"Following a sexual accompaniment repaired me, that should be a right"

In her book, Pascale Causier tells how having followed sexual support helped her to overcome the trauma linked to her rapes and to reclaim her body and her sexuality.

-

• At 54, Pascale Causier overcame the trauma linked to the two rapes of which she was the victim in her youth thanks to a sexual accompanist.

• In her book

  I followed a sexual accompaniment, and that should be a right for all

  (ed. Dunod), she tells about her journey alongside Alex, who helped her to free herself from her fears and to reclaim his body and his sexuality.

• Today a sex therapist, she campaigns for the right to safe sex.

Reclaim your body.

Reconcile him with his spirit.

And allow yourself to live a fulfilling sexuality.

All this, Pascale Causier, raped twice when she was 12 and 17 years old, achieved it with the help of Alex, her "sexual companion".

A unique experience that she recounts in the book 

 * (ed. Dunod).

Nine months which transformed it, "which fixed me," she confides to 

 Today, Pascale is not only happy in her role of mother and grandmother, but also happy to have found, at 54 years old "a fulfilling sexuality.

And if sexual accompaniment is recognized in countries like Switzerland or the Netherlands, that should be a right in France too ”.

What has sexual support given you more than psychotherapy?

From my teenage years, I took psychotherapy to overcome the trauma of the sexual assault I suffered.

I intellectualized it all and worked on accepting what I had experienced.

It helped me, but I never managed to break free from some blockages.

One day, my shrink told me that when the first encounter with sexuality is an assault, we have no other frame of reference.

If you don't meet the right, gentle and caring partners, you will have it all your life.

When you discover sexuality in violence, at 12, your life is stolen.

My life has been stolen from me.

Before starting this support, I had a lot of complexes, but above all a problem in my relationship to sexuality, to the sexual act.

In my life as a woman, as a wife, I really had a very restricted sexuality, not fulfilling.

I felt totally cut off from my body and unable to respond to either my desire or the expectations of men.

Then I got interested in alternative medicine and at a conference, I met Alex, a masseur who wanted to become a sexual companion.

He offered to help me, I trusted him and we kind of coached each other.

Thanks to his support, his psycho-body approach, I reclaimed my body and I reconciled it with my mind.

But why a sexual companion and not a friend, or a caring lover?

Because I haven't met any!

And the sexual accompaniment aims to provide care to the body and the mind, while respecting a framework, defined limits.

It is a journey, a marked path towards reconnection to his body and his sexuality, a

space 

in which there are no dangers, where my consent and respect for my consent were omnipresent.

From the start, Alex told me: "I'm here for you, I put my body at your disposal so that you can train, that you know what you like, what you don't like, that you know why , that you also know if it gives me pleasure, that you can talk, and that you know that at any time, you can say "no" ".

There is a real educational side to sexual accompaniment: I learned to appropriate my sexuality, but also to learn sexuality with a man.

In this context, I was able to open up, bring to the surface the memory of my body, the sadness buried after my attacks to better free myself from my fears, my internal blockages linked to my rapes, and finally find my legitimacy in my sexuality.

As my shrink told me: sexuality is prohibited in therapy, but it can be therapeutic.

Were these meetings priced?

Yes, we had agreed on a price for massages, a sort of package for our workshops.

How did this support go?

My support began with tantric massages.

The touch is then precise, therapeutic, not masturbatory.

The goal was not to lead to sexual enjoyment, but if it comes, we welcome it.

Through these moments of total confidence, very fluid and natural, I gradually freed myself.

Always in benevolence, with the absolute right to say "yes" and "no".

Sexuality took its place thereafter.

At Alex's request, I wrote everything down as we met: my feelings, my needs and my desires, and he used them to develop the stages of my journey.

This dialogue, these sexual relations, our friendship and his benevolence, all of this helped me in my journey.

He gave me a form of love, universal, not linked to a feeling of love on his part or mine, it was unambiguous on this point.

Thanks to all that, I tamed myself, and in the end, it fixed me.

And I learned that sex can be wonderful.

You are campaigning today for the recognition of sexual support and for the right to safe sex for all ...

I think that everyone should be able to access their body and their sexuality with a professional sexual accompaniment.

Currently, we are talking about it for people with disabilities.

In sexual accompaniment as I have experienced it, there is the complementary dimension of "care", even if this word cannot be used in France because the status of sexual accompanist does not exist.

When I say that I would like this to be a right for everyone, it is so that each person who feels the need can access it, without necessarily falling into a category.

Someone who can't access their body, who wants to but can't even get past the hurdle of trying to meet someone and have an intimate relationship with feelings, that is prevented from taming his sensuality and his sexuality, this person lives a real torture.

However, sexual accompaniment, for people who feel the need, opens up a possibility, offers liberation.

Moreover today, you want to help in your turn ...

I am a sex therapist, psychopractor and experiential solutionist: I work from the sensations of patients through memory, not through touch.

I want to open my practice and why not, one day, if it is authorized in France, to work with a sexual accompanist, to offer a global, therapeutic and psycho-corporal approach.

Politics

Soon “sex life assistants” for the disabled?

The Secretary of State is for

Culture

"My name is clitoris", a documentary to help women get to know each other better

* 

, by Pascale Causier, Editions Dunod, in bookstores since September 16.

A pending status

To date, French law does not recognize the status of accompanying person or sexual assistant, which could be interpreted today as a form of commodification of the body.

However, last February, the Secretary of State for People with Disabilities, Sophie Cluzel, declared herself "in favor of supporting the sexual life" of people with disabilities by "assistants", a "taboo subject" on which it asked the National Consultative Ethics Committee (CCNE) for an opinion.

• Psychology

• Sexuality

• Sexual assault

• Rape

• Health