Why do women say they experience celibacy more than men?

In society, the marital norm remains dominant -

• According to an analysis issued by the National Institute of Demographic Studies (INED), more and more French women are experiencing periods of celibacy between 26 and 65 years old.

• Although men are equally concerned, the analysis shows that women are more subjected to this celibacy.

• The pressure of age and of society would make this harder for women.

Since the start of the coronavirus crisis and the two phases of confinement, singles have encountered the worst difficulties in meeting other people.

But celibacy is nothing new.

It is even a situation that is developing, according to the study published on Wednesday by the National Institute of Demographic Studies (INED), which is based on a survey conducted in 2013 and 2014.

Fewer and fewer men with age

According to INED's analysis, "Living single - not or no longer being in a relationship - has become a frequent situation".

The institute explains it by a later first marriage and by the increase in separations and divorces since the 1970s, which are therefore accompanied by episodes of temporary or more lasting single life.

A situation which is different depending on the sex.

While 74% of men believe that celibacy has no negative impact on their daily life, this is less the case for women (69%).

And if as many women as men are single between 26 and 65 years old (21%), their emotional trajectories "differ significantly".

Women enter into a relationship earlier.

They also come out earlier.

After the thirties, the most prosperous period for couples, women suffer more from celibacy because of widowhoods and separations, from which they recover less quickly.

Thus, from the age of 40, the rate of unmarried women increases without ever decreasing, which is not the case for men.

Jean-Claude Kaufmann, sociologist specializing in couples at the CNRS and author of 

(Les ties qui libéré), abounds and adds that for men, the risk of remaining alone will not stop decreasing: “There are fewer and fewer men and more and more women, so the chances of finding someone are the opposite.

"

Modest categories "live it better"

Celibacy is obviously not experienced in the same way by all women, in particular according to socio-professional category, says INED.

Thus, 50% of the female employees or workers questioned affirm that it is a choice.

This is twice as much as among executives and higher intellectual professions (25%).

Despite a more financially complicated situation, the first mentioned, even more in a situation of single parenthood, would adapt better to life outside a couple.

A situation that may seem surprising but justified, according to Jean-Claude Kaufmann.

“They are already the ones who often lead the boat, who manage the home.

Single, they no longer have to compromise with each other.

It is therefore an extremely cumbersome and difficult way of gaining autonomy ”.

For women managers, the situation would be reversed: “They have already acquired this autonomy, through their income or their responsibilities at work.

Also, they can not see a gain.

It is therefore the lack in daily life that will emerge and be expressed ”.

Fear of age

For Jean-Claude Kaufmann, if celibacy is more difficult for women, it is mainly because of the pressures they are under.

Including that of age and the famous "biological clock".

From the age of 30, the question of having children arises irremediably for women, estimates the sociologist.

And if they do not ask it themselves, it may be those around them, through questions or by the simple fact of seeing their friends become mothers.

“It's an emergency that happens, sometimes against a backdrop of anxiety.

Men do not undergo this time barrier, the desire for family can come later.

They therefore allow themselves to remain “big teens” for longer ”.

Another pressure: the fear of giving up your chance.

As we saw above, according to the INED study, widowhood increases significantly among women from the age of 45 and never goes down again.

And the imbalance between the number of men and women from their forties makes the race for married life more difficult for the latter.

Jean-Claude Kaufmann: “If a woman 'misses the boat', she is more likely to be left alone all her life.

We see that the older they get, the more they have to lower their criteria if they want to find someone ”.

Society is moving very slowly

Finally, the sociologist points to the double-talk of society on the celibacy of women, which he translates as: "Everyone does what they want, but ..." On the one hand, society is more and more advocating freedom. , autonomy and acceptance of life outside a couple.

A celibacy which can be put forward and valued in the face of the "purring" of married life.

Active women, single mothers who manage to combine work, responsibilities and management of children are "glorified", says Jean-Claude Kaufmann.

However, “a single woman at 40 will often have to justify her celibacy.

She feels the “accusing finger” more often.

"

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