The Paper Journalist Wang Qianni and intern Wang Yifan and Wu Yi
Recently, several articles about the "985 Blind Date Bureau" have been screened. The article talks about a group of graduates from prestigious schools selecting marriage partners based on their academic qualifications.
Some viewers are very disgusted, saying that this kind of blind date is a retrogression of modernity, hurting the "romance" of love. They emphasized that love should be unlabeled regardless of conditions, and the elite "985s" should be more conservative The value of marriage and love.
Some people also expressed their understanding that today, when everything is "involved", marriage and love are hard to avoid.
As individuals, it seems that they can only adapt to this kind of competition, adding weight to their marriage, but they are alleviating their anxiety about the future.
Yang Jun is the founder of a marriage agency. After 1985, he graduated from Peking University with a bachelor's degree.
He has a direct soul observation and torture of the "involution" in the marriage and love market.
The following is what Yang Jun said to The Paper.
I am Yang Jun, the founder of the marriage agency "Meet Weiming". I started my business in 2013 and now have about 15 colleagues. The company's business is growing steadily at a scale of 20% every year.
Yang Jun, founder of the "Meeting Unnamed" platform, source: provided by interviewee
Our dating agency is a serious dating platform, which is compared to other non-serious dating platforms, whose customers are three to five years younger than ours, because at that age they often do not care about the result of feelings.
But when you reach a certain age, you want to get married, so an organization like us is even more needed, because they are all paid, so that it can send a signal that he wants to have a long-term relationship, and we will also do data review Ensure authenticity.
Although I also came from Peking University, my company did not emphasize that it is a marriage and love platform in a prestigious school, and did not set a rigid educational threshold. For example, if you are not 985, you cannot come.
Because we first started from the Peking University alumni circle, classmates and colleagues will recommend each other; we will also advertise to some communities such as Zhihu, so 85% of the platform's customers still graduated from 985, 211 or overseas prestigious schools.
The performance of marriage and love
Nowadays, “involution” is mentioned. In the marriage and love market, the term “involution” is also very explanatory.
For example, female customers will go for plastic surgery. This phenomenon is becoming more and more common. This is the manifestation of involution!
In other conditions, there is no way to change in a short time. This change in appearance is immediate, and boys’ participation and follow-up contact will be better.
This kind of involution is reflected in the money aspect of male customers. For example, some boys will use their parents’ pension money to buy a house, or even borrow some consumer loans, and if they have no money, they have to make up the money. This is the male involution in the marriage and love market. A typical embodiment of chemistry.
Regarding “men overdrafting parents’ pension funds”, it’s more complicated. Sometimes parents would rather give out the money. He wants his son’s name to be written on the real estate certificate, or half of it in case of divorce. It must first be determined as the property before marriage.
I have observed that a series of strange phenomena have arisen since housing prices began to rise sharply.
There are substantial differences between people because of real estate, and this culture of "not worrying about scarcity but suffering from unevenness" is deeply implanted in everyone's heart.
So once this kind of unevenness occurs, you will unconsciously compare yourself with others and see yourself in the coordinates of the real estate, and this comparison is fully reflected in the blind date and marriage market.
In the 1990s, although there were some differences between people, there were cadres’ families and workers’ families, but the cadres also earned a little more than the workers. Basically, it was almost the same. I can find anyone, and there is no need to go to a marriage agency, such as my side. 10 singles, 10 are all I can choose.
But now it changes. There are still these 10 people around me, but these 10 people have opened up a big level. Some people have 10 suites, some have a suite, some people don’t have a suite; some people have a suite. But there are loans, and some people do not have loans for a house.
Because the price of a house in first-tier cities is too high, it leads to a very big difference between people. At this time, although there are still 10 people around me, these 10 people are not all I can choose.
How big is the influence of the house?
We met some boys who were more talented, but lacked material, and were rejected one by one by girls.
We replied to him during the service period, and he kept asking questions later, we didn't know how to reply, it was really regrettable and helpless.
On the other hand, there are 5 divorced female clients in Beijing. Usually other divorced girls are not welcome, but she is completely different. After the information is posted, many boys apply.
At the beginning of my business, that is, seven years ago, the marriage and love market was not as utilitarian as it is now. In other words, there is no such "volume". One is that the value is more diversified, such as talents, but now boys want to be rich, girls Just be beautiful.
Nowadays, there are more and more people in reality, emphasizing house and household registration, and marriage is increasingly based on socio-economic status. In the past few years, the proportion of people willing to find a suitable household is obviously higher and higher.
Some men also explicitly require the woman to have a house, or the woman at least has the ability to buy a house in Beijing, and this is not a minority.
Customers who value the social and economic functions of marriage account for 60% of my customers.
Of course, not all of them are realistic. Many people come to find true love. I have successfully matched several pairs.
The reason behind this is also worth pondering.
When the possibility of an individual getting a social transition becomes slim, marriage becomes a bargaining chip to achieve class transition or consolidate class.
Marriage involution hurts women more
In terms of our company's resource pool, the ratio of men to women is 45:55, which is relatively balanced among all matchmaking agencies. However, the ratio of men to women among paying members is 3:7, and female members are more willing to pay.
The comparison of these two sets of data itself shows that women are more anxious.
Most male customers take much shorter time to withdraw orders than female customers.
I think this is because men are more purposeful, and sometimes they may not match even if they feel in their hearts.
Many times we can find a good match for boys. After all, there are more prominent high-quality women in this market than men.
As the reporter told me, on the one hand, these women seem to be more anxious, but at the same time they are very patient and slow to match.
The situation of the female group is more complicated.
First, there are more women than men in the marriage and love market.
And men tend to find a woman who is slightly inferior to them, which results in some particularly outstanding girls remaining, and the so-called "leftover women" are the best group of these women.
Also, it is traditionally believed that men must have a house when they get married. Some boys cannot withstand the pressure of buying a house in first-tier cities, so he retreats to second- and third-tier cities, and then another group of women in first-tier cities Selected male.
Finally, it is related to Chinese culture.
Women face a lot of pressure by the age of 30, peer pressure and family pressure.
If she is still single by the age of 30, many people will think, why do you not get married until 30? Is there a problem?
Some customers found us. She was originally "one person, one cat" very moisturizing. She suddenly participated in the wedding of her girlfriends and was stimulated by her "happy tears". There was also a type of customer who might not have been married, but Everyone on Friday has a family and a baby. She lost her original circle and breeds loneliness.
According to our observations, women’s 27 years old is basically a peak period. After 27 years old, especially when they are close to 30 years old, they are very anxious, and more women pay on the platform.
But from the perspective of a woman herself, the more anxious she is, the more irrational expectations she will have, which makes it slower to get out of work.
I have also observed some cruel phenomena. For example, many women are relatively restrained, but she has to adapt to the situation of introversion and become proactive.
Even if she has no words to talk to, she has to take the initiative, even if there is nothing to chat with the other party, she should also take the initiative to talk, they will force themselves to do something they don't want to do.
In college, girls are like flowers and they are sought after, but at the age of 27, the transition begins. The golden mate selection time for girls is front, and for boys it is back.
Based on reality, I might suggest that female friends solve their lifelong issues in college.
Those who don’t need "rolls"
Some people have more resources and have the possibility of downward compatibility, so they don't need to "roll".
In other words, most users with particularly good conditions are more casual, and it doesn't matter what they find.
I have a client who asked me whether I should listen to my parents to find a right person, or I should listen more to my innermost brother who is not so good in material conditions, who can raise a dog and play games together, and who can play guitar in special arts.
I told her that because your family is rich enough, I will listen to your heart and like to find whom.
Later, when I visited, she said that she was very happy and could not follow the worldly standards, so she didn't need to come to me to buy services.
For ordinary people, if she can firmly ignore the opinions of people around her, or care about family pressures, then she can also not participate in this "involution" of marriage and love.
The weaker women in the internal volume are those who are slightly older and do not have obvious advantages in appearance.
I often don't recommend that such people come to marriage agencies, because it is easier for them to find them in daily life compared to marriage agencies.
The marriage agency has a strong purpose, and her disadvantages will be magnified obviously here. If you do not meet these secular standards, you will not have an advantage in this game, so it is better not to play.
As mentioned before, women are more victims of marriage and love.
Women of 30+ are actually quite a large group. In the process, they have become "Buddha". After at least 30, they "quit" their mentality and start to think that I can play this game, but not also.