In "Sans Rendez-vous" this Friday, the sexologist and psychoanalyst Catherine Blanc, responds to a listener who wants to break up with his girlfriend but is afraid to tell her face and wants to send her a text.

According to her, this is not the best idea.

Is there a good way to leave someone?

And is it okay to do it over text?

In "Sans Rendez-vous" Friday on Europe 1, the sex therapist and psychoanalyst Catherine Blanc responds to a listener who is looking for the best way to leave his girlfriend without hurting her, and hesitates to send her an SMS.

She advises him against this means which "cuts the word of the other".

When you break up, she said, "that doesn't mean you can't accept the arguments and the punishment of the other."

Lucas's question

"I've been with my girlfriend for four months. It's not going very well. I hesitate to part with her but I don't know how to go about it: I don't dare say to her face, I'm afraid of hurting her because I see she's very attached. Is texting someone the best thing to do? "

Catherine Blanc's response

"I believe that we are big enough to create links, relationships. And we must also learn to be big enough to say where we are in our possible and our impossible. Of course it is painful. D 'Elsewhere, this is good news. It means that he has enough attachment, affection and respect for this young woman to be afraid of hurting her. others, well we have limits, but our limits are not necessarily those of the other, which means that we are afraid of hurting him and that, as such, sometimes, we are tempted to go beyond beyond what one would wish for oneself. However, that would be lying to oneself and in the end anyway to harm the other since one is not in the capacity to be at the same level of affection.

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Lucas wonders what the best way to leave someone is.

But is there a right way? 

"To leave or to leave someone is painful. It is a test both for the one who must have the courage and for the one who receives the end of non-acceptance. So there is no right way in the sense of pleasant. But when we send an SMS we can say to ourselves, here it is, for me, it's done, now she is doing and as I do not see it, I tell myself that everything went very well because she doesn't call me back by insulting me. So the best thing, I think, is rather to put yourself in front of the other while respecting each other's limits and the grief of the other, possibly saying that we are afraid. Me, I find that to be honorable. Texting is not nice because we cut off the other. We can say that we stop, but we cannot, however, not accept the other's argument, the other's pain, the other's questions, even if it is disturbing.

Otherwise, it means that we are not very aware of the why of this stop.

In which case I think it's important at least to have a phone call, because if we can't be in a face to face, if we are afraid that the other will argue, tell us that we are wrong, well it is that one is not very sure of his own personal opinion.

We put in touch, we go out within the framework of a relationship, that is to say of the freedom of speech of the two individuals.

And if we do it by text message, because we can't do it any other way, then we say "I'm doing it by text message because I don't know how to do it. I may still be clumsy doing it by text message" .

Sometimes the breakup message is "we're going to remain friends, we'll see each other" ...

“The breakup message is often very awkward, but it also means“ you were important enough that you didn't disappear completely from my horizon. ”The one who is thanked has it through his throat because it's almost a devaluation of the quality of the relationship. Yet being friends is a very nice value. It's a very nice relationship with lots of extraordinary possibilities. It is not because there are no projects of sexuality and the life of a couple that must however be devalued ".