"Listed" in the 985 blind date game
In a building outside Beijing's East Second Ring Road, an event space called the "Singles Commune" is always lively when night falls.
Under the warm yellow light, there are sofas, coffee tables, bookshelves, and guitars.
After 6:30 in the afternoon, single men and women came off work from all corners of the city, took off their coats, and met with the opposite sex they knew on the blind date software.
In less than an hour, dozens of people have been seated in this 300 square meter space.
Every week, there will be a "Kochi Garden of Eden" themed blind date held here.
According to the staff of the organizer "Kailian.com", this event brings together high-educated men and women. The admission condition is to pay membership fees ranging from 1,500 yuan to 3900 yuan.
Blind date bureaus for positioning the highly educated circle have long existed.
In 2013, the marriage and love platform "Encounter Weiming" based on the alumni circle of Peking University was established.
In 2015, "Moshang Huakai" was born in Tsinghua Park and now calls itself "the blind date platform used by 985 circles."
On October 31, in a podcast of "Untimely" from the media, Fudan University professor Shen Yifei and the founder of "Moshang Huakai", Moon, had a debate.
Shen Yifei believes that the educational background of 985 colleges and universities has nothing to do with love. Using this as a label is a kind of discrimination against other schools.
The Moon argued that this is just a differentiated positioning of the platform.
During the show, Shen Yifei asked: "As insiders, do we really need to make our world smaller?"
Insider
"I think many people are sour because he is not in this circle. In fact, whether it is 985, 211, undergraduate, or junior college graduates, as long as blind date, these conditions exist. Does 985 have to be love first and cannot make these requirements? Said Jia Xin, a post-90s girl who graduated from Tsinghua University.
She is a part-time editor of "Stranger Huakai". She works in an institution directly under a certain ministry. Her hobbies are cleaning and mountain climbing.
In 2017, she found her current husband, a Tsinghua alumnus one year older than her, through “listing” on this platform.
"Listing" is a way of self-promotion by the blind date platform for posting.
Some netizens feel that the word "is a naked materialization."
Jia Xin didn't understand, "Why should everyone be so glassy?"
The profile of the "Moshang Huakai" official account says "True, High Quality, and Efficient".
The founder Moon said in a podcast that the platform has a success rate of up to 30% and can help everyone do the "right thing."
Jia Xin's successful experience seems to verify this logic.
In the spring of 2017, Jia Xin is about to graduate from Tsinghua with a master's degree. After finalizing her graduation thesis and finding a satisfactory job, she feels that she should put the matter of dating on the agenda.
Prior to this, she had been busy with "more important things" and did not fall in love.
The experience of secret love can be traced back to junior high school. At that time, academics were the most important thing, and the little flames disappeared naturally.
During the college entrance examination, she was admitted to Tsinghua University from a county in Guizhou and spent 6 years in Tsinghua.
Jia Xin speaks without muddle-headedness. He will look straight at the other person and speak quickly.
"On the whole, I am a more pragmatic person, not very emotional." Unlike some girls who pursue romance, she had no special illusions about love before, because "I don't think this matter is urgent."
But at the "right time", Jia Xin quickly got a relationship that was as smooth as his studies through the prestigious dating agency.
In May 2017, after Jia Xin was "listed", he received more than 50 resumes from applicants.
After screening, she met her current husband.
The two are about the same age. The other party graduated with a Ph.D. from Tsinghua and works in the energy industry.
"We were all admitted to Tsinghua University from the county seat. The background is the same, and there are more topics, so we can talk." Without experiencing major waves, the two married smoothly in 2019.
Shen Yifei offered a "Sociological Love Thinking Class" at Fudan University. She said that some young people do not pursue love, but do not believe in the existence of love.
Jia Xin has been married for a year and has brought together many couples and even witnessed several couples entering into marriage. "But I don't know if they are in love or not. What you want to say is love, I don't know what it is."
Love in literary works is very beautiful, "but why does it happen to you? Why do you have to meet this kind of thing?" Jia Xin asked.
The guests who "listed" on blind dates in the "Unfamiliar Huakai" official account have very similar resumes and tags: education from a prestigious school, work in the Internet or financial industry, high salary, and love to travel.
When Jia Xin revised their copywriting, she was dissatisfied with the uniformity and felt that "this is not a living person". She wanted to highlight the characteristics of each person, but it was difficult.
"These people are all well-behaved children all the way, and their life paths are very consistent, very in line with the mainstream standards." But she agrees with the rationality, "Even if it is the person who left a sad comment below, I think he would Live this life."
In Jia Xin's sophomore year, to catch up with Tsinghua's 100th Anniversary, the school organized a time capsule activity to let everyone write about themselves in 10 years.
She wrote at the time: I hope to write an influential report.
Ten years have passed. Jia Xin and her husband are busy with their respective work. They go home to watch variety shows. Their days are flat and stable. Looking back on the scene at that time, she has nothing to lose. "The stage of life is different, and her mind will naturally change."
But when did you decide to marry your husband?
Jia Xin couldn't think of such a moment.
"You think, just after reaching age, the two people's conditions are very matched. So you just asked me if I was in love, I really don't know if it is."
chain reaction
The "Meeting Unnamed" matchmaker has met many people with "prestigious school complex". The prestigious schools represent "excellent", "IQ", "potential", and inexplicable glory.
This complex began with their pre-university education, and after graduation, it still exerts influence on them.
Cui Nannan, who was studying at Beijing Normal University, recalled that she had a crush on a boy for a long time, just because he studied well and had seen photos on the school's honor roll, but never saw a real person.
When she first entered Beijing Normal University, she was very happy to see someone in Zhihu said that “girls from Beijing Normal University can easily find a boyfriend in Qingbei”.
Lin Haiyan, an emotional counselor of "Meeting Unnamed", concluded that more than 80% of clients care about each other's schools, especially women.
Some girls said, "You can look bad, but you must be from a good school. Only in this way can I admire him."
There is a girl who has always dreamed of a prestigious school. She described her psychology to Lin Haiyan: “It’s not from Peking University. It's what I yearn for." Another boy who yearned for Peking University told Lin Haiyan that he wanted to find a girl from Peking University, "I feel that my dream has come true."
"Only prestigious school theory" can sometimes bring risks.
A girl born in 1985 met a colleague from the Mathematics Department of Peking University.
She has a house and a car, and her economic conditions are better than her counterpart.
The two were not happy with each other. The other side always attacked her, saying that she was not as gentle and smart as his ex-girlfriend from Peking University, and even said, "You want to marry me to lie to me."
The girl finally decided to break up, but she saw other blind dates recommended by Lin Haiyan and said, "I find these schools are very ordinary." "She still likes students from famous schools subconsciously." Lin Haiyan said.
Qiao Qiao, the service consultant of "Meeting Unnamed", feels that this subconscious comes from past growth experiences.
She came into contact with a class of customers. She came from a good school, but she could no longer meet the expectations of her parents. She wanted to satisfy her parents by finding a better partner, such as finding someone from Tsinghua University and Peking University.
When a girl who graduated from Beijing Foreign Studies University came to the office, Qiao Qiao thought she was fair-skinned, tall, and very beautiful, and she was sunny and cheerful when she spoke.
During the conversation, Jojo asked her to talk about her strengths. She thought for a long time, but couldn't say any of them and cried.
The girl was born in a Kochi family, and her parents rarely praise her.
She said that her parents had given up on herself because she had already set her profile, so they hoped that she would find a high-quality person who could achieve the goal she had not reached.
This is a ladder with no end, "just being forced to go on the road." Jojo said.
On various dating platforms, Liu Tao, a graduate of Tsinghua University, met a number of girls who clearly told him, "I applied because you are from Tsinghua University. I have a complex in this area." On the dating app "She said", some girls claimed to be because "IQ control" and add him as a friend.
Liu Tao feels that the IQ of graduates from Tsinghua University is high, and this hypothesis is untenable.
He thought of the American girlfriends he met while studying in the United States.
She is very smart and taught herself computer technology since she was a child. In 2012, she was already a full-stack developer for an IT company.
She can also hack all kinds of systems, which is half a hacker.
This girl has never been to college.
On the first day of enrollment in the United States, when the Chinese classmate next to him heard that he was from Tsinghua University, he immediately asked, "Is your undergraduate degree from Tsinghua University?" He said "yes" to him confidently, but he was angry at this discrimination.
"This is actually a problem with China's education system, because China has made the impression of'going to a good university and having a good way out' too deeply ingrained, and that's why it triggered this series of chain reactions."
Under the influence of this kind of thinking, Liu Tao once persuaded his ex-girlfriend, "For the sake of my own future, I should make up a degree."
The two had a quarrel over this matter, "Facts have proved that after so many years, she has had a very good life. Her point of view is correct, and education is not the only way out."
In "Flowers on Moshang", Liu Tao said to a girl who applied for Tsinghua, "There are many boys who are better than me from ordinary universities. I can understand your obsession, but believe me, as a For those who are 10 years older than you, you will realize that in the future, you should use more dimensional ways to evaluate a person."
love education
In a prestigious dating agency, Lin Haiyan, an emotional counselor from a prestigious school, felt that she might not be qualified to criticize the "985 Blind Date Bureau."
However, she always felt that something was wrong.
Shen Yifei said in a podcast on October 31: Is 985's identity so important to feelings?
Does it mean there must be a common language?
If you speak a common language, the differences between disciplines are far greater than the differences between 985 universities and other schools.
Therefore, when this label has nothing to do with love, or even contradicts it, she thinks it is discrimination.
Jia Xin has a more pragmatic idea. She feels that "true love actually comes from the matching of your conditions."
The requirements of material life and love are not incompatible.
"Everyone has a demonization of the 985 blind date. It seems that there is no love in the 985 blind date." "Moshang Huakai" editor "Mother Wang" also said, "Talking about academic qualifications is actually quite idealistic. It is not compatible with the house. The kind is completely linked, and there can also be wonderful romances here."
When it comes to love, everyone has their own blankness.
"Meeting the unnamed" matchmaker will also take on a lot of intimacy consulting work. Founder Yang Jun said that under the Chinese education system, to some extent, the education of love is lacking.
After many years of emotional counseling, Lin Haiyan feels that sometimes education suppresses people's emotions. She has met a graduate of a top university. In her 30s, she has never liked others and never knows what a heartbeat is.
"In fact, human beings all pursue love and hope to be loved. Love is like a source, but some people think that no one can give this love, and they are disappointed."
"Mother Wang" said that she has liked to match up with others since she was a child.
Her middle school will not forcefully prohibit students from falling in love, provided that they do not delay their studies.
She even organized class meetings in the form of "If You Are the One".
Boys in science classes are not good at expressing, and she has also written love letters for male students.
After coming to Tsinghua University to study, she discovered that some of her classmates were so naive in love.
Lin Haiyan’s daughter is now in junior high school, and she will actively ask her daughter, “Do you have a boy who likes you? How do you treat the person you like.” She said that emotion cannot be suppressed, and it is beautiful.
Qiaoqiao feels that love is often a momentary feeling at a specific time, just like fireworks, fleeting.
The burst of this moment can ignite you in a peaceful life.
Liu Tao is 37 years old this year, and he feels that he is a "loser" compared to his old classmates at Tsinghua University.
About 10 years ago, after finishing his undergraduate and master's degree in Tsinghua University of Science and Technology, he came to the United States to continue his Ph.D. degree. However, due to his disagreement with his supervisor, it was difficult to achieve results.
He has lived alone in the United States for 10 years, and he is single and has not yet received a PhD.
Most of his classmates entered the financial industry. Some became bank presidents or founders of fund companies, and they drove Rolls Royce and Maserati.
But Liu Tao feels that this is a "secular day-to-day cycle."
He does not regret not choosing to take a safer path: go to a good university, find a good job that makes money, find a suitable partner to marry, have a child, and raise a second child.
But alumni Jia Xin said, "I don't think life is like this?"
In "Flowers on Moshang", Liu Tao was a maverick and explained the "disgraceful" side in the "listing" copy.
"At present, there is nothing outside the body." "Dad found out the middle and late stages of cancer."
He also made a little prank. He saw that many girls have rigid requirements for boys' height. He deliberately wrote 183 cm in height as 175 cm, "I want to find a girl who doesn't care about these."
(In the text, Jia Xin, Cui Nannan, Liu Tao, Moon, Qiao Qiao, and Wang's mother are pseudonyms)
Intern Guo Yujie Source: China Youth Daily