[In-It] Parenting is facing the bottom of me

Raising a child is tedious repetition.

Feeding, washing dishes, changing diapers, washing, changing clothes...

It is a repetition of wiping, sweeping, and cleaning.

They say what they said and say again not to.

Answer the child's question dozens of times.

If you repeat the same words, the same actions, and repeat them endlessly, a day has passed and a week has passed.

I quit my company earlier this year and I am raising a child at home, but it seems that I have been turning around the wheel of child care and housework all day, as the corona has worsened and the daycare center is closed.

Sometimes I get depressed by infinite repetitions that don't seem to end.

Nevertheless, the feeling of depression deepens in the reality of having to repeat cleaning, sweeping, and cleaning.

Like that, I often face the bottom of my patience while raising children.

My patience seems too shallow to be a parent, so I often feel afflicted and lacking.

Come to think of it, I was a goal-oriented person.

I set a goal each time and ran forward.

Even when I was taking the entrance exam, I lucked out and tried to go to the college I wanted to go to.

The same was the case when I got a job.

I tried to go to a large company and got a job.

I lived trying to achieve the goals I set.

But parenting was the exact opposite.

My goal-oriented approach didn't help with parenting.

The'goals' for raising children were blurry, and there was no clear measure to feel'achievement'.

I was rather okay when the child was a newborn baby who couldn't do anything.

When the child pooped, he had to change diapers and wash.

When I was hungry, I feed it, and when I get sleepy, the day is gone.

When a situation arises, it was child-raising, taking appropriate measures.

However, as the child passed the stone, language developed and self-consciousness developed, friction (?) began to arise.

The child gradually tried to do what he wanted to do.

Even if they try to change diapers, they say'she-!' and throw me away.

You have to catch a running child and persuade him to change diapers.

If I spit back what I ate while complaining that I don't want to eat, I run into a limit of patience.

Still, I try to fit the child as much as possible.

However, no matter how small a child, at least there are standards that must be observed.

First, sleep on time and in place. 

Second, eat rice by yourself at the table.

This is the least rule I would like for my child.

Sleep and rice.

I think it's too basic.

My child started to sleep 100 days ago.

I was very grateful and grateful that I had a habit of going to bed faster than other children.

But that didn't go all the way.

Nowadays, sleeping a child can be as difficult as when it was a newborn.

The day after tomorrow, it's two stones, so I didn't want to sleep, so I asked for a play, and asked to tell an old story, so I talked about it for an hour and a half.

At one point, the child stopped lying on his mother's pillow and screaming to sleep.

"I have to go to your place and sleep!"

The child quickly burst into tears, and the wife said,'Can't the child be like that?'

If I stayed there, I thought an arrow would bounce on my wife, so I opened the door and came out.

When a child who sleeps by himself is so sleepy, when he eats rice with his hands innocently even though he is good at spooning, when he sees him keep running in bed, knowing from experience that he is hurt if he runs out of bed...

In that case, I feel like I want to leave it alone, whether it hurts or not.

If that's the way the child can realize it.

When my child doesn't follow what I think is the minimum standard, I can't stand it.

'Is my personality bad?

Or is there so much to ask of a child?'

I listened to a calm song because I thought it would be a little calm if I came out of the house and listened to the song.

It was Jo Sung-mo's <thorn tree>.

There are so many me in me, there is no place for you to rest.

There is no place for you to be comfortable with vain winds in me.

The young birds that flew exhausted in search of a place to rest

were stabbed by thorns and flew away.

When the wind blows, I feel lonely and painful.

When I listened to it before, I thought this song was a love song, but when I listened to it again, it seemed like I was raising children.

There were so many my experiences and standards in me that I couldn't hold the child as it was, and I didn't know it was a futile wish to expect from him the standards I took for granted.

And I told him what he had done wrong, rather than cheering his heart up when the child came in crying.

When I said "don't do that next time" and the child answered "yes," I hugged him.

Looking back at me, I wonder if it became a thorn to the child...

?

I've always thought raising a child is building a tower.

Sleeping, weaning, eating by ourselves, walking by ourselves...

I thought it was a process of building up a person's ability step by step.

However, the growth of the child was not just moving forward.

Just because one step is built up doesn't mean that you build the next step right away, but sometimes it stops and sometimes two or three steps collapse.

The child was building and destroying towers repeatedly, growing in his own shape.

However, I seem to have thought it was the parent's role only to pull the child to build the tower high.

Even when the tower collapsed and the tower was not built, the role of parents was to watch over and support the child.

Looking back, it seems that I, being goal-oriented, did not have in mind the assumption that'it could collapse' in the process of building a tower.

I thought that growth was only to go forward and comfortably.

However, when things didn't go as planned or my goals disappeared, I was deeply helpless.

In the end, building a tower was both a development and a process of pain that whipped me up.

I don't want to pass this on to my child.

Until now, when playing block-building with a child, if the tower collapsed and said to a crying child, "I should have built it like this. I was careful not to do it." want.

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