parents."
Xiaofen said that she was the only daughter in the family. When she was still studying, her parents were interested in finding a "home son-in-law" in the future, "because they didn't want me to'go out'".
Xiaofen said she was willing to do the same, because she also "does not want to leave home."
According to the financial staff of the village committee, the village has 760 households and a population of more than 3,300, and the living conditions of the villagers are generally good.
Before the reform and opening up, the water village in the suburbs of Hangzhou was a typical land of fish and rice. The villagers made a living by raising silkworms, fish, and planting.
After the 1990s, agricultural income decreased, industry and commerce developed, and many agricultural land was gradually expropriated. Villagers began to work in factories and start their own businesses.
At the time of land acquisition, each household can get 80 square meters of house area compensation. “Basically, one family can exchange two or three houses.” A small number of people have not yet acquired land, but they usually have one or two floors in self-built houses. For lease, the rental income is also very good.
According to statistics from the village committee, in 2019, the per capita income of villagers in Shui Village was 40,000 yuan.
Now, walking into Shuicun Avenue, on the left is a self-built house with three floors or more, and on the right is a few acres of farmland.
Occasionally, when a farmer is busy, a small car drove by without making a loud noise.
The busiest time of the day is three or four in the afternoon, when the kindergarten in the village is over, and parents wait in line at the door.
Most of them are elderly people.
Zhao Chunlan concluded in the field survey that although the residents of Shui Village have been urbanized in terms of material life and infrastructure, they still retain the lifestyle and values of farmers and have a certain obsession with "continuing incense."
Interviewees said that many only-child families in Shui Village had the idea of recruiting son-in-law.
Around 2005, when the first group of only children entered the marriage age, the "two-headed marriage" model of Shui Village began to appear.
After graduating from university, Xiaofen met her current husband through introduction. The husband is an only child. Xiaofen recalled that there were sporadic examples of "two-headed marriage" around her at the time, but it was not common.
She tentatively asked whether her boyfriend's husband could accept a double marriage. The boyfriend went home to discuss with his parents, and soon agreed.
The two married successfully in 2010.
Before marriage, the two families agreed that no beauties or dowries were required; both parties invested to renovate the new house; after marriage, two children should be born, regardless of whether they are male or female. The first child will follow Xiaofen’s surname, and the second child will follow her husband’s name; Xiaofen and her husband’s The household registration is kept in the original family, and the children of each family are listed on the household registration book.
"For us to get married, the first is to pass on the surname, and the second is to be closer to our parents." Xiaofen said, "not moving the household registration" is a great psychological comfort to her, "if I am still in this household registration. Basically, I think my parents and I are a family, and feel very close."
"The characteristic of traditional marriage is that the woman marries into the man's home, and all the social value of the woman is realized through the man. The name of the woman must be listed in the husband's family tree and household registration. The'two-headed marriage' forms a kind of With the new social arrangements, women can also pass down their genealogy." said Fan Lizhu, deputy dean of the School of Social Development and Public Policy at Fudan University.
Sheng Yunfeng, deputy secretary of the water village, recalled that after 2005, the phenomenon of "marriage of two ends" began to appear silently in the village, but it has never aroused widespread discussion, "it is a subtle process, and the times are like this."
On December 21st, Xiaofen saw the news in the media about the marriage of two ends in the circle of friends, and was a little angry. "I don’t particularly agree with some of the content in the article. For example, women are reduced to fertility tools-even if I was married. I also hope to have two. I think the only child is too lonely."
A Ruan and her husband have been married for more than nine years and have one son and one daughter.
She said that she was not so enthusiastic about giving birth to a second child. Although she was not particularly willing, she did not resist.
Because she had known for a long time that once stepping into the "two-to-one marriage", "my historical mission is to give birth to two."
"In fact, Xiaojia has become everyone"
More than 30 years ago, Meiyun "married" to Shuicun from Yuhang, Hangzhou.
Her husband gave her parents dozens of dollars as a bride price, and she returned the dowry with TV sets, sewing machines, and bicycles.
After marriage, she lived with her husband and in-laws, and her household registration was also moved to her husband's house.
Around 2010, her only son, Abin, reached marriageable age. "I told him not to look for the only child, but to marry someone with brothers and sisters at home."
It was also at this time that the phenomenon of "marriage of two ends" emerged around.
A Bin had made friends with her high school classmate Xiaoqi early, and Xiaoqi was the only child in the local area and proposed to "marry the two."
When Abin went home, Meiyun agreed quickly, "I thought at the time that there was no way in this situation—you don’t need to tell me that they can’t get married or that the zodiac signs of two people are not worthy of you—if you say you What should I do? The two of them have been together for so long, and they disagree, but it is troublesome."
She and her husband offered to give Xiaoqi's more than 100,000 yuan as a bride price, but the other party categorically refused, "because they feel that they are not'marrying' their daughter."
According to the old local rules, the man’s family should give the woman’s mother a "belly pain bag" to comfort her for his new wife.
Meiyun prepared a red envelope of 8,000 yuan, which was returned by her in-laws. "They told me that we are not married, and you are not married-my stomach hurts when I give birth to a daughter, and my stomach hurts when I give birth to a son."
In the eyes of his son Abin, "marriage at both ends" is the only plan acceptable to both families, young and old.
"It doesn't matter whether you marry,'two-headed marriage', or your son-in-law, they are actually the same. They are two families," said A Bin.
"Of course, it's not realistic to be a door-to-door son-in-law. My parents can't get along. As a man, I don't want to. But you must marry back hard, and they won't. When the time comes to conflict, it is better to have two ends. marry."
A Bin's two daughters ran down from the stairs, one in each hand, hanging on A Bin's body.
Meiyun rushed them up to do their homework and explained: "Two kids, two rooms, it's big here."
This self-built house has a square layout and is four stories high.
In the early days, the children were small and shared the same room with their parents. Now everyone lives on several floors and basically has their own space.
In the beginning, the couple will live with both parents.
After the demolition of the parents-in-law, they moved into a commercial house. Abin and Xiaoqi often lived in Meiyun's house because they felt that the living area was small, but only occasionally went to live with her family.
Meiyun recalled that after she got married, she usually only "returned to her natal family" during the holidays, and she had to bring gifts to give to her natal relatives—this was the local rule for married women.
Now Xiaoqi can run to her family anytime, anywhere.
"According to the previous rules, if I go back to my family's house for a week, people will think that I must have trouble with my husband's house. Now I can live as long as I want."
On December 25, Meiyun called her two parents who had returned to Hangzhou from Shanghai to come home for dinner. She was only a ten-minute drive away from her in-laws, and the two families often had dinner together.
Usually the in-laws buy vegetables and she cooks.
She likes this, feels lively, "In fact, the small family has changed everyone."
Whoever gives birth to a son is the most likely to cause dispute
Seven years ago, when Xiaoqi was pregnant with her second child, a relative told Meiyun that she looked like she was pregnant with a son.
Meiyun said that she digested quickly, "Even if her son belongs to their family, she can't change her mind." She said that she had heard many "two-headed marriages" caused by surnames, and thought it was extremely unworthy.
In her research, Zhao Chunlan found that in order to carry out the "two-head marriage" harmoniously, "negotiation and fulfillment of what is said is very important."
According to the old custom of Shui Village, the newlyweds have to pick a "child-grandson bucket" to the man's home, which means to pick up the responsibility for childbirth; if the man is married, the groom will pick the bucket to the woman's family.
Xiaofen told reporters that there was a pair of friends with her. Because she hadn't discussed the barrel selection in advance, the wedding was approaching, and both men and women wanted each other to pick the barrels.
There was a lot of trouble, and even repented of the marriage.
The agreement is too rigid and can easily lead to conflicts.
Xiaofen said that she knows a "married couple" family that is particularly demanding in terms of housing: both parents strictly set a timetable, live here for a week, and live there for the next week. "If you can't do it, you will be unhappy. , And it's easy to quarrel."
The 60-year-old villager Lao Xu is a retired worker. His son has been married for 15 years, which is a traditional "marriage."
Old Xu is a staunch opponent of the "marriage of two ends".
"What's "marriage between two ends" is definitely not good!" Old Xu said that he has a nephew who was married two years earlier than his son, using the "two-head marriage" model.
Before the wedding, the two families made a good statement, the first child followed the father's name, and the second child followed the mother's name.
Later, the first child gave birth to a boy. "The mother-in-law went directly to the hospital to take the child away, and wanted to preempt the woman's family name." The two families had a big quarrel, and the child was weaned and divorced.
Old Xu said that the battle frightened him, so he insisted that his son "marry" one back.
Zhao Chunlan analyzed that out of the importance of male heirs, the surname after giving birth to a son is most likely to cause contradictions and disputes in the "marriage of two ends".
She met a couple while doing fieldwork. They got married more than ten years ago. After the first child was born, conflicts broke out. "Where is the confinement and whose surname is the child? Arguing." Within two years, before they had a second child, the two divorced.
Meiyun has a set of logic for self-elimination of the demand for inheritance.
She believes that even if she has only one granddaughter, she will still have two children after she comes to marry. "Then we can still have a surname, so (surname) can still be passed down."
Zhao Chunlan believes that Meiyun and his wife are not indifferent to "continuing incense", but have found a more flexible attitude, "As long as the surname can be passed down, whether it is a son or a daughter, it is the pass of incense." This is also some of the water villages. Parents’ attitude towards “marriage of two ends”.
"So'marriage at both ends' is actually a continuation of a traditional order, independent of policy and individualism." Fan Lizhu, deputy dean of the School of Social Development and Public Policy of Fudan University commented, "Water Village is a relatively complete community. Everyone’s knowledge and family background are similar, and it’s easy to slowly reach a local social system."
Zhao Chunlan said that to this day, "marriage of two ends" has been practiced in Shui Village for decades, and there are fewer and fewer relevant contradictions heard by the interviewees.
Sheng Yunfeng, deputy secretary of the water village, also serves as the mediator of family affairs in the village.
He told reporters that he has mediated many neighbourhood conflicts and economic disputes, but has not dealt with family discord caused by the "two-head marriage".
"(Contradictions) will definitely exist, but there are few. First, there is still that kind of thinking in rural areas, and family ugliness cannot be publicized, so outsiders don't know; second, the'two-headed marriage' has gone through a process of running-in in the village. "
Not just the last name
In the traditional sense, a three-day banquet is required for a wedding in Shui Village: the first night is an "announcement" banquet; the second day at noon, the bridegroom picks up the bride and eats a "light meal" at the woman’s house; Wine"; on the third day we will have a "thank you" feast.
Sun Zhongcheng, the wedding banquet organizer in the village, said that in a "two-to-one marriage", the two families usually hold a round of banquets one after the other. The order is not fixed, and it is up to the two parties to discuss.
When it is the woman’s family to hold a banquet, the bride also has to go to the man’s house to marry the groom. “Originally, the bride had to beat the drum three times, which was tantamount to urging the bride to come down. Now the bridegroom will also be beaten.
There are also joint banquets, and the expenses are shared.
When A Ruan hosted the wedding banquet, he only co-organized a "wine wine" in the hotel. The cost of the banquet was divided according to the number of relatives and friends invited by both parties.
When Xiaofen got married, she only walked through the process of "marrying and marrying". Her husband took her out of her natal family and ate "zhengjiu" at her husband's.
"In the wedding process, there are some things you can't do if you have to care about it so well."
Zhao Chunlan analyzed that in the practice of "marriage at both ends", many traditional boundaries have gradually been blurred: "It is not just the surname as simple as it is maintaining the tradition, but it is not so traditional."
When Abin and Xiaoqi got married, as usual, the bridegroom had to prepare some cash and cigarettes when he went to pick him up at the wife’s house. “There will be neighbors, uncles and aunts who will stop him (the bridegroom) at the gate and will not let him (the bridegroom) in, but take things out. "But the two parties agreed that Xiaoqi's family would be responsible for the cost of "blocking the door".
After the wedding, Xiaoqi and Abin don’t need to present filial piety in the name of their daughter-in-law or son-in-law. “Basically, they don’t care about etiquette. Anyway, they are all in the family, regardless of family, and the final money is given to the children. ."
Zhao Chunlan felt deeply about this.
She is from the neighboring village of Water Village, and her family also adheres to more traditional values.
She was "married" out, so every year during the New Year, she would spend more than 10,000 yuan to buy gifts for her uncles and uncles.
"Because it's already considered'divided up', as a married daughter, you have to buy things back."
Another question that "two-headed marriage" faces is the fairness of future property division.
"Give birth to two children, one with your husband and one with your surname. Will the grandparents on both sides leave the money to the children with their own surnames? If the assets of both sides are about the same, it would be okay, but much worse. How to maintain fairness?" asked Lao Xu, a staunch opponent of "marriage at both ends".
Meiyun said that she had never thought of treating them differently, because her two children were brought by her and she felt the same pain.
But she analyzed that there might be grandparents with partiality, "For example, if you only bring a child with your own surname, there will be more or less emotional bias, right?"
Meiyun said that since she got married, she has lost the opportunity to inherit the property of her parents. According to the local tradition, all the family properties of the previous generation must be given to the male son of the family.
"My parents' money is clearly given to my brother. If you give it to your daughter, you have to fight, it is equivalent to giving it to a foreigner."
Nowadays, the inheritance of bilateral surnames brought about by the "two-to-one marriage" saves the woman's family from worrying about the property falling into the hands of the "foreign surname".
Meiyun's family has agreed that she and her husband will leave all the property to their son in a hundred years, and Xiaoqi will also get the share from her parents.
At that time, how the couple will divide the property for their two daughters is "it is their own business."
Zhao Chunlan said that today, more and more young couples in Shui Village will adopt the "two-end marriage" form of marriage.
And so far, the practitioners in the "two-head marriage" are still young, and the oldest child raised is less than ten years old, and they have not yet faced the problem of the death of the elderly and the division of property.
She believes that the final direction of the "marriage of two ends" will take time to prove.
(In the text, Meiyun, Xiaoqi, A Bin, Xiaofen, A Ruan, and Lao Xu are pseudonyms)
Reporter: Feng Yuxin